The hand job is like blow job’s annoying cousin you have to hang out with sometimes. It doesn’t have any real fans. You won’t see many HJs in pornos whispering the phrase, “Hey, baby—how about a nice hand job for your birthday?” Why waste your energy and time attempting something he can do better himself?
Basic HJ technique involves wrapping your hand and fingers around his penis with a nice, not-too-firm grip and stroking up and down. Sounds boring; well, that’s because it is. Here’s how to make the phallic second base worth hitting.
Re-position it. The classic side-by-side is popular because you’re both comfortable, you can push your naughty bits against his body and your face is in prime position for kissing, neck-nuzzling and secret-telling. Make the HJ more visually stimulating by straddling his thighs while he lies on his back or sits up. Make him stick ’em up while you stick ’em down, reaching around behind him as he stands with his hands propped against the wall. Get up close as he stands in front of you while you sit on the edge of the bed or get romantic with a spooning reach-around.
No one likes a hot dog without ketchup! Make sure to lube it up before indulging in this particular phallic finger-food. Cushion it with a subtly soft gel. Enjoy the never-ending slip ‘n’ slide of silicone, or thinly coat with a liquid lube that’ll let him feel the gentle friction of your fingers.
As with a good handshake, you won’t be making a memorable first impression with a weak hand job grip. Sure, you’re not trying to squeeze fresh juice out of the thing (or are you?), but it’s also not made of glass. When in doubt, ask about his speed and firmness preferences, though the general idea is to start slow with medium pressure and then increase both as you approach the finish line.
Utilize your other hand! Wrap both around and synchronize their movements, or stroke in simultaneous opposite directions. Try a gentle wringing twist or give your non-dominant hand the general task of up-and-down while putting the other hand on sweet-spot detail. Pay attention to surrounding areas like his balls, the penis head (especially the sensitive frenulum—the thin ridge of skin on the head’s underside) or the perineum (the naughty strip connecting the balls to the booty). Tease him by slowing down to tickle these smaller parts of his pickle. Gently tug on his testicles and move south toward the perineum closer to climax. Tweak his nipples, use your free hand to stroke his muscles (and his ego), or get real porn star by slapping his member against a strategic body surface.
Just because it’s called a “hand” job doesn’t mean your hand’s the only tool you’ve got in your arsenal. Lick, blow, kiss, give him a penetrative preview or pay his face a little visit by his favorite twins. Equip him with a vibrating cock ring, like the Screaming O, that’ll add a buzz to your HJ, especially when positioned against the testicles. Or shift his stick into overdrive with a textured masturbation sleeve like the Quickie Sleeve (goodvibes.com). While you’re at it, give yourself a hand (or a vibrator)—especially if you’re straddling him, giving him a picturesque view.
Not feeling very handy? Let him show you the (g)ropes first, giving him a little presentation of your own if you feel so inspired. Still unsure of your stick-shifting? Remember that the brain is our largest sex organ, so non-manual techniques are just as important. No one’s mind is blank when they’re on the path towards orgasm, so give him some mental material to work with. It’s a huge turn-on to see that you’re into it, so exude enthusiasm and confidence. Moan, breathe heavily, compliment your new squeeze toy and whisper sweet nothings in his ear (or, better yet, mutter dirty somethings).
Study up further with Sadie Allison’s Tickle His Pickle and educational flick Penny Flame’s Expert Guide to Hand Jobs and he’ll be so smitten with your mitts that his old faithful lotion-and-tissue routine will never be the same again.
