A man walked into the Art Basel gallery in Miami Beach, Florida, and ate a work of art that had recently sold to an art collector for $120,000. The piece of art consisted of a banana duct-taped to a wall and was created by Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan and titled “Comedian.” New York-based performance artist David Datuna ate the banana on a recent afternoon in front of a convention center full of art lovers, according to gallery representatives. But the work of art isn’t just the banana. It’s the idea of the banana. Datuna wasn’t charged with eating the ripened fruit because the art’s Certificate of Authenticity states that the banana can be changed as needed.
But then…
Apparently eating a $120,000 piece of art is not a crime, but you can be arrested for spelling out “Epstien (sic) didn’t kill himself” in red lipstick on the wall where the piece of art used to be. One day after Datuna engaged in his performance piece, Massachusetts activist Roderick Webber engaged in his own expressive act involving writing the sentence on the wall. He was then arrested for criminal mischief. Webber allegedly said “This is the gallery where anyone can do art, right?” before writing the words. Perennial candidate for U.S. president Vermin Supreme — who runs on a platform of clean teeth and free ponies for all Americans — brought this to the attention of the Valley Advocate. In describing the arrest, Mr. Supreme characterized it as a violation of Webber’s First Amendment right to free speech and demanded his release “lest Miami Beach experience the wrath of a thousand ponies.” We couldn’t have said it better ourselves.
Natural Christmas lights
At at an aquarium in Chattanooga, Tennessee, they’re using an all-organic and natural method to light up a Christmas tree via an electric eel named Miguel Wattson. A special system is connected to Miguel’s tank, which taps into his shocks and powers strands of lights on a nearby Christmas tree, according to a news release from the aquarium. The eel releases low-voltage electricity while trying to find food. While eating, Miguel releases higher voltages of electricity, causing bigger flashes of light. Miguel also has his own Twitter account with exclamations such as “SHAZAM!!!!!” and “ka-BLAMERO!!!!!”
Enjoying the snow
Walmart had to apologize this week for a Christmas sweater on its website featuring Santa Claus on the couch with what appears to be a straw in his hand and three lines of cocaine on the table in front of him. Below this scene on the festive pullover is the phrase “LET IT SNOW.” Before it was taken down, the product description read: “We all know how snow works. It’s white, powdery and the best snow comes straight from South America. That’s bad news for jolly old St. Nick, who lives far away in the North Pole. That’s why Santa really likes to savor the moment when he gets his hands on some quality, grade A Colombian snow.” Walmart pulled the clothing item, which it claims was from a third party Canadian outfit, from its website, along with some other adult-themed Santa sweaters — one of which included Kris Kringle “roasting his chestnuts” in front of a fireplace.
A taxation system for the birds
A bald eagle, the symbol of the United States of America, smashed a Norfolk, Virginia, H&R Block tax preparation office window. The large bird then flew off, apparently without serious injury. The window, meanwhile, had a three-foot diameter hole in it. Was the bird using its status as a symbol of freedom to draw attention to the fact that H&R Block lobbied vigorously to complicate U.S. tax code and help bury a free-tax file system that those who earn less than $66,000 per year? Or perhaps it was just a coincidence.
Butt hurt
Actor Josh Brolin, known for his role as Marvel villain Thanos in the Avengers films, recently learned that tanning his “perineum” (the area of skin between the anus and sex organs) wasn’t such a good idea. Brolin tried perineum tanning, but wasn’t impressed with the results. Brolin tweeted, “My pucker hole is crazy burned and I was going to spend the day shopping with my family and instead I’m icing and using aloe and burn cream because of the severity of the pain … I don’t know who the fuck thought of this stupid shit but fuck you nonetheless. Seriously.”
No patience for mistakes
“The customer is always right” is a time-honored expression in the business world, but some customers take things to an extreme to make their point. Consider a 20-year-old Tennessee woman who was recently arrested after she allegedly pointed a gun at fast food workers when she was given the wrong condiment with her order. According to police in Memphis, the woman became irate after being given ketchup after she asked for jelly at a McDonald’s drive-thru line. The customer then reportedly confronted McDonald’s staff, words were exchanged, and she pulled out a gun and pointed it at employees. The incident was caught on video, and the woman now faces charges of aggravated assault and unlawful possession of a weapon, according to various news reports
Open up and say “What?!”
An Alaska dentist accused of fraud and unnecessarily sedating patients had another trick up his sleeve, investigators say: He also operated on people while riding a wheeled, motorized vehicle known as a hoverboard. Prosecutors have charged the 34-year-old tooth specialist with felony Medicaid fraud and reckless endangerment. A former patient recently testified at his trial that she was “pretty livid” after being shown a 2016 video of the dentist extracting one of her teeth while she was sedated and he was riding his hoverboard. “I just think what you did was outrageous, narcissistic you know, and crazy,” the patient said directly to the dentist, who has been accused of fraudulently billing Medicaid about $1.8 million and stealing $250,000 from his partners. His dentistry license in Alaska was suspended in 2017.
An unlikely criminal
At least one bear has been blamed for a pair of recent vehicle break-ins at a small Alaska airport that resulted in thousands of dollars of damage to one car, officials said. The vandalism occurred at the terminal parking lot adjacent to the Kodiak Benny Benson State Airport. One car owner, who had left her vehicle in the lot for two days, returned to find a caved-in roof, broken window, ripped seats, and muddy bear prints and fur covering the car; damage was estimated at $15,000. This is the fifth report of bears going into vehicles in Kodiak since the start of the year, according to Alaska Wildlife Troopers, who are investigating whether the break-ins are the work of a single, repeat offender or perhaps a gang of unruly ursines.
