The V-Spot
The V-Spot: I’m Just Not Jealous and My Partner is Pissed
Hi Yana!! I’m 19 years old and I recently ended my first really serious relationship that lasted about a year. A big reason we ended it is that I felt a little restless and wanted to explore an open relationship. I did a lot of research and we both felt comfortable...
V-Spot: How Do I Help My Partner Without Being His Healer?
Dear Yana, My new reciprocated crush is terrified of and obsessed with sex. He hasn’t had many good experiences, and I’m excited to potentially be a part of his new, positive experiences. But I’m also nervous and feel a lot of pressure to navigate his sexual trauma....
V-Spot: I Caught My BF on Grindr
Hi Yana! I’ll just dive right in — it’s come to my attention my boyfriend has Grindr on his phone. He was talking to multiple people, sending scandalous pictures, and making plans to have sex. We’ve talked about this and he says it’ll never happen again and he’s...
V-Spot: What Do I Do With My Dude Pubes?
Hi Yana, I have a question I’ve been wondering about (okay, obsessing about!) and I do not think I am alone in this one: What does a man need to do about hair “down there”? I keep my pubic area trimmed but unsure what is the best and safest method for my scrotum. Any...
The V-Spot: Why Do I Cry After Climax?
Hi Yana, I’m perplexed as to why, for the last 20 years, I start bawling like a baby when I masturbate and orgasm. It only happens when I envision my ex-lover, who I had a five-year extramarital affair with in the ‘90s. We were both musicians in a college town. We...
The V-Spot: How Do We Get Our Sex Life Back After Abortion?
Hey Yana, A couple weeks ago my boyfriend and I decided we weren’t ready to have a baby just yet in our life, and we got an abortion. After previously going through one in an abusive relationship years ago, this time was much easier on me and he was very supportive...
The V-Spot: What’s Wrong With My Sex Drive?
Content note: This column talks about non-consensual sex and traumatic reactions. Hi Yana, I’m a 24-year-old woman and I’ve had no sexual desire since my teens. When I was 18, I went out with a boy from my high school and when we went to his house, he pushed sex at a...
V-Spot: Is Hormone Replacement Therapy the Key?
Hi Yana, I’m a transgender male, no bottom surgery yet (there’s a good chance it’s not even in the cards for me, anyway) and I’ll be starting HRT (hormone replacement therapy) soon. I’ve always been very frank with partners that I’m not comfortable with being touched,...
The V-Spot: My Love No Longer Dominates
Hello from Vienna, Austria, Yana! Over the years I’ve realized that I like being dominated in sex. I want strong men who play with my brain, mainly verbally. A year ago I met a guy on a kinky hookup app. We went out on a date and hit it off immediately. In the...
V-Spot: How Do I Stop Faking My Orgasms?
Dear Yana, I’m in my early 30s and have been faking orgasms for about a decade of a colorful, explorative — if not straight up hyphy — sex life. I had my first orgasm about 13 years ago with a partner, who helped me discover simultaneous clitoral stimulation during...
The V-Spot: Anxious, Preoccupied, and Non-Monogamous?
Hi Yana, I’m currently in a long-term monogamous relationship with my partner, and I am really interested in transitioning our relationship from monogamy to non-monogamy. At my request this past summer, we tried non-monogamy after identifying and agreeing to clear...
The V-Spot: Sex Drives Are Slacking & I Feel Lacking
Hi Yana, I’m a junior in college and I’ve been dating my boyfriend since our freshman year. Initially the relationship was steamy and passionate. I was his first sexual partner so we did a lot of experimenting and discovering together. As is perhaps inevitable, that...
The V-Spot: Help! NRE Feels Bad to Me!
Dear Yana, How do I stay chill when I’m interested in somebody new? Getting too excited (read: obsessed) with new people is no good for any of my relationships, regardless of how well the new connection is going. I’m a polyamorous person with a wonderful,...
The V-Spot: How Do I Get Fit to Be Tied?
Hi Yana I’ve got some sex stuff on my mind, mostly about BDSM/kink. I’m a kinskter just getting my footing in the local (Western Mass) scene and was wondering what sorts of resources other than FetLife are available. I also wanted to ask about ropes, and...
The V-Spot: I’m Still Texting with a Ghost
Hi Yana, I met a man on Tinder about a year ago, and we were unable to meet in person for over a month due to scheduling issues. In that time, we texted everyday for hours and when we were finally able to meet in person, I felt an intense connection with him. We met...
The V-Spot: The Birds & The Bees & The Herpes
Hi Yana! When it comes to sex, I’ve never really cared for it to begin with. Then, five years ago, I found out I have genital herpes, and that put an even bigger damper on things. I’ve had sexual partners since then, but having to have “the talk” before getting...
The V-Spot: Help! I Resent My Metamour!
Hi Yana! I’ve been in a non-monogamous relationship for over three years. Last year, one of my partners and I broke up in dramatic fashion. I partially blame my primary partner for this, because although he said he was okay being in a non-monogamous...
The V-Spot: Oops, I Had a Threesome
Hi Yana, I made a rookie mistake. I had a spur-of-the-moment, sober threesome with a couple I’ve been friends with for over 12 years. They visited me from across the country. We are very close friends and I’m feeling very tender now. I’m feeling like it wasn’t a big...
The V-Spot: What Do I Do About My GF’s Long Nails?
Hi Yana, I started dating a girl recently who always wears really long nails. Like the type that are super pointy at the end and as long as her pinky fingers are (they are super cool!). After we started dating she mentioned something about thinking about cutting them,...
The V-Spot: I Wanna Be Topped by My Top Surgeon
Hi Yana! I’ve been struggling a bit for the last few weeks. I’m a little bitty trans guy who recently had top surgery and I somehow managed to get it bad for my surgeon. Fantasizing about her is one thing (I should also mention that I’m a sub), but it’s grown into...
The V-Spot: My Libido’s Got the Post-Birth Blues
Hi Yana, I gave birth a beautiful baby girl about three months ago. And it’s wonderful! She is a good sleeper and I generally feel like “we got this.” Problem is, I’ve had, like, zero libido since I gave birth. My husband is clearly (politely) dying...
The V-Spot: Is a Good Lay The ONE?
Hi Yana, Can you even find The ONE when searching for The One? I know that when searching for The One, you have a list of all the things you’re attracted to, but what if those things are what are bad for you? Like, when you’re into hot and rough sex and you find the...
The V-Spot: Is My BF Having Multiple Orgasms?
Hi Yana, My boyfriend and I have been together for six years but only recently discovered that he can have multiple orgasms. If he puts his penis back inside me or if I stimulate just the tip a few seconds after he has orgasmed he can ejaculate a second time. At first...
The V-Spot: Help My Partner Help Me
Dear Yana, I’m a queer woman in my late 20s living in the U.S., and my girlfriend lives overseas. In the 2.5 years we’ve been together, about half that time has been long distance, and about half together. We’re absolutely crazy about each other and...
V-Spot: Are We Screwed if We Stop Screwing?
Hi Yana! My partner and I have been dating since October and from the beginning have had really intense sexual energy for each other (like every day, sometimes multiple times). But in the last week or two it’s sort of died out for a number of reasons. I can’t help but...
The V-Spot: How Do I Amp Up Masturbation?
Hi Yana, I’ve been single for two years now and haven’t engaged in any partnered sexual activity throughout that time. I was wondering if you have any recommendations for adding excitement for one’s masturbation practice? I recently got a new...
V-Spot: So I Looked At My BF’s Google History…
Hi Yana, This is a really hard thing to write. I recently went through my partner’s phone. (Yikes I know. I wanted to know what he got for my birthday). While scrolling in the web history I found he’s been watching gay porn and Googling personal ads on...
The V-Spot: How Do I NOT Squirt, Though?
Hi Yana! I recently entered a new relationship and my new partner finally helped me cum for the very first time! Recently though we discovered that I sometimes squirt and now I’ve been absolutely terrified of cumming since I’m anxious about making a mess. My partner...
The V-Spot: Exploring kink after trauma
Writer’s note: this column discusses sexual assault and trauma. Hey Yana! I’ve been seeing/having sex with this guy for a little while now. I really (really really) like him and feel super comfortable with him and we’ve had super good conversations about boundaries...
The V-Spot: Exploring Kink After Trauma
Writer’s note: this column discusses sexual assault and trauma. Hey Yana! I’ve been seeing/having sex with this guy for a little while now. I really (really really) like him and feel super comfortable with him and we’ve had super good conversations about boundaries...
The V-Spot: I’m The Other Woman
Hi Yana, I want to avoid having an emotional (or sexual) affair without ending a friendship. I have a friend who I really like, and am attracted to, but he’s married. I’ve known him for a couple of years, and we always hang out with his wife, who I...
The V-Spot: How Do I Move Past Old Heartbreak?
Hi Yana, I’m a dude in my mid-thirties struggling to recover from a sort of recent break-up (over a year ago). We were together for seven years. The last three of those years were spent in couples therapy and the last year of our relationship was spent trying to be...
V-Spot: My BF’s Been Sexting Other Women
Hi Yana, I was recently informed by someone that my boyfriend has been sexually texting another girl for several months, as well as had an active profile on dating site Plenty of Fish. When confronted, it took a few days but he did admit the truth to me. I am...
The V-Spot: My Boyfriend Read My Journal
Hi Yana, I was dating a guy for about year when he told me he didn’t want to have sex with me anymore, but wouldn’t give me a concrete answer as to why. A few months later I found out he had read my journal (ugh) where I was comparing sex with him to sex with my...
The V-Spot: How Do I Keep it Clean with Anal Sex?
Hi Yana! I have a general question about a couple or a person beginning to add anal play into their repertoire. Do you have any advice on how one keeps toys and/or fingers clean/separate so the toys for buttplay are kept far away from the vagina or vice versa? ...
V-Spot: Am I Getting Ghosted?
Dear Yana, Lately I’ve been in what I can best describe as a situationship; I want more and know that I have a lot to offer, but he semi-recently got out of a relationship in which his ex hurt him and he’s now scared and doesn’t want anything like that. We used to...
The V-Spot: My Vagina is Ruining My Relationship
Hi Yana! I’ve been with my partner for about a year, and in most ways our relationship is everything I want. We communicate really well, we have a great time together, our sex life is amazing, and I always feel supported by him. The problem is my vagina. For the first...
V-Spot: My Haircut is Dictating My Sex Life
Hi Yana, I have a sex question! Over the past year, I’ve noticed a pretty substantial shift in the way people think I like to fuck and I’m having difficulty confronting it. It’s probably a common experience that when people make a change to their outward appearance...
The V-Spot: WTF even is college dating?
Hello Yana! I’m looking for advice on navigating college relationships. I’m a young lesbian and I’m trying to consolidate not feeling in a good emotional place for a full romantic relationship with also looking for physical intimacy. I had a short relationship earlier...
The V-Spot: Help me flirt with an Aquarius!
Hi Yana, Okay. I gotta know. How does one flirt with an Aquarius? There’s an Aquarius male that I like … and I’m a really bad flirter. I don’t do well with flirting because I’m trying to overcompensate with my intelligence to offset my sexy social media...
V-Spot: Help Me Kick My Hitachi Addiction
HELP YANA! I’m addicted to my Hitachi! I’ve had a primary partner for just under a year. The sex is awesome, intimate, and fun. However, very rarely can I have sex and get off without using toys, and I think it’s starting to frustrate them. I don’t have a lot of...
V-Spot: Teach My Nice Guy to Play Rough
Writer’s note: This column contains mention of rape/non-consensual sex. Hey Yana!! I’ve been dating the sweetest guy. Well, sweet in ways that he always helps with housework, takes care of my dog for me, and is ALWAYS there for me. He’s a solid and loyal dude which is...
The V-Spot: My Boyfriend is … Tied Up
Hi Yana, I’ve been dating a new guy for about four months. He’s honest and makes time for me. He’s also really exciting, and after going through a lot of painful previous relationships, I actually feel safe with him. Our sex life is amazing, and he...
V-Spot: I’m Hesitant to Receive Touch
Content Warning: This column mentions childhood and adult sexual abuse and violence. Hey there! This is a question but also a need for some clarity and reassurance. I’m a 20-something bi female living in Portland, Oregon. I consider myself a sexual, curious, and...
The V-Spot: My BF’s Back Pain Killed Our Sex Life
Hi Yana! I’ve been with my partner for a year. He’s in his mid-30s and has some chronic back pain from a sports accident that happened a few years ago and he still takes pain meds for. Our sex life is nonexistent right now. We agree we both want more sex and that his...
V-Spot: I’m Feeld-ing Threesomes
Dear Yana, In my post-big-breakup dating life, I’ve decided to start using Feeld [a dating app that’s basically Tinder for couples and singles seeking to be matched for threesome arrangements]. I’ve always been open to the idea of a three-way both sexually and as a...
The V-Spot: How Do I Find Someone Who’s Got Their Shit Together?
Hi Yana, I’m no longer satisfied with the type of love I attract. After my most recent heartbreak, and having to face the thought of getting back on the online dating horse, I’m willing to admit that something isn’t working here, and it might be me....
Valley Advocate Podcast: The Lifestyle of a Sex Columnist
Yana Tallon-Hicks has been writing the Advocate’s sex and relationship column, The V-Spot, for seven years. It’s something she enjoys greatly, but she says it isn’t exactly the Carrie Bradshaw lifestyle some people seem to think it is. She is also a...
The V-Spot: My Lover and My Bestie Are Dating
Hi there! I’m an early 30s, cis, brown, queer non-monogamous woman. My question is about a situation I find myself in with a lover and my best friend. This best friend is my Bestie, my chosen family. The lover is my first male lover in over a decade. (I was with...
The V-Spot: Friends with Bad Benefits
Hi Yana, I have a conundrum! I recently started going on dates with a friend of a friend, and it wasn’t until our third date last week that I realized that, as much as I like them, I don’t think I’m sexually attracted to them. We’ve known each other for about a year...
The V-Spot: Oceans Apart
Hi Yana, We met when we were 15 years old on the other side of the world. We were instantly attracted to each other and even made out on the first night. Saw each other over the years randomly on vacations, weddings etc. Tried to stay in touch and hang on to something...
The V-Spot: My Coitus is Interruptus by Chronic Pain
Hello Yana, I’m a college student and I feel like I’m emotionally ready to seek out romantic and sexual relationships. The problem is, I feel like I have a lot stacked against me physically. I’m living with a pelvic floor disorder that requires me to do daily physical...
The V-Spot: Where’s My Bleepin’ Orgasm??
Dear Yana, I’ve been with my boyfriend for a couple years now. We’re just now starting to experiment in our sex life. I’ve known how to make myself vaginally orgasm for a few years now. And he knows what positions I need to do to make this happen. But it’s gotten to...
The V-Spot: We’ve Got Different Sex Drives
Hi Yana, My partner and I seem to be in different places when it comes to sex. We have fabulous sex when he’s up to it, but in general I have a higher sex drive and want to be more adventurous. We both have histories of trauma and deal with it in different ways. I’m...
The V-Spot: Changed and Confused
Hi Yana, I’m a queer non-binary femme. My partner (also queer and non-binary) and I have been together for just about three years. In the past year, I have been doing a lot of emotional work — processing lots of trauma, shame and doing a lot of digging and learning....
The V-Spot: I Get Ghosted After One Night
Hi Yana, I’ve had an above-average number of sexual partners (70+) and at least half have been one night stands. The pattern is: I start talking to someone on OKCupid, we arrange for a date, we have a few drinks, have sex. Sometimes, it’s more mutual, and neither of...
V-Spot: How Do We Weather the Storm?
Hi Yana, My boyfriend of three years and I are both going through a really tough time. My parents are divorcing, he’s applying to schools, and plus our relationship has been long distance for the past two years. We’re both depressed, and I’ve been asking him to go to...
V-Spot: How Do I Tell Dates I’m Heartless?
Dear Yana, I have a cold, dead heart. Well, not really but pretty much, yeah. I was married to my ex-wife for nearly a decade and the end of our relationship was really complicated. I feel almost certain that I don’t have the capacity to be in love or be in a...
The V-Spot: Help! I’m Too F*&%$ng Nice
Hi Yana, So, I was recently dumped. Woo! During “the conversation,” my now-ex told me a lot of confusing reasons as to why he thought we should break up, but the one that I can’t stop thinking about: “You’re too nice.” He said that he didn’t know how to be in a...E-Edition
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