The most useful COVID-19 app yet
Yes, we all know that toilet paper is in short supply as a result of coronavirus panic shopping, but here’s something new: an app that lets you know exactly how many poops you have left before your toilet paper stockpile runs out. Available at thepooptool.com, the app asks you how much toilet paper you have and tells you the estimated kilograms of poop that has to be produced to use up your supply, as well as the estimated number of days you can last on the toilet paper you have before having to switch to something less comfortable. The main purpose of the tool is reportedly to make people realize they have way too much toilet paper, but we think people will actually feel reassured when they see how long they can hold out.
Asian takeout has you covered
Dine in has been discontinued in all Washington, D.C., restaurants, but takeout is still up and running. While much of the recreational activities have also been canceled in the city, one Asian restaurant — Toki Underground — came up with an addition to its takeout orders the business figures many customers could use: condoms. According to the local ABC affiliate, the restaurant posted an Instagram video showing a person casually putting a condom in each to-go order in a conveyer-like fashion. The caption reads “Don’t just cover your mouth #hotnoodz ??”
A special delivery
Walmart bills itself as the place where you can find just about anything. To that list can now be added newborn babies. Customers at a Walmart in Springfield, Missouri, recently put aside their competition for limited toilet paper supplies when they cheered on a female customer who gave birth in that very aisle in the store. Store manager Jessica Hinckle told a local TV news channel that the woman had told her her water had broken, so Hinckle held up a sheet for privacy while a labor nurse who happened to be in the Walmart, along with firefighters summoned to the scene, helped the woman deliver the baby in just 45 minutes. “You know a feel good moment — everybody’s going through so much, and with a baby, it’s like everything comes full circle. Hinckle said.
No longer the happiest place on Earth
An avid fan of Disney, who had visited California’s Disneyland theme park every day for the last eight years, has ended his streak after the park temporarily closed amidst the coronavirus pandemic. He was just shy of 3,000 days visiting the theme park at 2,995. The 47-year-old man from Orange County, California, plans on visiting the park again when it reopens. But in the meantime, he’s also seeking a Guinness World Record for his Disneyland visiting streak.
Fool me once…
A Florida man (could it be anyone else?) was sent to jail for impersonating a police officer. A couple days after being released, he was arrested again on the same charge. The first time, he was shoplifting, then said he was a police officer. The second time, he donned the fake identity to get out of paying a $2 toll, going as far as to flash a law enforcement badge at the Flagler County toll booth. He is now being held without bond.
The things we do when we’re drunk
A New Mexico man faces charges after he told police that he stole two TVs, though he claimed mitigating circumstances: He says he was drunk when the thefts occurred and he doesn’t remember them. According to a report in the Gallup Independent, the man was arrested shortly after he came back to the victim’s apartment to return the televisions. Police who were investigating the thefts said the alleged thief approached them and admitted he had stolen the TVs, but also told them he was “very intoxicated” when he entered the residence and doesn’t remember anything after that. “He woke up at 8:30 a.m. the next day and noticed he had two TVs in his room,” a police report stated.
A shady way to get a raise
A New Jersey Pizza Hut employee recounted his heroics to police recently, claiming that he fought off a robber brandishing a handgun and demanding cash. Police response was to send 26 officers and issue a shelter in place order to a nearby elementary school. The problem: he made the whole thing up. Police investigated surveillance footage and failed to find anyone leaving from the door the employee claimed the robber escaped from. After police confronted the employee, he admitted he lied so that he could look good to corporate and get a raise. He didn’t get it, but he was charged with creating a false police report.