My steamed colleague over at the Frank Dodge Report has endorsed a Jim Hightower notion I strongly support:
"Make them folks in congress dress like those NASCAR fellows. They shld wear jumpsuits with patches for all their sponsors. bigger the patch, bigger the sponsor. They dont even have to wear helmets unless they want to."
I think Frank and Jim are onto something (which I only grudgingly admit, seeing that Frank is a real live north-of-the Mason-Dixon Yankee), but I’d like to propose further legislation. The jumpsuits are well and fine, and give the kids a way to think of their elected representatives as at least slightly cooler than Garrison Keillor, but why stop there?
Why not amend to their titles the entities they represent? They couldn’t show up in AP stories without them. It would be like those really long names in Lord of the Rings, like how Aragorn is really "Aragorn son of Arathorn and am called Elessar, the Elfstone, Dunadan, the heir of Isildur Elendil’s son of Gondor."
Say Rush Limbaugh won elective office. Instead of Rep. Rush Limbaugh (R-Fla.), he might be, for instance, Rush Limbaugh (R.-Fla., son of Rupert Murdoch and am called Rovesboy, the 18-stone and still putting on weight, Oxycontin, the heir of Bush the First’s son of Kool-Aid).
But that’s probably a bit too archaic. One could go simpler with one like this, though this purely hypothetical list will only be the tip of her particular iceberg: Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-Texas, ExxonMobil, Pepsi, NRA, Southern Baptist Convention, Kellogg-Brown-Root, Hairmasters, Wal-Mart, those guys who always call radio shows).
BEFORE:
AFTER:
Heck, they could divide up into corporate teams and do tug-of-war and stuff, like on Battle of the Network Stars.
(And thanks Josh Ryan, for looking at Kay Bailey long enough to dress her in NASCAR finery.)
