Hi Yana,

Okay. I gotta know. How does one flirt with an Aquarius? There’s an Aquarius male that I like … and I’m a really bad flirter.

I don’t do well with flirting because I’m trying to overcompensate with my intelligence to offset my sexy social media presence. Like, I tend to talk as intelligently as possible with dudes because I don’t want to be mistaken for naked on the internet = unintelligent.

I don’t want to be mistaken for I’m only flirting to fuck and not to have real conversations. I’m learning to find the grey area in flirting. I want to be intelligent but flirty at the same time.

Thanks,

Floundering Flirt

Dear Floundering Flirt,

I love this question so much — both as an Aquarius and as a terrible flirt. The thing about Aquarians is that they are superb accidental flirts and awkward intentional flirts — they flirt with everyone and yet when they tell themselves to turn on the charm, they get decidedly less charming because they tend to be so cerebral. This means that one of the best ways to flirt with an Aquarius is to hold the flirting door open for them and let them walk through it, as if it were their own idea in the first place.

As someone who has identified themselves as one who “doesn’t do well with flirting” and who also tends towards the intellectual, flirting with an Aquarius might just be the perfect scenario for you. Though the official bearer of water, Aquarius is actually an air sign. Meaning, that if you’re not intellectually and mentally engaged, it’ll be hard to keep an Aquarian’s attention.

So go on and turn up your intellect, Floundering Flirt, because it’ll likely be just as sexy to him as your emoji-censored nudes on the internet. (Besides, any dude who thinks that sexiness/sensuality and intellect/brains can’t coexist in one person can go ahead and shoot themselves to the moon).

If you’re not an Aquarian’s friend first, you’ll never be their lover. The problematic “friend zone” doesn’t exist for Aquarius, as the line between those they love to shoot the shit with and those they love to knock the boots with is awfully thin for this rule-bending sign.

Bond with your hopeful Aquarius love interest over something he cares about — bonus points if it’s something weird, progressive, humanitarian, or quirky — but make sure it’s something you also genuinely care about because Aquarians hate manufactured interest.

If you notice that he’s seemingly interested in you but also flirting with everyone else in a 100-mile radius, don’t be thrown. Aquarians confuse their own damn selves constantly because most of them desire both closeness and loyalty and also want a lot of freedom to move about the dating cabin. This doesn’t mean that they don’t like you, but they might be cautious to commit unless they know your intentions are what you say they are. Aquarians are curious, so even if they decide to date one person at a time, the appearance and availability of freedom in exploration and human connection is important to them.

This outwardly detached sign is well-practiced at hiding their insecurities but don’t be fooled — they just wanna know that you like them for being their weird little selves before they decide to stick by you. Once they do, they stick hard.

Don’t forget the factors of his (and your) rising and moon signs as well because these can often give you information about how someone presents and/or what their internal realities are. For example, my moon sign is in Cancer, meaning that I’ve got those gushy, emotional insides Cancer is famous for in a detached Aquarius shell. The app Co-Star can tell you your sun, moon, and rising signs and also gives you the dish on your compatibility with your contacts according to their astrological spread, too.

Finally, when in doubt, spell it out. Too often, flirting advice tilts towards playing games and not showing your cards. But the reality is, if you ask for what you want, you’re more likely to get it than if you don’t. Reach for the stars!

Yana Tallon-Hicks is a relationship therapist, sex educator, and writer living in the Pioneer Valley. You can find her work and her professional contact information on her website, yanatallonhicks.com.