Just yesterday I was walking home from yoga and thinking that in the best case scenario, the really half-full rose colored lens of unreality, our balmy January weather in New England could seem kind of soft and benevolent, as if just this year, the universe wanted to speed toward spring with all its spongy promise. That’s’ a lovely notion, save for the global warming aspect.
Anyhoo: a day later there is snow on the ground, enough to transform the muddy, greys and browns of April right back to authentic winter.
When I think about it, we are constantly seeking the best, sliding back to what is, struggling and sometimes awed in such quick succession they seem to be almost exactly one and the same.
So, I was touched by a mention of my tweeted observation to a Twitter friend, Hilary Levey Friedman, upon the birth of her first baby: #Everythingisaltering because she is in the wonder of this planetary shift from couple to trio, from self first to 24/7 nurturing of another being and she was eloquent about the active verb and the sacredness of the transition, both.
I read this while spirited away from the children overnight—a tiny Berkshire getaway—with my dear hubby. And I read this having spent my 6:45 AM hour in a swimming pool doing water aerobics rather than trying to rouse a tenth grader (which is heavier lifting? I will leave this to your imagination with overriding trust in your smarts). More so, I read this having again realized how in over my head I feel parenting people who are bigger than I am. I silently mulled, once I had more than a few minutes without doling out a snack or uttering a five-minute warning or anything like that, how surprised I am to find this part difficult. I like teenagers; I always have and I am pretty laid back and I guess I hadn’t exactly feared this period. If I were to be completely honest, I even looked forward to it, so enamored with my small people that I was (am?!) eager to see who they’d become.
I’m still enamored. Sometimes, I think parenting the teens would be easier if I didn’t like them so very much. But then again, with any luck how much we like one another should help us in the longer term, right?
My other takeaways from about 24 hours not caretaking children: I really adore my spouse; I do better when I move and when I sleep. Reading is fun, too. All these observations aren’t new; I believe I touched upon them when making my New Year’s Resolutions, which means my intuition was good and so far, I’m just a little bit “on track.” May that help me what feels at times oceanic and at others simply confusing.
