My wife and I have previously been pretty conservative when it comes to sex and not super-adventurous. Recently we realized our marriage would be better served by us servicing each other. The journey has been great and fun and messy and awkward … but mostly great.
We are against people being used, abused or manipulated without their consent, so for a long time that kept us from pornography, which we felt is not always the nicest business to actors and actresses.
We’ve come across a lot of research that shows women who watch porn, or couples who watch porn together, have some amazing benefits to the relationship: greater sexual satisfaction, more happiness, feelings of togetherness — all the things we all want. But what are some good porn companies and films? By good, I mean the organic, grass-fed, free-range beef of porn?
Well, you nailed it. Here in the Valley, we like our groceries in hemp tote bags, our kale served with (gluten-free) soil, and our porn organically orgasmic.
The good news is this kind of porn is both possible, readily available, and hot.
In the past, I’ve written a lot about what I call “feminist porn.” Whether or not you’re into that particular F-word, feminist porn has a lot to offer women, couples, queer folk, and anyone else looking for a pornographic viewing experience different than the drugged-up wham-bam that pops up after a basic “porn” Google search.
Yes, traditional porn isn’t always the nicest to its performers. Yes, several studies show great benefits to individuals’ and couples’ sexual self esteem, closeness and satisfaction via enjoying porn. And yes, you can stand against manipulation, abuse and non-consent and still get off to porn!
Feminist porn is generally defined by these very aspects that set it apart from traditional porn. It’s generally directed by women or queer people. Its scenes are built around protocols for safer sex, consent, and performer-driven content (as in performers choose what they’d like to do and often act out their real, personal fantasies). It features real orgasms, real chemistry, and real sexual pleasure. And because of all of these things, it’s appealing to folks such as yourself, looking for the grass-fed beef of smut.
One of my favorite feminist porn directors is Erika Lust, an award-winning erotica film director, author, and mother living in Barcelona. Lust’s work busts up boring porno tropes featuring women as penis-hungry damsels and men as empty-headed, Viagra-infused stallions, pumping away. “Porn is always the same,” said Lust during an interview with Vice. “Men are the main characters, and women are the fuck bunnies. It’s never really about our experience. … Mainstream porn is run by middle-aged men. Their vision has very little to do with my vision or my friends’ visions.”
Lust’s vision has created progressive pornographic experiences such as her erotica series XConfessions, which brings to life sexual fantasies of everyday people and explicitly depicts consent, pleasure, humor, and vulnerability.
Lust certainly isn’t the only feminist pornographer. Toronto hosts a yearly celebration of the genre at their Feminist Porn Awards. Their website boasts lists of their annual nominees and award-winners featuring directors, films, scenes, and websites all worth exploring.
Here are some tips for enjoying porn as a socially conscious couple:
∎ Use scene-selection features. No one watches a entire porno from beginning to end, so skip to the best parts).
∎ Don’t skip performer interviews which shed humanistic light on their real pleasure, consent, and connection.
∎ If something you’re watching makes you feel icky, stop watching it.
∎ Seek out porn depicting your real-life fantasies.
∎ Remember that despite social myth, women enjoy all kinds of porn including kink, BDSM, vanilla, gay male, lesbian, etc.
∎ Start slow by playing porn in the background (with or without sound) of your regular romps.
∎ Finally, like all good socially conscious carnivores, don’t forget to enjoy the hunt.•
