When Al Gore intoned "bridge to the 21st century," he was very wrong. Thanks in part to the religious cartoon of fundamentalism and to the opportunism of opinion manipulators, we appear to be busily building a bridge to the 12th century.
Yep, we've got hi-tech toys and people who study the folding of proteins and quantum mechanics. But they bring to mind the monks of the Middle Ages, those who preserved some portion of the knowledge of the ancient world while ignorance ran rampant on every hand.
Remember this scene from Monty Python and The Holy Grail?
BEDEMIR: Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether
she is a witch.
CROWD: Are there? What are they?
BEDEMIR: Tell me, what do you do with witches?
VILLAGER #2: Burn!
CROWD: Burn, burn them up!
BEDEMIR: And what do you burn apart from witches?
VILLAGER #1: More witches!
VILLAGER #2: Wood!
BEDEMIR: So, why do witches burn?
[pause]
VILLAGER #3: B–… 'cause they're made of wood…?
BEDEMIR: Good!
CROWD: Oh yeah, yeah…
BEDEMIR: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her.
BEDEMIR: Aah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone?
VILLAGER #2: Oh, yeah.
BEDEMIR: Does wood sink in water?
VILLAGER #1: No, no.
VILLAGER #2: It floats! It floats!
VILLAGER #1: Throw her into the pond!
CROWD: The pond!
BEDEMIR: What also floats in water?
VILLAGER #1: Bread!
VILLAGER #2: Apples!
VILLAGER #3: Very small rocks!
VILLAGER #1: Cider!
VILLAGER #2: Great gravy!
VILLAGER #1: Cherries!
VILLAGER #2: Mud!
VILLAGER #3: Churches — churches!
VILLAGER #2: Lead — lead!
ARTHUR: A duck.
CROWD: Oooh.
BEDEMIR: Exactly! So, logically…,
VILLAGER #1: If… she.. weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood.
BEDEMIR: And therefore–?
VILLAGER #1: A witch!
Now from the great sages of global warming denial at Fox News, we get this awesome chuckle:
So logically, if it snows a whole lot–and snow is cold–global warming, which is hot, isn't real. And Al Gore is funny, because he's wrong!
Is 2010 a typo?
Steven Colbert nails it: "It is dark outside. We can only assume the sun has been destroyed."
Science isn't about common sense–it's about observation, hypotheses and searching for knowledge through the empirical method. It sometimes makes easy sense, and sometimes it doesn't. The crassest among us aren't afraid to exploit that gap, pumping the most gullible full of chest-thumping indignation about those crazy scientists and their conspiracies of highfalutin' know-how, like they think they're better than the rest of us just because they study stuff.
What's actually causing all this cold this year?–
…the Arctic Oscillation refers to shifts in atmospheric pressure over the Arctic and the middle latitudes of the earth. In its positive phase, atmospheric pressure decreases over the Arctic and increases over the mid-latitudes. In the Arctic Oscillation's negative phase, it's just the reverse. Pressures are relatively high over the Arctic and relatively low over the mid-latitudes.
In December, the Arctic Oscillation went into extreme negative mode — more negative than it's been since at least 1950. Serreze says that has affected weather all over the Northern Hemisphere.
"At the very same time that we've seen these areas in the middle latitudes with sub-zero temperatures and big snow storms, the Arctic has been much, much warmer than normal." Ten to fifteen degrees warmer in some places.
Further, "The Arctic Oscillation has nothing to do with climate change and everything to do with the vagaries of weather. At the same time, he says, the chances of going so negative are exceedingly small."
And finally, "Serreze fears that the result of these competing effects will still be bad for the region. He says the extent of Arctic sea ice is already a million square kilometers below normal."
But hey–it's snowing on Al Gore's book! Haha!
In other news, the entire world disappeared last night. Then I opened my eyes, and it was back. What a relief!
If you'd like to trot out those hordes of scientist deniers, just refer to the handy chart below, 'cause there are too few hours in the day to bother with entering an argument so numb. (Or try reading something by one of those professor types: “If It’s That Warm, How Come It’s So Darned Cold?”)
Besides, I have to go build a basket for catching the sun tonight.
ADDITIONAL:
I won't be entering the fray below, but here's an attempt at at least rendering it as silly as possible.
Let's give it a go, sort of Pascal-style–
Position A: Global warming is not an issue that should be addressed.
Result A: It is happening, and you've made it worse.
Result B: It isn't happening. You get to burn fossil fuels until they run out.
Position B: Global warming is an issue that should be addressed.
Result C: It is happening. You've lessened the effects.
Result D: It isn't happening. You're ahead of everyone else when fossil fuels run out.
What's so blasted great about ignoring it when you're about to run out of oil anyway? And last I checked, pollution is an issue no matter the global temperature–an issue addressed by using renewable energy.
If you enjoy bantering about it anyway, there's some really great fodder to keep you and our denialist friends below busy for hours right here. Y'all enjoy.
I'm off. I've got to go get measured for smaller tires–someone saw me drive off for lunch, and reported that my car got smaller as it got farther away.
