Building a new tradition of shared, platonic love: Locals redefine intimacy through floral workshops, community swaps and the enduring power of showing up

By Melissa Karen Sances
For the Valley Advocate

 

 

Sixteen years ago, Newton-born actress Amy Poehler’s character, Leslie Knope, the perpetually perky deputy director of the popular NBC mockumentary sitcom, “Parks and Recreation,” took her gal pals out for “Galentine’s Day.” Declaring Feb. 13 “the best day of the year” because it centered on “ladies celebrating ladies,” Knope invited her girlfriends — and her mom — to breakfast in Pawnee, Indiana, and showered them with gifts, including personalized 20-page essays on why each woman was outstanding.

The episode, which aired during the show’s second season, became iconic, and Amy Poehler’s character’s idea took on a life of its own. Though Galentine’s Day is an unofficial holiday, its concept has caught on and the day of “uteruses before duderuses” continues to be celebrated on the day before Valentine’s. And its gender-inclusive counterpart, Palentine’s Day, is also gaining popularity. While both could be likened to Friendsgiving in the way they redefine tradition by focusing on friendship, Galentine’s Day, at its heart, is ultimately a tribute to girl power.

When Valentine’s Day passed on Feb. 14, The Valley Advocate took note of the nontraditional ways locals celebrate the platonic loves of their lives — and honor their relationships with themselves. After all, love can’t be confined to a day or two on the winter calendar. To borrow another popular “Parks and Rec” phrase, there is always time to “Treat Yo’ Self.”

In Easthampton, an ode to female friendship

On a chilly evening in early February, eight women gathered to arrange flowers for themselves. On two linen-draped tables lay heart-accented vases that doubled as reusable water bottles. Next to the vessels, open white boxes waited for easy transport in the bitter cold.

At the front of Harper James, an upscale women’s clothing store in Easthampton, the owner of Blooms Studio, Tina D’Agostino, stood before the women and unfastened a bouquet. Behind her, red, pink and white balloons hovered along the ceiling. The boutique’s owner, Kayla Diggs, watched from the front of the store, where in the window, underneath a mannequin, was a spread of chocolate-covered strawberries, sugar cookies and truffles, and fine wine nestled in a bucket of ice.

It was Harper James’ third year offering the workshop with Blooms, which is based in Westfield. “We get together every year and catch up quick,” said Diggs. After the workshop, she holds a special sale for attendees, who may be entering the store for the first time or happily returning. “It’s nice having events that people can look forward to every year.”

‘We’ve got to celebrate our gals’

Tara Satkowski of Westfield was celebrating her birthday with her friend Julie Dimono, also of Westfield. Michelle Martone of West Springfield, an avid gardener, was showing love for D’Agostino, whose workshops she follows religiously. “She always has a tip or a trick that I take back, and it’s just a fun way to get together and meet new people,” said Martone.

The others hailed from the 5 a.m. spin class at Fresh Cycle in Southwick.

“We are the ‘Spin Bitches,’” Judy Losito declared proudly.

Their spin instructor, Gina Noblit Giannetti, confirmed this title. Some of the women have seen each other every morning for the past 15 years, she said. Two, including Losito, joined the group within the last two years. Giannetti recalled introducing Losito to a friend at another event. “Oh, so you’re a ‘Spin B?’” the friend asked Losito, who ran home and excitedly told her husband about her edgy new identity.

The group, which also includes Mary Magagnoli, Marianne Baskin and Terry Oldbych, has also anointed each other with genial nicknames. Gianetti’s is “Julie cruise director,” after the welcoming character Julie McCoy on the 1970’s sitcom “The Love Boat.” It was her idea for the Spin B’s to attend the workshop for the past two years. “We’ve got to celebrate our gals,” she said. “Don’t get me wrong, my kids are No. 1, No. 2 is my husband, and then there’s my friends. I do love them, each and together, because at the end of the day, let’s be honest: you need them.

“So we’ll do this again and again.”

In Williamsburg, a tribute to community

About 10 miles away, the 18th annual Handmade Valentine Swap was underway. While the event was created for people in western Massachusetts to mail traditional Valentines to each other, it eschews commercialization by encouraging those of all ages to make handmade cards for strangers — or yet-to-be-met neighbors — in their larger community.

“It started at my dining room table,” explained Sienna Wildfield, founder of Hilltown Families, a community-based education network in Williamsburg that organizes the swap. “A group of us wanted to bring our kids together and show them how to foster community connections.”

Over the past 18 years, folks across the 413 have swapped more than 10,000 Valentines. “We consider them tokens of friendship and acts of kindness, and it helps to eliminate loneliness,” explained Wildfield.

A 2025 study by the Cigna Group, a global health services company, found that all generations know profound loneliness in the United States. And while Generation Z experiences the most isolation, the vitality of Baby Boomers is the most compromised by it.

A holiday that focuses on romantic love may exacerbate these conditions. A 2023 survey by BetterHelp, the world’s largest therapy platform, found that approximately 15 million American adults over age 18 say their mental health gets worse around Valentine’s Day, and more than one in four feels negativity around the holiday. The authors hypothesize that societal pressure around dating — particularly for Gen Z — can push people over the edge between discouragement and depression. They recommend self-care and finding platonic, familial or self-led sources of love and affection.

Beautiful snail mail

To participate in the Handmade Valentine Swap, people who sign up on Hilltowns’ website by Jan. 30 are placed into groups of 10 by Wildfield. Each person within a group is given a batch of randomized mailing addresses. No one knows anything else about their recipients besides their names, which is exactly the point: Here, love isn’t a transactional relationship, but an unconditional act.

Wildfield said that some people have a tradition of collecting all their mail and opening it on Valentine’s Day, or making a garland of cards that they display in their windows. She is always impressed by people’s creativity.

“Some of them are so great with the use of puns, making some of the most clever Valentines,” she said. She described one card made of brown construction paper and cut into the shape of a mason jar. Inside were four red-and-black ladybug stickers. The card was addressed “to my love bug.” Another sender melted crayons into the shape of a heart and sent the accompanying message: “For ‘crayon’ out loud, won’t you be my Valentine.”

Wildfield pointed out that the swap has helped people develop a sense of pride in the ever-expanding region they call home. “Eighteen years ago, out in the Hilltowns, we didn’t even have high-speed internet,” she said, noting the irony that technological advances have only underscored the value of material things. Now an entire community is sending its love via beautiful snail mail.

In Northampton, the value of self-love, and getting ‘warm and cozy’

Certified life coach Dana Olivo invites women like herself, who have often focused on taking care of others, to consider what they might want for themselves. Self-awareness may be the root of self-love — on Valentine’s or any other day of the year.

“My mom used to always get me a box of chocolates as a kid, but I think it can be more than that,” she said of the holiday. “I think there’s people who love to love. I can appreciate that, but at the same time, love you. Take yourself out on a date, buy yourself some flowers, pour yourself a glass of non-alcoholic wine, or alcoholic wine.”

Due to the success of the self-help industry, the Northampton resident said that there is a national yearning for self-discovery. She said that assessments qualifying someone’s love language or attachment style may be in the service of romantic relationships, but are actually driving people to better understand themselves before coupling up.

“I do think we’re conditioned to find a match, find a partner, find a mate, but I think I’m beyond that,” she continued, emphasizing the importance of accountability. “I enjoy spending time with myself. If I don’t, I can’t expect anyone else to enjoy spending time with me.”

When she was younger, “there was this mad rush to find someone to spend Valentine’s Day with,” she said. But as she matures, she hasn’t experienced that personally or professionally, among her clients. “As we come more into our own, I think we appreciate the time with ourselves and what we have to give to ourselves in ways that we may not have before.”

‘I’m a little bit in love with all my friends’

Olivo’s close friend has hosted a Galentine’s dinner for the past two years while going through a divorce — and mining the holiday’s potential to transcend romance and focus on love.

“I often think I’m a little bit in love with all of my friends,” said Olivo. “I love something about each of them that’s different and how we interact with each other feels way more intimate [than a romantic partnership with a man].”

She didn’t think cisgender men thought about being “warm and cozy” with each other in the same way that women do, noting that she and a couple friends schedule “a day of nothing” as an excuse to “be in close proximity to each other.” Only those with a “certain vibe” are invited — or welcomed back. In fact, she said that you can’t talk too much, and you can never ask what the group is doing next. The point is to relax in good company.

Reflecting on the popularity of The Golden Girls, a sitcom from the 1980s, she said that maybe the privilege of close friendship is “one of the things everybody loved about [the show] no matter where they were coming from.” Invoking the theme song of the seven-season series, she said, “‘Thank you for being a friend,’ there’s something so sweet about that.”

In Greenfield, taking care of business

At Adam & Eve in Greenfield, Valentine’s Day can be a gateway to self-love, said Jenni Skyler, the company’s sexual health and wellness “sexpert” and codirector of the Intimacy Institute in Denver, Colorado. Adam & Eve began as a mail-order business in 1971. Starting in 1999, the company expanded into 100 independently owned stores in Canada and the United States, including Greenfield.

“I think self-pleasure is a part of loving yourself, and an expression of it. It’s a lovely gift to yourself,” said Skyler. “We’re not made to have these nerve endings to do nothing with them.”

Skyler said that for those new to masturbation, her advice is to go to Adam & Eve and look around — preferably in a physical store, where, “just like you would in Nordstrom, just get a feel of what it’s like to be there. Imagine the toys in your bedroom. Imagine the toys in your hand.” She recommends building a “bedside box” and visualizing what you need to feel sexy, whether that be music, candles or a disco ball — more than one client has fantasized about the spherical light reflector.

This kind of self-attention can only benefit people who enter a relationship, she said, where “you’re going to have to be the expert on yourself.”

Meanwhile, Skyler says, “The best way to attract someone is when you’re not hunting for it … when you’re happy and comfortable with yourself.”

“It’s Valentine’s Day,” she continued. “If you’re not used to pampering yourself, this is the time to treat yo’ self.”

 

Melissa Karen Sances can be reached at melissaksances@gmail.com.