The V-Spot
The V-Spot: SOS! I’m Spaced Out During Sex
Yana, I need your expertise!I’m a 19-year-old guy in a hetero relationship. I was pleasuring my partner last night and I realized I stopped being present and could not become present again. She picked up on it and, well, I really wanted to be present for it but I...
The V-Spot: I’ve Had Enough With Vaginismus
Editor’s Note: Sexual trauma addressed in this week’s column.Hi Yana,I really appreciate your column and the work that you do. I have a really embarrassing sex problem. I was sexually abused throughout various parts of my life, starting in my childhood and going into...
The V-Spot: My 2-Minute Orgasm
So, I was masturbating last night and set a timer. It took me under two minutes to orgasm. However, when someone else in involved, it takes forever or doesn’t happen at all. I can count the times it’s happened on two hands.Every time I masturbate it’s like...
The V-Spot: Consent, It’s Not Just for Students
Thankfully, consent is becoming a big topic on college campuses. However, most conversations about consent overfocus on the damaging outcomes of the failure to ask for consent rather than engaging students in learning the benefits of ongoing conversations about...
The V-Spot: Help! My Boyfriend Hates My Vagina
Hi Yana,I’m a straight 20-something lady and have been with my boyfriend for two years. We have a great sex life and we’re totally in love! He doesn’t seem to have much of an interest in my vagina — and my vagina, in my mind, is kinda the main thing...
The V-Spot: My Sexual ‘A’ is Not a Scarlet Letter
Dear Yana,I was recently discussing your column with some new friends I met through Pioneer Valley Aces, a local group of individuals who identify as aromantic and/or asexual. I wasn’t the only one of us who appreciated your witty way of reassuring those who...
The V-Spot: Women (and Men), Do Your Kegels
Hi Yana,I’m a young undergraduate student and yet I’ve been having issues with bladder control. I’ve been wanting to explore doing more Kegels and have heard of these kegel balls you can get. Do you know anything about that? I want to get a good brand/the right...
The V-Spot: New Pornographer Interested in Sex Ed
Hi Yana! I saw your TEDx talk in Vienna and was copiously taking notes. The content was an eye-opener for me. I had never thought that both of our basic information sources about sex [school-sanctioned sex education and online pornography] are running their very own...
The V-Spot: Genderqueer, Breaking Binary
Hello Yana!I’ve had a lot of difficulty telling partners that I’m genderqueer and that I use they/them pronouns. It definitely comes into play as soon as sex gets involved. Maybe part of what I’m asking is how can I and my partners break traditional gender norms in...
The V-Spot: Three-Way Nookie Rookie Needs Advice
Hey, Yana, I’m a queer lady in my mid-20s and I’ve been with my boyfriend for about four years now. We’ve got an awesome hot and freaky sex life and we’re on the brink of our very first threesome with another girl. We’re both really excited that this is happening, but...
The V-Spot: Husband Seeking Female-Friendly Sex-ed
Hi Yana, My wife is interested in exploring her sexuality a little further — things she might be interested in trying, etc. — but is hoping to do so in a way that is female- and feminist-friendly. Do you have any suggestions for things she can do or read either...
The V-Spot: Babe Needs to Break Up
Dear Yana,I want to break up with my boyfriend of a few years. As we both near 30 I’m getting clearer that he’s just not the guy for me.But here’s the thing: We live together. We have a lease together. We share a car and a cat and just have so many logistical ties to...
The V-Spot: Jealous Over My Flirty Girlfriend
Dear Yana,My girlfriend and I have been polyamorous for three years. We have established boundaries and as far as poly relationships go, it’s been pretty smooth sailing. Usually I’m a very low-jealousy partner.But lately she’s been flirting with this one woman that I...
The V-Spot: Why Can’t I Have Sex Without Drinking?
Editor’s Note: Sexual trauma is addressed in this week’s column.Hi Yana,I can’t seem to want to have sex unless I’m drunk.This has always kind of been the case, except for when I was a teenager, and horny all the time (and not drinking). Then when I got to...
The V-Spot: I’m stuck in a cum-nundrum!
Hi Yana, My partner (cis-male) and I (queer bisexual lady) enjoy getting super hot and bothered with each other, but we’re both frustrated with my seeming inability to orgasm. When we’re fooling around, just warming up, sometimes clitoral stimulation gets...
The V-Spot: How Can I Be Poly, With A Heart?
Hi Yana,I’m in my early 30s and have been polyamorous for a couple of years. Not long ago my wife of 13 years and I split. Now I’m kind of going through a dating/poly crisis. I strongly identify as poly despite not really having a primary relationship....
The V-Spot: My ‘Orgasm’
Hello Yana,I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. We’re in our 20s, and he’s a few years older than me. There have been times when we’re intimate when he doesn’t provide me with oral sex. He’s never close to ejaculating while inside me. He only does so...
The V-Spot: How Do I Tell My Partners I’ve Got Herpes?
Hi Yana,I’m 21 years young, genderqueer, very sexual, and polyamorous! I have a penis; I also have genital herpes. Is there a best time to tell a partner?If I have symptoms or have had them recently it’s not much of a conundrum because there’s no...
The V-Spot: Seeking Seduction Instruction
Hi Yana,My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Up until a couple of months ago, I was extremely satisfied with our sex life. He wanted me all the time and would initiate sex at least one to three times daily. Recently, we moved in together and it seems the...
The V-Spot: We Never Talk, But I’d Like To
I know you do sex advice, but I need some relationship advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about half a year and he shows zero emotion. I want to bring it up to him, but not in a way that will make him clam up more, ya know? Any advice would be awesome....
We Can Do It! V-Spot sex advice columnist Yana Tallon-Hicks has made it her mission to get us all to O-Town
Climbing the stairs to V-Spot sex columnist Yana Tallon-Hicks’ apartment, I wasn’t sure what to expect.Would there be a lot of framed Georgia O’Keefes on the wall? A swing hanging in the bedroom? Penis-shaped drinking glasses? I was sort of right.There are no...
The V-Spot: Oh! Oh! Oh? Where’s My Orgasm?
Hi Yana!I started having sex with males this past summer. It’s fun and exciting, but I’ve yet to reach an earth-shattering orgasm. That may be too high of an expectation for myself, but it feels like I’ve never had an orgasm at all. I feel the build up, but...
The V-Spot: Help Me Teach My Kid About Consent
Hi Yana, I have a seven-year-old son and I want to start teaching him about consent. Do you have any resources and tools for me as a parent to help him learn about consent as a kid? — Proactive Parent Dear PP, The brilliant Dutch sex education curriculum starts what...
The V-Spot: Are Tasty Lubes Giving Me Tonsillitis?
Hi Yana,I have been using flavored lube for mostly oral, but recently this has been causing tonsillitis for me. I forgot to read the fine print, “Use within 3 months,” so now I must chuck out a full bottle (I hate wastage!).What brands of flavored lube...
The V-Spot: I Want a (Not Too) Open Relationship
Hi Yana!I’m a lady in a happy, healthy, committed relationship with a man. We have a good sex life but my sex drive is much higher than his. I’m also really into girls and have wanted to ask him for a long time how he would feel if I was Friends With Benefits with...
The V-Spot: Fretting Over My First Vibrator
Hey Yana,I would like to buy either a dildo or vibrator for me but I have no experience on what to buy in terms of brand or what type for my first sex toy. What would you suggest to be the best sex toy to purchase to start with?— Fretting Over My First Vibrator Dear...
The V-Spot: Who Do I Choose?
Dear Yana, I’m a 61-year-old woman dating two men. One of them is a retired, 75-year-old secure man who knows who he is. The other is in his 50s and is still trying to figure it all out. Neither of them knows about the other one and live at a distance from each...
The V-Spot: Straight Talk About the Butt
Hello Yana, I’ve been curious for a while about anal play while I’m pleasuring myself. I’ve heard it generates a more intense orgasm. I can take fingers, but I’d like to try something more (on the smaller side of course). Being a guy, is there a position or toy that...
The V-Spot: Hide My Hickies!
Hey Yana, Tis I, LL [from previous column “‘Butch’ Lost in Labialand”]. I’m back with another problem. The advice you gave me last time worked out great. Opening the lines of communication between my partner and I really helped. However, my girlfriend and I have run...
V-Spot: A Dildo Built For Two
Hi Yana! My fiancée and I just realized that we have sex, sure, but we’ve never talked about what we really wanted in sex. Toys came up and we tried my Mini Rabbit vibrator and we love it. We’ve both tried strap-ons before and neither she nor I really like them, but...
The V-Spot: Is It Okay to Quit Sex?
Hi Yana, I’m a relatively young woman who enjoyed an active, above-average sex life for my entire adult life, even after the birth of my first two children. However, I found that after my last son was born, my desire for sex suddenly vanished to the degree that I can...
The V-Spot: The Rules of Attraction
Yana, I’m a single hetero guy in my 60s. Since my divorce some years ago, I haven’t dated much. What I truly want is a loving, long-term relationship with a partner and to be a loving, giving partner in return. Here’s my problem: I’m short and not terribly...
The V-Spot: Bugged About Body Hair
Dear Yana, As of last year, I love my body hair. I especially like my pubic hair because I can style it, usually depending on my mood: totally unshaven, as a strip, but rarely fully shaven. However, I’ve noticed that when I have the chance to get intimate with...
The V-Spot: I Love Anal, But It Hurts
Hi Yana, My boyfriend and I have recently started exploring anal play. We’re starting small with just his finger. We use plenty of lube and it goes in pretty easily and isn’t painful at all, but almost every time we’ve done anal play, I’ve bled the next day and been...
The V-Spot: My BF is Pushing for Polyamory
Hi Yana, My partner and I have been together for five months. He wants to be polyamorous, specifically to have sex and be in relationships with other women. He recently got out of a long term relationship so he doesn’t really want to be in a serious relationship now,...
The V-Spot: Hooking Up Online
Dear Yana, I’m seeking out dating websites that have individuals who are thoughtful and open to trying or having more casual sex, but also respect boundaries in sexual exploration. I don’t trust Craigslist, and I’m not really into OKCupid or Tinder. I would love some...
The V-Spot: Dry-humping Better Than Sex
Hi Yana, I’m an 18-year-old girl with a sex question. I don’t orgasm during sex with a guy, but I usually do orgasm when we’re dry-humping. Do you have any advice about how sex could be made better for me? I still want to have sex to pleasure my partner, but it’s...
The V-Spot: Vaginally High and Dry
Dear Yana, At my last vaginal exam, the doctor could barely get her fingers inside and absolutely couldn’t insert the speculum. She said that I had vaginal atrophy. I’m in my late 50s and my doctor suggested hormone replacement therapy. I am interested in...
The V-Spot: Help! My Orgasms Went on Holiday
Hey Yana, I’m a 28-year-old female with a high sex drive. I’ve always found it easy to come with clitoral stimulation. When my partner and I have sex it’s not unusual for it to last over an hour. My guy loves cunnilingus almost as much as I love getting it. I often...
Can I Be DTF and Still Respect Myself?
Dear Yana, What do you do when a DTR conversation doesn’t go your way? I’m a modern babe who’s Slutever Forever. I’m into my generation’s DTF hook-up culture, but I also want to respect my boundaries, my body, and my feelings. What do you do when you tell the guy...
The V-Spot: ‘Butch’ Lost in Labialand
Hey Yana, I recently started reading your sex column, and it’s really great! There are sooooo many questions I had floating around in my mind about sex, because they don’t really talk about lesbians that much (ahem, at all) in sex ed. My problem is this: I recently...
The V-Spot: Horny With HPV – Now What?
Hi Yana, I’m a 26-year-old female with HPV and a high sex drive. Ever since my diagnosis I haven’t been able to have a lasting romantic or sexual relationship because I’m too scared to open up about this. I’ve told my closest friends because I want them to know that...
The V-Spot: Freaked About Fellatio
Hi Yana, My friend seriously freaked me out when she told me that I should always use condoms for oral sex when I’m not in a longterm, monogamous relationship. Have I been sleeping on this or is she being dramatic? What are the transmission rates of STDs through oral...
The V-Spot: Can I Ask my GF to Stop Using Her Vibrator?
Hi Yana, With previous girlfriends it’s been easier over time to bring them to orgasm as I get to know their preferences and bodies, however my current girlfriend owns a Hitachi Magic Wand that she has been using for nine months. It’s significantly more difficult now...
The V-Spot: Help! My Small Penis Doesn’t Measure Up
Hey Yana, Does penis size matter? I’m a 20-year-old male and a tall guy who gyms a lot and has fairly good genetics … all but in the penis department. I’m 6 feet tall and I literally have a 4-incher. I’ve found that a lot of girls are size queens and the girls I...
The V-Spot: Fretting Over My First Time
Hi Yana, I’m a 17-year-old virgin. My partner and I tried having sex, but we couldn’t get it in. I went to the doctor for contraception and I asked her why we couldn’t get it in. She said that I needed to relax; how the hell do I relax?! During sex (or trying to) I...
Couple Seeking Toyfriend
Hi Yana, Straight guy here in a monogamous relationship. We’re looking to add some toys to our routine and would love to hear your opinions and suggestions on items that we could use together. We’ve been eyeballing the Oden 2 from Lelo [a vibrating, rechargeable,...
The V-Spot: Getting What We Came For, how did that advice turn out?
If four years of writing a sex column have taught me anything, it’s that there’s nothing more important than honoring feedback from those you get down and dirty with. Well, and that masturbation is key. So, in keeping with best sex practices, I present you with some...
The V-Spot: Why Don’t I Want Sex With My BF?
Hi Yana, I’ve been with my boyfriend for six years and he was my first and only sexual partner. Sexually we struggle. Well, I struggle. The thought of having sex is like a chore. I try really hard to do it even when I don’t want to because I know he needs that and...
The V-Spot: Hell-Bent on the Back Door
Hey Yana, My boyfriend and I think anal sex is super hot and are determined to be pros at it! We’ve played with fingers and anal toys and managed to have a pretty successful penile-anal penetration experience once, but it hurt so much that now I’m afraid to do it...
The V-Spot: New Mom Needs to Get Some
Hey Yana, Recently I listened to Dan Savage talk on the podcast “The Longest Shortest Time” about sex and parenting. The question of how to keep a sex life alive and also co-sleep with your baby came up. He basically said, “Just don’t co-sleep.” Super unhelpful. So,...
The V-Spot: Help! I Think My Orgasms Are Broken
Hi Yana! I’ve had a sexual concern for the longest time: I have trouble feeling orgasm during sex and masturbation. At first I thought it might be my partner not knowing my spots too well, but I realized I’ve never had any ejaculations by myself either. I’m worried...
The V-Spot: My GF Won’t Let Me Butter Her Toast
Dear Yana, In your recent columns you’ve mentioned the need for sex partners to have a supply of artificial lubrication at the ready. With regard to female sex partners, artificial lubrication isn’t always needed. My first girlfriend was a gushing fountain of natural...
The V-Spot: College Sexual Orientation 101
Welcome back students! As you organize your hipster-ironic Lisa Frank folders, and passively aggressively stake your dormroom territory, I’ve got just one more checklist for you to check off before you start checking out all your new, hot campusmates. First lesson of...
The V-Spot: Gimme That Grass-Fed Porn
Hi Yana, My wife and I have previously been pretty conservative when it comes to sex and not super-adventurous. Recently we realized our marriage would be better served by us servicing each other. The journey has been great and fun and messy and awkward … but...
The V-Spot: Unplug to Buttplug?
Hi Yana! My partner and I both really like butt plugs. We have the “Little Flirt” [a small, silicone butt plug made by Tantus] that we ordered online to experiment with. A friend of ours suggested the Njoy Pure plugs [made of stainless steel and available in a variety...
The V-Spot: My Married Sex Life, for Better or Worse
Hi Yana, I’ve been with my husband for many years, and our sex life has never been ideal. We never seem to be on the same page. We definitely have different styles and preferences. Things he enjoys, I do not, and vice versa. For example, I enjoy giving him a blow job,...
The V-Spot: Bi-curious at Bedtime
Dear Yana, While I don’t think labeling one’s sexuality is always necessary, I’ve always considered myself a heterosexual woman. I’ve been attracted to members of the opposite sex for as long as I can remember. During puberty, I plastered my bedroom walls with...
The V-Spot: Hey baby, what’s your number?
Hi Yana, What are your thoughts on how much/what of your sexual history you should divulge to your current partner(s)? I always ask about most recent STD/STI tests, but is your current partners’ number of present (and past) sex partners important to know? I recently...E-Edition
Best Of 2024
Readers Choice 2024
