As New England natives, we’d like to humbly challenge T. S. Elliot’s assertion that “April is the cruelest month.” It’s March.
The month is a tease, punishing snow and winds one minute and green leaves coaxed by a soft breath of spring emerge in the next. March playing hard to get with spring could be cute if it wasn’t riding in on the heels of two months of freezing temperatures and whipping ice storms. We’ve come up with some ways to help get you through the cold slog of March and on to the warmer weather of spring.
1.) Channel your inner housecat and take a nap in front of a warm window … soak up that Vitamin D, minus the windchill!
2.) Instead of simply sweeping up all that driveway sand getting tracked through your hallways, sweep it into your bathroom, fill your tub, slip into that bikini, pour yourself a margarita and enjoy.
3.) Plant a marker on your property where the snow is highest. Visit the marker again in the spring, when the snow is melted, and dance a triumphant jig around it.
4.) Do your taxes now, not later. Don’t get stuck associating warm April weather with pages and pages of paperwork.
5.) Tie an orange bike-safety flag to your dog. Find a cat, and do the same again. Send them out into the snow trails you’ve dug and watch the flag chase.
6.) Wear heavy socks, sweatpants, a sweatshirt, and a fleece bathrobe to bed under your down blankets — you’ll wake up in such a sweat you’ll forget it was ever winter!
7.) Hot yoga — do it!
8.) Make friends, if you haven’t already, with someone who has an indoor grow operation. The sun lamps and all those leafy greens feel like a tropical vacation!
9.) Shave! You’ll lose that extra layer of insulation, sure, but you’ll gain the added satisfaction of knowing that the first spring shear won’t clog the drain.
10.) Eat pasta now. Fresh fettuccine tossed with pancetta and carbonara, with Parmesan-dusted spicy Italian sausage on the side is a winter thing. Mangiare!
11.) Horrify your Southern friends: “Yep, it was 65 below and we haven’t seen the toddler since we sent him out back in November. But he’ll eat his way out of the snow eventually.”
12.) When it get’s too cold, you can just tell yourself, “There’s always mud season to look forward to.”
13.) On the upside: you can give your avalanche beacon a trial run at home, without an expensive trip to the Alps.
14.) Start listening to live shows on the ipod, get pumped for festie season!
15.) Get a bock. In the U.S. and Germany, the beer of spring is the maibock, a strong, dark lager.
16.) Get in the last of your binge watching. Once the temps go up, something about staying inside to watch a TV series over the weekend is unsettling, no matter how awesome the show. However, when there’s more than a foot of snow outside this behavior is completely acceptable, and “Lilyhammer” is pretty good.
17.) Go outside, scoop up a cup of snow, bring it inside, and pour maple syrup on it. Eat immediately. Just so you have something to actually miss about winter come July.•
