What happened was that Cpt Slow finished that sauna he started abt six years ago. If you have ever seen cpt slow hammer a nail, you will understand why it took him so long. He is so slow it is like he defiles gravity. It is like he is using a hammer filled w/ helium. It is like the nail is at the bottom of a big tub of lemon pudding.
But he has built a sauna and i have not, which is something that dody pointed out to me and which i unfortunately have to agree w/.
Anyhow, as part of the inaugeration of the sauna we had our 1st annual contest wherein we slicked ourselves up head to toe w/ antiperspirants and timed how long we cld stay in the sauna w/o sweating. We followed the Quebec Rules as usual which dictate that no petroleum jelly be used b/c apparently there have been problems w/ people exploding.
Here are the results:
1. Oola, cpt slows ebay fiance from estonia: 27min 12 sec before she got a band of sweat on her forehead.
2. Jake: this was a real surprise b/c i have seen jake sweat an awful lot before. but he is nothing if not methodical and he must of used at least 3 whole things of antiperspirant on himself before getting in the sauna and he gave Oola a real run for the money before his shins started sweating. 25 min and 56 sec.
3. Brenda Bump: you wld think just from the sound of her name that brenda wld sweat alot b/c it is a name that, there is no nice way to say it, just sounds fat. But brenda is a skinny little thing and she held her own pretty good and went 18 min and 2 secs before passing out.
4. Pete Turkowski Jr.: i believe this is young pete’s best showing in a contest so far. He went 17 min and 23 secs and then the antiperspirant just gave out and he started gushing.
5. Dody: i have got to hand it to dody. She does not usually dane to compete in our contests but she did for this one and what she did NOT do was even use any antiperspirant! She was the only one who went solo into the sauna and she went 9 min and 45 sec before she got a little sweat mustache like in those Got Milk advertizements but w/o the milk and w/ sweat instead. We have gave her a special award for going solo and have even called the Guinness book of records to see if we can get her in there book but they have not called back yet.
There were many more contestants but nobody else went much more than 6 mins. You will notice that i am not in the top 5 and that is b/c I got nervous and was sweating even before i got in the sauna. Next year i hope to do better.
