After the column covering blow-job basics (“Bon(e) Appetit,” December 30, 2010), readers have been chomping at the cunnilingus bit. This makes me both smile and cringe.
Smile because nothing’s better than an eager muff-diver and cringe because I’ve been dreading attempting to explain the complicated art of going down in one little column. Well, here goes.
First, study up. Be able to identify, stimulate and find (in the dark) the inner and outer labia, the vaginal opening, the anus, and, most importantly, the clitoris and its hood. Need a map? Read Ian Kerner’s She Comes First or watch Going Down: The Official Guide to Cunnilingus. In a lost-clit panic, find it again with a simple trick: start at the vaginal opening and trace a line slowly up the middle until you hit a firm, squirm-worthy, pearl-sized nub. In a breathy whisper, ask her earlobe, “Is this where you want me?” Hasn’t failed me yet.
Once you know the lay of her land, good lip service is about communication and technique. In that order. No one cares if you can write the alphabet with your tongue. If you’re not a good verbal and physical listener, you won’t be a good cunnilinguist. Orgasmic lady-head is about what’s going on downstairs and upstairs.
Many women are affected by the cultural stigmas reinforced around their smells, tastes and textures through the daily vaginal denigration that happens through mainstream porn, music lyrics and things like scented tampons. As a result, many women will feel self-conscious about having your face in their misrepresented goods. Many will happily rub your nose right in it, and some may experience a combination of both, but if you don’t want to be down there, don’t be.
If you do, communicate! Moan, groan, ask her what she wants, urge her to talk to you. Take direction as encouragement, not as an insult. If she’s shy, give her an either/or option or have her rate certain moves. Questions to ask include “Like that?”, “Slower/Faster?” and “Softer/Harder?” Of course, it’s not always bad if she can’t find the words. Face-grinding, back-arching, sheet-grabbing and head-clutching generally mean “Don’t stop!” Pelvis-shifting, pulling away or pushing forward are directional hints; limp-fish syndrome, yawning or texting are just sad.
With honest communication, great tongue techniques will follow, but keep these tips in mind. Keep it wet. If things aren’t slippery enough, go for tasteless glycerin-free liquids or ever-lasting silicone varieties. As STIs/STDs can be transmitted orally, consider using dental dams (thin latex oral barriers).
Get her off her back. Try licking her from behind, pushing her against a wall and kneeling down or letting her ride your face.
Stop lapping—it’s not an ice cream cone. Try licking her up and down from the opening to the clit, flattening your tongue for broad strokes, quickly flicking the tip of your tongue across the clit, enveloping everything with your whole mouth, licking her lips, moving your tongue in circles, lightly sucking, penetrating her with your tongue, or (with permission and a dental dam!) rimming her booty.
Oral sex isn’t strictly an oral affair. Simultaneously penetrate (vaginally or anally) with fingers, a dildo or plug, synching up your penetration and oral rhythms. Introduce other digital sensations by putting pressure on her mons (above her pubic bone), spreading her lips or rubbing her clit while licking elsewhere.
Pace yourself. Pay attention to the rest of her body as you work your way down. Don’t go straight for the clit, but rather love on other sensitive parts like her thighs and labia, teasing your way to her sweet spot. Mix it up, but stick to something sustainable before she orgasms, as switching it up last minute could get you a frustrated knee to the jaw.
Once things get ramped up, get in it! Don’t be shy and never underestimate a well-placed nose. If you don’t need a face towel when you’re done, then you’re not done. Remember how I said a good blow job is a messy affair, like eating barbecue ribs? Well, cunnilingus is like a pie-eating contest. With your hands tied behind your back. And you want to win. Bad.
