I have had a bad case of the jumps the last few days and i think it is because i ate too much rabbit on sunday.
but that is not the point of what i have to say. what i have to say involves Gus Minors assignation w/ the lord and subsequent divorce from him.
What happend was there was quite a spread at the grange what w/ the glut of rabbits Gus provided. he lives all alone out on Dead Cat Road where he has been raising ferrets and minks for their coats and oils and sweetmeats for some years but this past summer some of those fellows in the powder blue suits came out to see him and since then he is jesus this and jesus that and he changed over his whole operation so he is raising goats for religious slaughter and also some rabbits on the side for easter. So i think it is fair to say he went whole hog on the easter business this year.
anyway, there we were at the grange, i and dody and jake and cpt slow and oolo his estonian mail order fiance and travis and the Olsen twins and the Duffs and Big Tiny and the Petes Turkowski both jr and sr now that jrs tongue has healed up from licking that flagpole and the jehova witness protection fellows in the blue powder suits and a good dozen or two more people were there too, and Gus he put out a spread the likes of which i am pretty sure you have not seen before. He said he intended it to catch the eye of the Lord and i suppose it did at that. there was rabbit soup and pancakes w/ rabbit syrup, and grilled rabbit and boiled rabbit and salad w/ rabbit kidneys chopped into it and rabbit head cheese and little rabbit haggisses and for desert there was chocolate rabbit made out of rabbit milk. I think i got the jumps from the head cheese, to be honest w/ you. that is the last time i have that, I tell you what.
But the jumps is not the point of what i am talking abt.
Now, i am not the tub thumpingest churchgoing fellow, and i am not going to pretend to be. but i do recall a thing in Leviticus 11 that says ye shall not et of the coney which is a kind of rabbit and the hare which is also a kind of rabbit because they both cheweth the cud and divideth not the hoof and is both unclean. And theres a thing in there abt things that creep along on four feet being abominations and whatsoever goeth upon his paws and a lot of other things like weasels and mice and ferrets and bobcats and wolverines and suchlike that you wld not think you wld find in the desert but maybe you actually do. I remember that section b/c i have eaten of most all of the things listed there and altho i am probly in trouble for doing it, i dont think the lord ever has tasted Dody’s weaselburger and if he had he wld think twice abt things.
so i pointed this all out to Gus whilst he was talking abt salvation and such, and he thot a bit and he pulled out his pocket bible and looked it over and then said, "Well, now Frank. That is a ponder." And i said Yes it certainly is. And he kind of looked at the jehova witness protection fellows and said, "What do you fellows say abt what Frank has said?" And they took a gander at the bible and scratched their heads and dint really say much but kind of pushed their plates away and took off their lobster bibs, which we were all wearing, and then jake let out a belch that i swear you cld feel at a subsonic level like the way elephants talk to each other, and the powder blue fellows slipped out the door.
You might think that is the end of the story but it is not b/c just this morning Gus rousted me in the middle of this snowstorm we are having right now and wldn’t you know it but he is abandoning his rabbit operation and going back to the ferrets and minks and he says it is all b/c of me.
So that is what happened on easter and now i am going back to where i was sitting and i am going to finish reading the Readers Digest i started on sunday night. I am right in the middle of a story abt a cat that dialed 911 and i have got to see how it all ends.
