Columns
Putting the Spectacular Back in Speculum
The cold speculum, the stirrups, the swabbing—we can all think of better things to spread our legs for than a pelvic exam. But if you actually love your vagina, you’ll get them regularly to detect and prevent cervical cancer, infections, STDs and other...The Age of Aquarisex
We’ve all taken showers when we intend to get more dirty than clean. Clothing is peeled off and dropped like a kinky Hansel and Gretel trail to what appears to be a steamy, sexy gingerbread house of waterborne sex. You flirtatiously stick a soapy finger out of...The Jelly Green Giant
“Get this blondie off my jacket—we’re leaving.” My friend Alex looks at me quizzically. My eyebrows pop up schoolmarm-style as if to say, “Are you an idiot? Obey me!” If I were a schoolmarm, I’d have a yardstick so I could...Let's Get Physical, Physical
The latest women’s fitness craze doesn’t involve a liquid diet or counting calories and isn’t endorsed by Kim Kardashian. It doesn’t come in a bottle or a portion-controlled box, but it definitely comes. Well, at least you do. The organic...The Immaculate Female Ejaculate
I can tell you a lot about semen. An hour of research and I can tell you how to create a summery cumcoction (“I Bet Lance Armstrong Makes a Great Cocktail,” May 12, 2011) or how to increase the volume of your little soldier’s final gunshot...College Disorientation
As I write this, Hampshire hipsters are making “awesome connections” over a mutual appreciation of analog photography, Smith girls are wavering on their sexual orientations and Amherst preppies, like a slightly grown-up cast of Gossip Girl, are always in...Orgasmic Organics
It was over a year ago that I wrote one of the first V-Spot columns about how much K-Y personal lubricant sucked. This continues to be true, even if they did debut a commercial last month featuring a rather boring lesbian couple talking about how much they heart K-Y...Treats for Tricks
As the great pre-rehab, pre-celesbian Lindsay Lohan once recited in my favorite guilty pleasure movie: “Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” If you happened to be lucky...The Triumphant Return of Westie Wonder
W.W. W. here. Remember me? Well, I have another question for you. It involves the same guy, same hands. Obviously, I enjoy sex, probably more than most women my age. My partner is great in all respects. I do have one question, though. When we are having sex, and...Hitachi Me Baby, One More Time
Screw Sex and The City and their Rabbit Habit vibrator. The Hitachi Magic Wand would kick that little bunny’s ass in the vibrator wrestling ring (hitachi-magic-wand.com). The Hitachi is the secretly world famous heavyweight champ of buzzing sex toys, earning its...Autumn Sextrology
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Libra in the baby carriage. It’s no surprise that this easy-going autumnal sign likes to follow tradition. Libra (Sept. 23rd—Oct. 23rd) is a homebody devoted to creating the perfect domestic atmosphere for...Gettin' Freaky Geeky
Get your gamer off the couch and into the sack with LELO’s new SenseMotion remote-controlled line of technologically titillating toys. Always fancy-shmancy and rechargeable, the ever-popular Swedish designers of LELO have really shaken things up this time by...Orgy Etiquette, Part 1: Attending
I’ve never participated in an orgy—unless you count that time at boarding school, which is a story to be told in a newspaper not religiously read by my parents, who paid big bucks for said education (thanks, Mom and Dad!). Being an orgy virgin, I was keen...Orgy Etiquette Part 2: Hosting
There are two ways to host an orgy. One is to prime the scene for the “oopsie orgy,” an “unplanned,” tipsy night with a handful of curious friends who all happen to trip and fall into your bed after a series of suggestive suggestions…...Figgy Pudding: We Won't Go Until We Get Some
Yes, men are the hardest people to buy holiday presents for. A guy can only get so many shaving kits. This holiday season, get him something smoother than a Mach3 and hotter than a cup of cocoa. Get him hornier than a red-nosed reindeer, make him want you a Latke and...Joy to the World!
Giving a lady a sexy gift is almost as much about what you don’t get her as what you do. We’ve all had those moments when we thought a slinky piece of lingerie would be a good gift for us both, but then it was too big or, maybe even worse, too small. Too...Ain't Too Proud to Peg
My natural-born frenemy Dan Savage popularized the term “pegging” after it was voted the winning entry in a contest he ran in 2001, when he and his loyal readers realized that there was no common word for a woman strapping it on and penetrating her man...Lost in Trans-elation
Until Shiloh Jolie-Pitt grows up to be a hunky transguy (fingers crossed) or Glee welcomes a new trans cast member who represents as well as Naya Rivera’s lesbian hotness (yes, please!), we’ve got few icons bringing transmale-sexy back. Though Chaz...Eat My (Birthday) Cake
Capricorns (December 22–January 19) are hard-working, goal-oriented and natural-born leaders who, with a dash of stubborn arrogance, have perfected the recipe for hard-earned success. This makes Cappy a loyal provider in lifelong partnerships, as cheating simply...Digital, Digital Get Down
As their virginal white megastores suggest, Apple doesn’t condone “overtly sexual content” in its 500,000+ iPhone Apps. However, searching for the term “sex” reveals plenty of tired Cosmo-inspired position guides and boobie pictorials in...The Skinny on Loving Big
Fat people have sex. But if you look around an adult store, even progressive sex-positive ones like Northampton’s Oh My, you’ll be hard pressed to find the evidence on vibrator boxes, porn covers and book jackets. Like trying to have raucous sex in a...Why Your Sex Drive Needs a Jack
Whether your libido is a convenient Mini Cooper, a sexy Lexus or a trusty, reliable Ford pickup, you’re bound to get a flat eventually. But in order to keep yourself out of permanent park, it’s important to understand what deflates our sex drives. Stress....Mad Scientists Hate Your G-Spot
On January 19th, HuffingtonPost.com published an article titled “G-Spot Does Not Exist ‘Without a Doubt,’ Say Researchers” in which Dr. Amichai Kilchevsky told me that my G-Spot isn’t real—clearly, an idiotic thing to say....The Sexential Reading List
Before you blow another $4 on Cosmo’s “best-kept, mind-blowing, sex secrets!” (aka reprinted, boring sex cliches), consider turning some pages that, though not glossy nor graced by Kate Hudson’s smiling blondeness, will actually soak the...Packing, Cleaning and a Sex Party
Today I’m doing two things: packing to move and prepping for my very first sex party. “Packing to move!” you might say. Don’t worry, you loyal little pervs, sex nerds and casual exhibitionists. I’m not leaving you! To the minority of...Enjoy Your Porn!
“You write a sex column. So that means I can ask you anything,” says my friend Cam over coffee. “Yeah—I guess that’s true,” I laugh. “So why do I like watching penis porn?” she spits out. “You mean like...Sweet Spring Fancies
I’m a classic romantic. I’m simply brought to my knees with the promise of a mouthful of… chocolate and a fistful of pussy… willows. I’m just soaking wet… with happy tears, of course… if someone comes at me with a big,...Come Again?
Orgasms. Why have one when you could have many? Am I right? Obviously I am. Though a phrase like “multiple orgasms” may imply a focus on quantity and not quality, don’t race to the first finish line in the orgasmic marathon you hope to compete in....I Got It From My Mama
I don’t pickle things at home. I don’t shower, shave and brush my teeth all with the same bottle of Dr. Brauners that I picked up from Cornucopia. I do love the farmer’s market and admire the Pedal People’s devotion as they carry our...Dear V-Spot: I'm Flirting With Squirting
Dear V-Spot— I’m a big fan of your column and have learned many good things to make sex not only better for my girlfriend but for me also! I have a question about squirting. I’m a very selfless lover. I’d rather please my girlfriend than be...Kristen Stewart is a Trampire
What does a sex writer read about when she’s not jack— I mean, doing research for columns? Gossip rags, natch So, when I first read that crazed KStew/RPatz fans are buying up “Kristen Stewart is a Trampire” T-shirts in response to the cheating...Don't Be OKStupid
I recently responded to a Craigslist ad seeking administrative help in a home office. You can already see where this is headed, I’m sure. I’m considered a bit of a pro at sexual innuendo myself, and I’m rarely duped. Call me old-fashioned, but when I...Bottoms Up!
Being a good bottom is like having someone very important over for dinner. You want to cook them whatever they like. Everything must be perfect, not just to please them, but to please you, too. Being a good bottom isn’t just about lazily “taking it.”...The Hole Enchilada
Whether you’re going through a sexual drought or just appreciate some quality bonding time for you and your penis, you may be shopping for a male masturbation sleeve. Before you get your boxer-briefs in a bunch, let me assure you that we’ve already been...Get Into Your Birthday Suit
Happy 2nd Birthday to the V-Spot! Thanks to a tiny pink laptop, a couple of dildo-slinging jobs, and of course, you wonderful, sexually curious readers, we’ve made it through 104 weekly columns together. Thank you, readers! You came, you conquered, you came...Goodbye, Condoms
A new contraceptive for men? That prevents pregnancy after 15 minutes and lasts for 10 years? That’ll not only kill your baby-making potential but also HIV? Sounds too good to be true! Because—well, it may be. RISUG (Reversible Inhibition of Sperm Under...Help A Ram Reach His Orgasmic Peak
R eader Ram writes the V-Spot: Hi. I don’t write in to anywhere but you seemed to be trying to solicit responses, so here you go. I’ve been picking [the Valley Advocate] up for a while just to do the crossword in it. However, I read your article once and...Dear Mr. Limbaugh, This Is How the Pill Works
Anyone who’s read any recent quotes from a Republican knows that it’s not a great time to have a womb in this country. It’s truly concerning. More concerning, however, is that Rush Limbaugh doesn’t know how birth control pills work. Though...The Life & Times of Mr. Condom
It’s not easy being a condom. You’re pressured to protect against STIs and pregnancy and get mega-blamed when you don’t. You plunge head-first into some shady places and then you’re tossed aside like common trash. And at your distinguished age!...'Til Lesbian Bed Death Do We Part
Apparently, the first thing you have to do when you’re initiated into the secret lesbian society, after cutting your hair into a faux-hawk, attending a Tegan & Sara concert and applying to Smith, is make funeral arrangements for your bed. Popular rumor and...Twelve Titillating Titty ?Toids
From the famous pink ribbon symbol to pink cleats on Monday night football (awww!), October has promoted the health and happiness of tatas everywhere with my all-time favorite color for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Here’s to the survivors, the fighters, the...15 Reasons for Women to Masturbate. Right Now.
Like peeing in the woods, it’ll always be anatomically easier for men to masturbate than it is for women. I’d love to think that this is the only reason that, to this day, a woman masturbating solo is practically unseen, unheard and unacknowledged by...Feeling Slap-Happy
Last night I ate six bowls of Rice Krispies. This represents half the number of orgasms I had 10 minutes prior, compliments of some stellar, dominant BDSM performances by my favorite male porn star James Deen on KinkOnDemand.com. It’s obvious why a few bowls of...Clit Chat: 14 Clitoral Factoids to Know
Factoid 1. The clitoris is the only part of the human body that exists solely for pleasure. Other pleasurable spots like the nipples, neck, tongue and penis all have at least one other function. 2. The clitoris is bashful, only revealing one-fourth of herself outside...Wait! How Do Lesbians Have Sex?
When my wife and I lived in South America, we really improved our Spanish. Most importantly, we learned that the slang word for “lesbian” (roughly equivalent to English’s “dyke”) is “tortillera.” This literally means “a...God Help Us Get Off
My Christian high school-attending wife’ll tell you I suck at religion. A born-and-bred apathetic atheist, I wouldn’t know the difference between a Catholic and a Protestant if God smote me with a lightning bolt himself. Because the Bible doesn’t...Cougars, Sugar Daddies and Cubs…Oh, My!
Cougars and sugar daddies pave the yellow brick road to Sexual Stereotypesville. While people can “understand” why an older woman might want the confidence boost and sexual stamina that comes with the attention of a much younger man, or how a rich dude...The Quest for the Holy O
What’s up, Yana! I have many questions for you, but here’s my first: I am… sexually inexperienced. I’m assuming you didn’t grow up in an Irish Catholic family, but I did, and, boy! We don’t talk about sex. I’m really just...Shiver Me Jimbers–10 Erectile Factoids
I love boners! Besides being the sponsors of many kinds of sex, they also have an amazing sense of spontaneity, making a boring situation like checking a book out of the library or waking up at a slumber party tons of awkward fun. Here’s to you, Mr. Bonerson,...How to Make a Gayby
My urges to wipe the snot off a stranger’s baby’s nose are practically unfightable. My womb aches. Unlike others struck by baby fever, I can’t just poke some holes in the condom and call it an “accident”—drats! Ladies making babies...In Your Dreams, Pervert!
I find it strange when my subconscious offers me a sex dream, especially after I spend most of my waking hours reading, writing, watching and talking sex. Like, hello, Subconscious—what else is there to tell me about sex that I haven’t thought about...
Meet Me at the River
I spent the last month asking longtime Valley residents what their favorite swimming hole is and why. A bit of a Valley swimming hole fanatic myself, I was surprised at the amount of new plunge-worthy places people spilled to me. But then I was promptly sworn to...Can?t Touch This
Dear V-Spot: I’m totally in love with my Hitachi Magic Wand. But I’m… worried… that it’s ruined me for all other sex. I use the high speed on my wand and that’s usually the only way I can come. Not only do I want to vary...How to Watch Porn
I often wax woefully philosophical in these columns about porn—mainly about how we (particularly women) have been culturally conditioned to think that watching porn is inherently wrong, desperate or weird, and that pornographic films are intrinsically degrading,...Give Yourself Good Head
The things Netflix Watch Instantly makes me do! This is now the second column inspired by this ridiculous show, Strange Sex. I apologize. Said inspirational episode follows Barbara Carrellas through her magical ability to achieve (and teach!)...Bye, Bye, Bi
Coming out as bisexual is like telling your parents that you want to be a princess when you grow up. Mommy might nod and tell you that’s a great, plausible choice that she accepts because she’s no bigot, but when you actually grow up, the only way...Help! My Libido?s Fallen and it Can?t Get Up!
Hi , Yana, My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half and living together since August. When we first started dating, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. He’s also the only guy I’ve been with that will make me come every time....Once a Cheater…
Wait three days to call after the first date. Don’t sleep together too soon. Encyclopedias have been devoted to “The Relationship Rules” and “Dump his ass!” is the cardinal rule of cheating, as if the love life you’ve built together...Flaux Jobs
Flaux job: A faux blow job. Or the act of sucking a silicone dildo as if you were giving a flesh-and-blood ding-a-ling a blow job. As in oral sex, head, BJs. You’re familiar with those, right? I thought so. For those familiar with the,...E-Edition
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