Writer’s note: This is a two-part question that I got via my Instagram DMs!
Editor’s note: As reported by our friends at urbandictionary.com, mtc often translates to “massive throbbing cock.”
Part #1 — 1:46 p.m.:
So, my case is strange.
I’m wondering if sex therapy is what I need to fix my impulses. My whole life I’ve had a huge sex drive but, never much sex. Then, I got married a few years later and that’s when it went downhill.
We barely had sex at younger age and rarely do now. I get the urge to do it and she doesn’t so I make [sexual] videos and post them online. I wish she appreciated my mtc but, I feel like she doesn’t care.
Part #2 — 8:20 p.m. the following day:
Is thickness good? [heart emoji]
—Down With The Thickness?
Back in my days working at Good Vibrations as a Sex Educator/Sales Associate, we were trained to always answer all questions earnestly. This meant earnestly answering “Um, hi, what’s your BIGGEST dildo?” when shenanigan-hungry teens inevitably attempted to prank call the store’s phone, their giggles immediately giving them away: “Well, that depends if you’re talking length, girth, or both. 11 inches for length, 2 ½ in diameter for girth, but if you want a combo, is length or girth more important to you?” *click*
Working in our field, with a mission to decrease the rampant societal sexual shame all around us, it could be downright damaging to laugh, tell someone off, or otherwise make light of someone’s genuine questions about their sexuality, body, or desires — no matter how “off-beat” they seemed.
Which is all to say, though I… er… cock a skeptical eyebrow anytime a guy sends me multiple messages about his penis in my Instagram DMs, I’m going to go ahead and answer this two-part question: the first of which seems like it could be rather earnest and the second, especially with its corresponding heart emoji, seeming… a little more dubious.
So, I’m not sure if the impulse you’re aiming to “fix” is your high sex drive, your practice of posting X-rated videos online, or, as illustrated here, your impulse to talk to women on the internet about the diameter of your penis (or “thickness” as you describe it here). Especially around issues concerning sex, I’m not generally inclined to label things as “habits that need fixing” unless they are presenting themselves as harmful to others and/or distressing or bothersome to the person experiencing the habit. In that frame, it may not be that your high sex drive needs to be lowered, but rather that you might feel less distress about it if you felt good about your outlet for it.
In many relationships, posting videos online of your “M.T.C.” as you say might be a perfectly reasonable, creative solution to a difference in sex drives. (What’s M.T.C., you wonder? Google tells me it stands for “Massachusetts Telecommunications Counsel,” but I have reason to suspect this may just be foreshadowing for this reader’s second question in regards to a certain thick part of anatomy).
In many relationships, however, posting these sexual videos, especially if they involve sexting with other people online about them, may feel like a violation of your commitments, fidelity, or relationship. If that feels like it might be the case in your relationship, you may want to think of other ways to express your sexuality that are more in line with your marriage or talk to your wife about all of this and try to find a different avenue to address your differences. This would also be a great time to talk to her about your feelings of being unappreciated. Or, perhaps she’s well-aware and on-board with this posting practice in which case, post on!
Now, the question of the 8 p.m. hour: “Is thickness good?” Well, this really depends on with whom you’re getting down with the thickness. If your sexual partner is turned on by the visual or the feel of thickness, then, yes! If they experience penetrative pain, vaginal dryness, are new to anal sex, or otherwise have practical or preferential complaints about a penis with a wide diameter then, perhaps not. But, you should probably stick to asking your partners about what works for them as my personal opinion about your anatomy doesn’t apply here.
Yana Tallon-Hicks is a relationship therapist, sex educator, and writer living in the Pioneer Valley. You can find her work and her professional contact information on her website, yanatallonhicks.com.