I think I figgered it out

I don’t like a thing you can’t spit on. It’s hard, working on the internet. But I got it licked for now.

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wolfs in New Hampshire

Lot of talk about this new wolf reintroduction program in New Hampshire. Not sure I’m for it, really. Wolfs tend to eat sheep. I don’t have any sheep, but I know folks what do. Mainly, I’m thinking that wolfs can swim across the river into Vermont. They could walk across bridges, too. I can’t say as I mind New Hampshire having wolfs, but I think they should think about the other states. Like Massachusetts! Is...

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that damn librarian

There is this one librarian with a pegleg who says I owe six dollars for a book I took out last year. Some book about building rockets or some such thing. I never took that book out. And this librarian tells me i can’t use the internets until i either pay the fine or bring that book back. Well, I tell you what: I sure am glad I got this here computer out of that camper’s backpack or else i woun’t be able to write...

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that damn trevor banks wisconsin

see i got someone writing to me about them wolfs. a mister trevor banks wisconsin. Well here’s something for you, Mr. Wisonscin: we don’t call them cougars. We call them catamounts. And theres no such thing as that program, except for one guy from the circus who travels around with a truck and two catamounts and it is well known that if you have it in for some fellows sheep or cows, he will starve them catamounts till they...

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Supported by our members

Now, I don’t listen all that much to the radio. But I did happen to get into my truck the other day after Jake borrowed it, and he not only had left the wipers on but he also had it tuned full blast to that NPR station. Which I don’t mind so much, except for the part where they say they are “Supported by our members.” Are they allowed to say that on the radio? Don’t they put people in jail for that kind...

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what i am willing to do

Noticed Virgil asked me a question the other day. I been getting wood in and nursing a bad gash i got when the chain came off my saw. Whipped around but good, caught me on the leg. Nothing that hasn’t happened before, so don’t get worried on my behalf. Used to be there was a fella up the road a spell who liked to saw in the nude. I’m not joking, neither. It wasn’t some weired sex thing, neither. It was just...

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My Pipes Froze

Pipes froze last night. Went for Dody’s hair dryer this morning but it wasn’t where I left it. She don’t know where it is neither. But I slicked up those pipes with some Ben Gay I had from that time I hurt my back pulling Jake out of this hole he fell into, and that did the trick pretty good. Them pipes are just fine now.

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Vote early and often

Me and Jake and Dodie went and got our absentee ballots yesterday. We always vote absentee because its easier to get extra ballots that way. I know its not supposed to be this way, but for a bottle of screech up at duty free, Mrs Mogan will throw a few more ballots our way. we don’t do anything bad with them tho. Rest assured of that. We do our regular voting and then write ourselves in for this and that on the extra ballots....

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Halloween with Captain Slow

Well, it sure has been busy lately. First off, Jake got some extra ballots from mrs. mogan, and he done so in a way I just wouldnt of done, and I bet neighther would you. Which brings me to what happens when jackolanterns get all old and sunken, with mossy stuff growing in the upside down part of the head. If you knew Jake and Mrs. Mogan, you would agree that that last sentence is a good description of the both of them. But that...

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Anyone who laughs like that

So in the national election the democrats beat the other guys. I am surprised it took this long. All politics is kids playing at recess, is what i say. And all you got to do to know the president is a bit off kilter is to listen to him laugh. Anyone who laughs like that is trouble. And anyone who hangs out with someone who laughs like that is also trouble. it is just the way it is. I am not judging anyone, but facts is facts. Think...

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christmas should be like the olympics

Seen my first xmas decoration in a store window. here it is not even thanksgiving yet and frosty and santa and rudolf and the gang are invading us. soometimes i think this is what an invasion from canada wld look like. anyway, i have come to the conclusion that xmas shld be like the olympics or the presidential elections and come every 4 years. I know people wld cheat if we did that and wld still celebrate it, so i vote we move xmas...

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Suddenly Mexican Wrestlers Were Everywhere

Two nights ago I and jake found a camera in a plastic bag tied to a tree right next to where some campers were sleeping. It took a while, and I had to get Captain Slow’s help (which took even longer) but I finally figgered out how to put them where you can see them. I dont know whatall whoevers camera was up to, but it sure was something. Click on the gallery with the wrester picture over to yer left (my right, but yr...

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not what i thot wld happen to my bucket of dead mice

I had about 65 dead mice in this big yellow bucket i borrowed from jake. i had planned on freezing them to use for cie fishing but when i brot the bucket up from the cellar yesterday i got distracted by this awful whirring, grinding sound coming from over there at jakes. i don’t think this is what it was, but it sounded for the life of me like a cow or a big dog being put in a gigantic blender, or maybe one of those juicers they...

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That plan to dam up the Connecticut and flood VT, NH, and part of NY and Canada is just not a good idea

i know Massachusetts and Connecticut and NYC have to get their power from somewhere but I just can not go along with that plan to build a huge dam on the connecticut river. This dam they are talking abt for the CT river wld be almost as big as that 3 Gorgeous Dam over in China (where i have never been, by the way). Blding it wld mean moving over a million people, and the plans to move them to Florida or Ohio is never going to work b/c...

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there is a connection between sillicone breasts implants and neanderthal dna

Sez here that the Federal Detection Agency (FDA) is approving silicone for use in titty implants again. you probably remember how they stopped using siloone a few yrs ago and started using saline (which is doctor talk for salt water), and which was when women on TV started looking like they had bowling balls inside their boobies. And it also sez here that scientists say we are 99.5% related to neanderthals. they say this like it is...

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Whose blood are they using to make plasma TVs?

on Sunday I and jake figgered out how to tap into the cable line outside on that phone pole they put it on my land without asking permission or anything, and now we each got about 500 channels, which is the least we shld have for me having to have that pole on my property. I cut down the 1st one they put up and used it for firewood, and it dint burn good atall, and then the damn power/phone company came and put another one up, so I...

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a thanksgiving story about a car that went into a river

Yesterday I and Dody were driving to the grange supper when we seen a blue car go through a puddle and then jump into the air and land in one of those streams on the side of the road that when it rains a lot turn into small brown rivers. It wasnt just us on the road and instantly everyone pulled over and we all formed a human chain out to where the car was in the river and this one fellow grabbed holt of the back door handle and we...

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Does Iraq have a lot of Playstations?

Now that we got free cable and the big TV, I been catching up with the news. I saw that thing abt people rioting to get that video game what just came out. At first i thot it was more footage from iraq. i know that sounds like a bad joke but it is what i truly thot. Then they showed footage of people goiing shopping the day after thanksgiving and i thot it was footage of a car bomb in israel or somewhere. I know that also sounds like...

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Dody hit a beefalo in my truck

I cannot believe that as soon as i got my tires back from jake, who had borrowed them again, dody went and hit a beefalo. i always knew those beefalo wld prove to be a menace and i was right. this one just went right thru that fence Travis made. i have told him before, travis those beefalo will prove to be more of a menace than you suspect, and i hae been proven right. this one beefalo just walked right thru that wire fence and set up...

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Even the priest says the weather is fucked up

I was in the hardware store yesterday (that is another whole story) when i saw father ziggy (short for zigowski or zignatius or somethinglike that) and i asked him what he thot abt what it says here, that novembers average temperature was 7 degrees higher than normal, and right there in his black shirt and white collar and all his priestments he said, “Frank, i will be honest with you. It is fucked up.” then i asked him...

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Dody's dilemma: turducken or hamoonisen

Some of you already know that every year dody cooks something for the grange xmas supper. last year she made a turducken, which is a turkey stuffed with a duck that is stuffed with a chicken. it went over pretty good at the grange, although like me, everyone thot at first she had lost her rocker and was trying to get us to eat turds. also, since Guy and Lizzie Parsons are vegetarians she made them a small turducken out of soy. i...

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Are we talking abt the moon or abt another place?

Sez here that we’re gonna go to the moon. Well, how about that. Also sez here we’re gonna spend some dozen billion dollars a year to get there. Sez we’re gonna set up some bases there. Sez it’s a real inhospitable place, that moon, but we’re gonna go. Sez we’re gonna go so we can look around for some valuable minerals. Gonna do some exploring. Eventually, we’re gonna get to a point where...

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Been real busy with my caulk lately

I got a bunch of cracks in the house where the wind blows thru, and nothing fills up a crack like caulk. I figgered a 14 inch tube of white caulk wld do the job. i asked jake if he had 14 inches of white caulk, and he said he did but only the one tube and he needed it for himself. so thursday I and jake went to the hardware store, but they didnt have 14 inches of white caulk, all they was 18 inches of black caulk and 10 inches of...

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There are bats in my underpants drawer

I thot i got rid of them but evidently not. i went to change my underpants and reached in there and heard something scratching and squeaking and sure enough, it was those same bats from the summer. i do not blame them for liking it in my underpants drawer because it must be comfortable in there. i been mostly wearing new underpants lately because i and jake found that box of Hanes on that loading dock a couple months ago, so i have...

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That kid in Indiana sure can drive fast

You might of seen this in the news: Sez here some teenager in Indiana got arrested for driving 140 mph. Sez he was in a hurry to get home before his curfew. Well, fair enough. So long as he has got a good reason. Now, the obvious bad news for the teenager is that he got caught by the cops. But the good news is he was driving so fast that he fastforwarded in time, and by the time he got home he was 30 years old and the curfew didnt...

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Changing the dates for when the seasons start is not the way to fix our climate

It has been awful warm lately, but i dont see the solution being to change when the seasons start, and i just dont support this idea thats been in the news lately to change the date when winter starts to "sometime in Februrary," like the head of the Weather Administration said the other day. According to this fellow, summer wld go until mid october, then fall wld start and go on thru january, and winter wld last for roughly...

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Chanukkah: my manure-ah and my shia pet

As i have mentioned before, I and jake once had a bb gun fight and he shot my eye out, which is how i got this one brown eye, which had been in the head of a rabbi before it was put into my head. ever since i got this eye, i have felt like i have a little jewish blood in me, which i suppose i quite literally do. anyways, last night was the start of channukah, so in honor of my eyeballs rabbi, we lit the candles and did some barook...

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Grape flavored Fanta Claus is coming to town

Some of you might know that who we all picture as Santa Claus is something conjured up by the Coca Cola company back in the 1930s. a fellow by the name of haddon sundblom drew Santa for coke and did such a bang up job of it that ol’ haddons Santa is pretty much what we think of when we picture santa. To show that i am not talking out of my hat, here is a picture from 1931 of santa pondering a coke: Now, you are probly wondering...

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Xmas at the grange with jake's vegetable flavored pigmeat

Now that i have recovered from dody’s turducken, i am out of bed and onto my feet again, even tho i am sitting down to right this and am not actualy on my feet. The whole reason is b/c it seems it werent such a good idea after all to stuff a chicken in a duck and the duck in a turtle. not with this turtle, anyway. i am a sucker for turtle, always have been, always will be. but some turtles you catch are good and some turtles you...

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We got us a telescope, damnit!

You have probly been wondering what i did on New Years Eve, so I will tell you. Dody got me a telescope for xmas, and i and jake and dody and even captain slow spent the 31st looking at uranus. some of the things we wondered abt uranus are: does it have a ring around it? how long does it take uranus to orbit the sun? is uranus just a big gas filled place? or is it solid? does uranus have a crust? is uranus real big or is uranus real...

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WARNING! Fried bluejay with give you the jumps

Back 8 months or so ago i found Dodie a orange kitten which is now a cat named Gillette. usually cats dont make it much past the 6 month mark up here b/c of fishercats and coyotes and whatnot, which is why we name our cats after disposable razors. gillette replaces a black and white tuxedo cat named schick, which replaced a tiger tom named Bic. anyway, Gillete came home wed w/ a bluejay and a cardinal and dropped them rite on the...

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Those Polar Bears Should Go To Community College

There has been a lot of hullaballoo abt polar bears lately. I understand they are having a hard time up there in the arctic what with the melting icecaps and such, but do they have it any harder than folks in Detroit or Ohio or even at the Delco hairbrush factory that used to be here in town? It is a polar bears job to eat seals and swim from iceberg to iceberg. They have had that job for years. It has been a good job, but jobs...

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These pictures were in a camera phone i found

Found one of those cell phone cameras in the backpack of a fellow come thru. was quite a few pictures on it, including a handful of some fellow going about his goings on in an apartment somewheres. the pictures dont look atall like the fellow whats backpack the cameraphone belonged to, so i dont know what to make of things. i think the fellows name is raul and there are more pictures in the gallery to yr left and down somewhat. maybe...

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It aint a surge or escalation. It is an AUGMENTATION.

Sez here on the radio that condoleeza rice says the presidents plan isnt a surge or escalation. she says it is an "augmentation." Well, now things make sense. I had wondered why the president had mobilized 21,000 plastic surgeons.

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What with the power being out, I am reminded of Randy Bump's grease car and mine and jake's grease TV

Before this ice storm I had ran into Randy Bump in town last week and he was all this and all that abt his 1982 modified mercedes sedan that runs on french fry grease from those fastfood places out on the strip. says he gets abt 100 miles to the gallon running on nothing but grease. says his grease car is the best thing ever, and i wont be the one to deny him on that point. Randys grease car did get me thinking abt this TV jake and I...

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