Hi Yana,
I’m a young undergraduate student and yet I’ve been having issues with bladder control. I’ve been wanting to explore doing more Kegels and have heard of these kegel balls you can get. Do you know anything about that? I want to get a good brand/the right material because, obviously, it’s going in my vagina.
— Kegel Kid
Hi KK,
I’m sorry to hear that your bladder isn’t doing what you need it to do — that sounds really frustrating.
First thing is to get checked out at your doctor. Struggling with bladder control at your age is unusual and deserves some attention.
Secondly, many people unfamiliar with the experience of G-spot ejaculation can confuse vajaculation with pee and/or bladder problems. The G-spot’s close location to the urethra can easily confuse our bodies and brains, telling us that we are actually peeing rather than releasing vaginal ejaculate.
If your bladder issues arise consistently during sex, it might be worth doing a little research about the G-spot (my old columns and website have plenty of information on this topic). If you’re having bladder issues in other everyday ways, then return to step one: visit your doctor.
“Doing your Kegels” is a drive-by piece of advice that became really popular a handful of years ago (I’m tempted to blame an episode of Sex and the City). It’s also the piece of advice I give out the most that leaves the phrase “practice what you preach” ringing in my ears the loudest. It’s something we all can/should do more — no matter our gender or genitalia.
Kegel exercises (named after yet another modest doctor who discovered them) work out your pubococcygeus (PC) muscles, which stretch along your pelvic floor and contract during that little thing called an orgasm. The easiest — but maybe not the sexiest — way to locate them is to stop your urine-stream while peeing. The muscles you use to do this are your PC muscles and interrupting your stream may be considered a Kegel exercise. Once you’ve mastered how to contract them, you can practice in places other than the pot — just make sure you’re actually flexing your PCs and not simply clenching your butt cheeks.
The stronger the PC muscles, the stronger and more frequent the orgasms, among other benefits, like greater bladder control, KK. Pregnant folks with stronger PCs may have more oomph when it comes time to push, those facing menopause may suffer less from the vaginal deterioration responsible for difficult post-menopausal penetration, and sexual partners of Kegel-flexing pros can benefit from strategic squeezes.
The easiest way to hit the vaginal gym is with Kegel exercisers which come in the form of barbells and beads — the latter the preferred and easier method. You’ve got a few options, and you’re right to be picky about what you put in you.
All Kegel beads are made of connected weighty orbs inside plastic or silicone shells which are inserted (lube helps!), leaving a string outside the body (much like a tampon, but with sexier results). Once inside the body, the heavier ball inside moves with your body and breathing, causing your PC muscles to react.
If someone taps you on the arm, your muscles naturally tense; similarly, the round shape and rattling of the beads will cause the vaginal muscles to flex, working them out without concentration needed. They’re discreet and comfortable; you can wear them while you work, shower or shop. Tone while you Tweet, rattle up your running routine or really stick it to your boss in the office.JeJoue makes my favorite beads made of super soft silicone that come with three graduated weights for an ideal vulvar regimen. LELO Luna Beads have fancy interchangeability for ultra-customization but are made of harder plastic. Fun Factory Smartballs are the least expensive, but only come in single-weight sets and tend to be bulkier. All three of these options are made of non-porous, vagina-friendly materials that can be washed with soap and water for easy cleaning and safe re-use.
Start small and for 30 minutes at a time. Even PC muscles get sore post-workout so be sure not to over-exert yourself.
Yana Tallon-Hicks is a pleasure-positive sex writer and educator living in the Pioneer Valley. She has a website bursting with sexual advice, resources, and workshops at yanatallonhicks.com.
