But I think the first thing you need to know is abt Eddie Champagne who runs a used car place and xmas tree farm on the out skirts of town. And the next thing you need to know is that you can not trust eddie as far as you can throw him and considering that eddie is a big fellow, that is not far. And the third thing you need to know is Fat Carl who has been working for eddie for the last year or so and eddie owes Fat Carl a fair amt of money b/c he is not so good abt paying people which is something I had told Fat Carl but somethings you just need to learn the hard way and that is just the way it is. The 4th thing is eddie makes Fat Carl where a santa suit. Now, I have been down that road before and I will tell you what: it is not as much fun to wear a santa suit as you might think. And i think the last thing you need to know is that Fat Carl does not have a right arm b/c of that thing what happened w/ his lawnmower.
So what happened is that I and jake were at Sportsmens Lounge a couple nites ago when Carl came in all steamed at Eddie for not paying him and he was plotting revenge. And since I and jake have been sore at Eddie ever since that time we caught him metal detecting in the cemetery after we had told him that is OUR cemetery to metal detect in we were curious abt what Fat Carl might have been plotting.
Anyhow, one thing led to another and we borrowed Big Tinys truck and loaded it up w/ abt 100 of eddy’s xmas trees and headed down to NY to sell them since you can get something like $500 per tree down there.
But since Fart Carl does not have a right arm he cld not drive b/c Big Tinys truck is a shifter truck which meant either I or jake had to drive so we drew straws and I lost and since Fat Carl is so fat I cld not fit up front w/ them and had to ride all the way down to NY in back of the truck w/ the xmas trees which was real cold and real itchy and kind of sticky for a real long time. But i am not complaining, i am just saying.
Now I am going to skip the part abt us not really knowing how to get to NY and then getting lost and hitting that mailbox w/ the truck b/c we finally did get to NY so it is not really worth mentioning.
So what happened was we got to NY and set up shop on this corner where there were alot of people and we were all set to sell those xmas trees when this bunch of canadians came over and said we cld not sell xmas trees in NY b/c only canadians can do that. Well, this just seemed unreasonable to us and we said so and those canadians made it clear through a multitude of threats that they were not gong to let us sell our xmas trees. So then we left that place and went to another place and do you know what happened: the same exact thing happened is what happened. And so then we went to another place and the SAME thing happened only these canadians were even meaner than the other canadians and they waved their hockey sticks and bradors around and told us we did not want to mess around w/ the canadian xmas tree racket and we had better be getting a move on or we wld get hurt. And then we drove around for a while and when ever we wld see other people selling xmas trees some fellow or another wld point at us from besides the trees and either shake his head no or draw his finger across his throat in a menacing way and it was clear to us that we were up against a whole lot of sinister canadians and there is not a lot you can do when that happens.
We finally went to yet a place in brooklynn where thankfully there were no canadians. But the only people there were jewish. You probly wonder how I know that and it is b/c i am part jewish b/c of the surgery i had when they replaced my bad eyeball w/ that good one from a dead rabbi. That is a whole nother story and my point is just that i can spot these things better than a lot of people. Anyway, we did not sell any trees in brooklynn even tho the canadians were not there.
The whole operation did not go real well is the long and short of it and we ended up coming all the way back home w/ the same bunch of trees we went to NY w/ and I had to ride in back again b/c I picked odds and jake picked evens when we were deciding who got the front seat. I am not mad at jake but it is distressing how often he wins those shootouts.
Tomorrow we need to return Big Tinys truck b/c he will probly notice it is missing. And we need to figure out what to do w/ all these xmas trees. I will tell you what: I have got my hands so full w/ all of this that I do not know when i am going to find time to wrap dody’s gifts.
