Bizarro Briefs

The Early Snail Gets the Lettuce

What probably seemed like the slowest race ever recently took place in Congham, England. More than 150 snails took part in the annual Snail Racing Championship with the grand prize being a silver tankard stuffed with lettuce. The snails were placed on a damp cloth marked with three concentric circles and the gastropods raced 13 inches to the outer ring. Apparently, English snail trainers take this sort of thing very seriously. Snails have training slopes and a detailed diet.

From the ministry of silly world-record swims

Yane Petkov is a Bulgarian swimming instructor, lifeguard, and adventurer who is part Houdini and part Michael Phelps. Recently, Petkov made the Guiness world record for swimming along with his hands and feet tied while fully wrapped inside a sack. That might sound like a bizarre Monty Python sketch, but 64-year-old Petkov swam 3,380 meters in Macedonia’s Lake Ohrid, beating the previous record held by an Indian fisherman who in 2013 swam 3,071 meters in the Indian Ocean minus the sack.

A congress of Santas

More than 150 people dressed as Santa Claus assembled with full beards and heavy suits during Europe’s recent heatwave for the 61st World Santa Claus Congress in Copenhagen, Denmark. Santas came as far away as Japan and the United States during the three-day event. They visited the Little Mermaid statue during a parade and even went head to head during the Santa Obstacle Course World Championships. Those are the perks of being Santa.

A judgment-free zone

A man exercising at a Planet Fitness in New Hampshire thought the fitness center was a “judgment-free zone,” where taking off his clothes and doing yoga in the nude would be a perfectly reasonable thing to do. It wasn’t. The man was then charged with indecent exposure, lewdness, and disorderly conduct on July 22, according to an article by the New Hampshire Union Leader.

Don’t drink the mummy juice

Only the Internet could reveal 8,000 people who would actively petition to drink a rust colored putrid liquid found inside a black sarcophagus in Egypt. Petitioners hoping to “sample the forbidden nectar” as noted on the online petition, might rethink that idea after learning that the mysterious reddish liquid is actually sewage that leaked into the black sarcophagus over the centuries, according to the Egyptian Ministry of Antiquities.

Vladimir Putin riding on a bull covered in sex toys

You probably wouldn’t expect to see a guy wearing a mask of Russian President (some say dictator) Vladimir Putin on the famous Wall Street Charging Bull sculpture covered in rainbow-colored sex toys, but that’s just what New Yorkers recently saw. The prank included 130 decorative dildos covering the bull, all of which were donated to the prankster by an adult entertainment company. The Putin impersonator was contacted by the New York City Police Department after the incident when they cited him for the non-criminal code violation, according to the Huffington Post.

 

It’s alive!

Humanity’s closest living relative, the Neanderthals, went extinct about 40,000 years ago, but now thanks to the power of science Neanderthal brains the size of peas are being grown in petri dishes in a lab in California, according to Live Science. To be clear, the average size of a Neanderthal brain wasn’t the size of a pea, but researchers are growing small amounts of Neanderthal brain tissue in order to learn why Neanderthals died out and Homo sapiens continued to thrive across the planet.

Smells fishy

An new art installation in London consisting of sequin-embroidered decomposing fish sealed in clear plastic bags was explosive. Before the exhibit opened the stinky artwork unexpectedly combusted, setting fire to part of the gallery. The artwork, “Majestic Splendor” by Lee Bul was part of an exhibition of the Korean artist’s work that was scheduled to open at the Hayward Gallery on May 30.

Bananas for inappropriate behavior

A principal at a school in Iowa was disciplined following a public event where he allegedly dressed in a banana costume and asked a female student to “hold his banana,” which was a piece of the outfit that protruded from between his legs, while he shot underhand throws. The incident occured during a Dec. 13 school assembly, according to a records complaint filed by Pen City Current, an independent online publication focused on news in Fort Madison, Iowa. By mid July the principal was disciplined as part of the investigation into the banana incident.

Author: Chris Goudreau

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