The Dodge Report
Test4
how the hell you work this damn thing? I got glue all over my hands.wolfs in New Hampshire
Lot of talk about this new wolf reintroduction program in New Hampshire. Not sure I’m for it, really. Wolfs tend to eat sheep. I don’t have any sheep, but I know folks what do. Mainly, I’m thinking that wolfs can swim across the river into Vermont....that damn librarian
There is this one librarian with a pegleg who says I owe six dollars for a book I took out last year. Some book about building rockets or some such thing. I never took that book out. And this librarian tells me i can’t use the internets until i either pay the...that damn trevor banks wisconsin
see i got someone writing to me about them wolfs. a mister trevor banks wisconsin. Well here’s something for you, Mr. Wisonscin: we don’t call them cougars. We call them catamounts. And theres no such thing as that program, except for one guy from the...Supported by our members
Now, I don’t listen all that much to the radio. But I did happen to get into my truck the other day after Jake borrowed it, and he not only had left the wipers on but he also had it tuned full blast to that NPR station. Which I don’t mind so much, except...what i am willing to do
Noticed Virgil asked me a question the other day. I been getting wood in and nursing a bad gash i got when the chain came off my saw. Whipped around but good, caught me on the leg. Nothing that hasn’t happened before, so don’t get worried on my behalf....My Pipes Froze
Pipes froze last night. Went for Dody’s hair dryer this morning but it wasn’t where I left it. She don’t know where it is neither. But I slicked up those pipes with some Ben Gay I had from that time I hurt my back pulling Jake out of this hole he...Vote early and often
Me and Jake and Dodie went and got our absentee ballots yesterday. We always vote absentee because its easier to get extra ballots that way. I know its not supposed to be this way, but for a bottle of screech up at duty free, Mrs Mogan will throw a few more ballots...Halloween with Captain Slow
Well, it sure has been busy lately. First off, Jake got some extra ballots from mrs. mogan, and he done so in a way I just wouldnt of done, and I bet neighther would you. Which brings me to what happens when jackolanterns get all old and sunken, with mossy stuff...Anyone who laughs like that
So in the national election the democrats beat the other guys. I am surprised it took this long. All politics is kids playing at recess, is what i say. And all you got to do to know the president is a bit off kilter is to listen to him laugh. Anyone who laughs like...christmas should be like the olympics
Seen my first xmas decoration in a store window. here it is not even thanksgiving yet and frosty and santa and rudolf and the gang are invading us. soometimes i think this is what an invasion from canada wld look like. anyway, i have come to the conclusion that xmas...Suddenly Mexican Wrestlers Were Everywhere
Two nights ago I and jake found a camera in a plastic bag tied to a tree right next to where some campers were sleeping. It took a while, and I had to get Captain Slow’s help (which took even longer) but I finally figgered out how to put them where you can see...not what i thot wld happen to my bucket of dead mice
I had about 65 dead mice in this big yellow bucket i borrowed from jake. i had planned on freezing them to use for cie fishing but when i brot the bucket up from the cellar yesterday i got distracted by this awful whirring, grinding sound coming from over there at...That plan to dam up the Connecticut and flood VT, NH, and part of NY and Canada is just not a good idea
i know Massachusetts and Connecticut and NYC have to get their power from somewhere but I just can not go along with that plan to build a huge dam on the connecticut river. This dam they are talking abt for the CT river wld be almost as big as that 3 Gorgeous Dam over...there is a connection between sillicone breasts implants and neanderthal dna
Sez here that the Federal Detection Agency (FDA) is approving silicone for use in titty implants again. you probably remember how they stopped using siloone a few yrs ago and started using saline (which is doctor talk for salt water), and which was when women on TV...Whose blood are they using to make plasma TVs?
on Sunday I and jake figgered out how to tap into the cable line outside on that phone pole they put it on my land without asking permission or anything, and now we each got about 500 channels, which is the least we shld have for me having to have that pole on my...a thanksgiving story about a car that went into a river
Yesterday I and Dody were driving to the grange supper when we seen a blue car go through a puddle and then jump into the air and land in one of those streams on the side of the road that when it rains a lot turn into small brown rivers. It wasnt just us on the road...Does Iraq have a lot of Playstations?
Now that we got free cable and the big TV, I been catching up with the news. I saw that thing abt people rioting to get that video game what just came out. At first i thot it was more footage from iraq. i know that sounds like a bad joke but it is what i truly thot....Dody hit a beefalo in my truck
I cannot believe that as soon as i got my tires back from jake, who had borrowed them again, dody went and hit a beefalo. i always knew those beefalo wld prove to be a menace and i was right. this one just went right thru that fence Travis made. i have told him...Even the priest says the weather is fucked up
I was in the hardware store yesterday (that is another whole story) when i saw father ziggy (short for zigowski or zignatius or somethinglike that) and i asked him what he thot abt what it says here, that novembers average temperature was 7 degrees higher than normal,...Dody's dilemma: turducken or hamoonisen
Some of you already know that every year dody cooks something for the grange xmas supper. last year she made a turducken, which is a turkey stuffed with a duck that is stuffed with a chicken. it went over pretty good at the grange, although like me, everyone thot at...Are we talking abt the moon or abt another place?
Sez here that we’re gonna go to the moon. Well, how about that.Also sez here we’re gonna spend some dozen billion dollars a year to get there. Sez we’re gonna set up some bases there. Sez it’s a real inhospitable place, that moon, but...Been real busy with my caulk lately
I got a bunch of cracks in the house where the wind blows thru, and nothing fills up a crack like caulk. I figgered a 14 inch tube of white caulk wld do the job. i asked jake if he had 14 inches of white caulk, and he said he did but only the one tube and he needed it...There are bats in my underpants drawer
I thot i got rid of them but evidently not. i went to change my underpants and reached in there and heard something scratching and squeaking and sure enough, it was those same bats from the summer. i do not blame them for liking it in my underpants drawer because it...That kid in Indiana sure can drive fast
You might of seen this in the news:Sez here some teenager in Indiana got arrested for driving 140 mph. Sez he was in a hurry to get home before his curfew. Well, fair enough. So long as he has got a good reason.Now, the obvious bad news for the teenager is that he got...Changing the dates for when the seasons start is not the way to fix our climate
It has been awful warm lately, but i dont see the solution being to change when the seasons start, and i just dont support this idea thats been in the news lately to change the date when winter starts to "sometime in Februrary," like the head of the Weather...Chanukkah: my manure-ah and my shia pet
As i have mentioned before, I and jake once had a bb gun fight and he shot my eye out, which is how i got this one brown eye, which had been in the head of a rabbi before it was put into my head. ever since i got this eye, i have felt like i have a little jewish blood...Grape flavored Fanta Claus is coming to town
Some of you might know that who we all picture as Santa Claus is something conjured up by the Coca Cola company back in the 1930s. a fellow by the name of haddon sundblom drew Santa for coke and did such a bang up job of it that ol’ haddons Santa is pretty much...Xmas at the grange with jake's vegetable flavored pigmeat
Now that i have recovered from dody’s turducken, i am out of bed and onto my feet again, even tho i am sitting down to right this and am not actualy on my feet. The whole reason is b/c it seems it werent such a good idea after all to stuff a chicken in a duck...We got us a telescope, damnit!
You have probly been wondering what i did on New Years Eve, so I will tell you. Dody got me a telescope for xmas, and i and jake and dody and even captain slow spent the 31st looking at uranus. some of the things we wondered abt uranus are: does it have a ring around...WARNING! Fried bluejay with give you the jumps
Back 8 months or so ago i found Dodie a orange kitten which is now a cat named Gillette. usually cats dont make it much past the 6 month mark up here b/c of fishercats and coyotes and whatnot, which is why we name our cats after disposable razors. gillette replaces a...Those Polar Bears Should Go To Community College
There has been a lot of hullaballoo abt polar bears lately. I understand they are having a hard time up there in the arctic what with the melting icecaps and such, but do they have it any harder than folks in Detroit or Ohio or even at the Delco hairbrush factory that...These pictures were in a camera phone i found
Found one of those cell phone cameras in the backpack of a fellow come thru. was quite a few pictures on it, including a handful of some fellow going about his goings on in an apartment somewheres. the pictures dont look atall like the fellow whats backpack the...It aint a surge or escalation. It is an AUGMENTATION.
Sez here on the radio that condoleeza rice says the presidents plan isnt a surge or escalation. she says it is an "augmentation." Well, now things make sense. I had wondered why the president had mobilized 21,000 plastic surgeons.What with the power being out, I am reminded of Randy Bump's grease car and mine and jake's grease TV
Before this ice storm I had ran into Randy Bump in town last week and he was all this and all that abt his 1982 modified mercedes sedan that runs on french fry grease from those fastfood places out on the strip. says he gets abt 100 miles to the gallon running on...my new years resolution is for jake to stop putting my truck in that ditch he is so fond of
That is my resolution b/c I and Dodie have been w/o power since monday and we have spent the last 2 days running on that old french fry grease generator and moving all of Dodys hair dryers from room to room trying to keep the pipes above freezing. usually i can just...Folks in congress shld dress like those NASCAR fellows
Sez here the godless democrats are pushing a pot of ethics reforms. Now, i am not the canniest fellow in the cannery, but it is not like something like ethics reforms has to be hard, especially when nobody really needs their ethics reformed except politicans. Anyways,...I have a friend who thinks sheep #242 down the road is an exceptiaonally high quality sheep
My friend, he knows people always get the wrong idea when a man takes a shine to a sheep but its not like that. not at all. you wld know what my freiend means if you met this sheep. its like 242 isnt a sheep but is a dog or some friend come back to life. 242 is a...That beefalo Travis gave me stepped on my big toe and now the nail is all black.
I wld go to the doctor but there is no point b/c you cant do much for a toe that has been stomped on by a beefalo. i think instead i and jake will make plans to eat that beefalo or trade him for something that can be eaten.Here is a picture of the damage what that...The Ben Gay Showed Up and I and Jake caught some Lunker Pickerels (and lunker pikes too!)
I and jake finally got out on the ice at card pond this weekend. as i have earlier mentioned, i have been saving a bucket of dead mice for the occasion when card pond wld lock up w/ ice and what w/ the temps being 40 below zero, that occasion was this weekend. i had...I do not understand Organic Maple Syrup
I and Dody took the truck to town last nite to get some provisions and i noticed the store was selling "organic" maple syrup. Well, i just never heard of such a thing. or actually, i never heard of the opposite thing. whoever heard of maple syrup that is NOT...Honky Tonka Truck was playing last night at Sportsmens Lounge but Captain Slow did not want to go
Honky Tonka Truck is I and Dodys favorite music group and they played last night at Sportsmens Lounge so I and Dody and Jake piled into the truck and went down town for the 2nd day in a row. On the way we stopped by to see if Captain Slow wanted to come w/ but he is...That gopher in pennsylvania dint see his shadow
What with global warming, i spose that means it will be summer in 6 weeks.not that anyone cares but jake, but he says that big carp he likes to watch down by the river dint see his shadow neither. i dont know how he can tell such a thing as that, but he says what he...We set out to surprise captain slow but he sure surprised us instead!
I and Jake made the following plan to bring cpt slow back to his senses, since he has been being even slower than usual, if you can believe that, and we have been worried abt him, if you can believe that too. He has just been holed up in his iceshack on Card Pond, and...Results of yesterdays flagpole licking contest
It was a good contest and we had eight tongues on the pole, up from six last year. Jake had pole postion and was the heavy favorite but that is only b/c he is fat. Anyways, jake won, setting a new record in the process. We are going to call up the folks at the guinnes...It is snowing now but before it wasnt
It is snowing now but the other night way before it was snowing the weather fellow on the TV set forecasted it to snow abt 6 inches but it did not snow and the evening after it did not snow I and Dody was again watching tv and this weather fellow did not say anything...There is a mouse living in my mailbox
It has been real busy around here what with the ice fishing derby and the polar bear club dip so i have not got to the computer for a few days. that is the bad news, but the good news is that I won the derby and jake stayed in the water at the polar bear dip for abt...I do not intend to go to services at St. Mastercard Catholic Church
Drove by St Mastercard catholic church, which you might have read abt b/c it is gone bankrupt on account of there problems w/ boys seducing priests and vice versa and whatnot, back when it was called St. Olaf’s. They have sold the name of the place to Mastercard...The salt I been putting on the roof is making the birds sick
We run out of ben gay again so i had to go to the hardware today to buy one of those heated things you put on the edge of your roof to melt the ice that has got all built up there. It is like a heated chain you plug in and it melts the ice. i figgered i cld melt the...Jake is making a net to catch a plane
Every once and a while one of those lowflying fighter jets flies overhead just a few yards above the trees and it rattles the windows and scares the birds and makes the fish get all sullen and that beefalo we have yet to kill get all jumpy and Mr Slippy the goat gets...Dody left the back door open and a deer got in
It has happened before and i have told her to close that door. she says it blew open b/c i have not fixed the handle like i have said i wld do, and she has a good point there. but nonetheless i think she needs to be either more careful or more watchful b/c it is not...I And Dody and Jake Been On A Adventure But I and Dody and Jake Is Back
You are probly wondering where I have been for the last couple weeks, well I will tell you. I won a trip for 2 to Washington DC on the radio contest when I correctly identified Pago Pago as the capital of Samoa. I won a train ride and a hotel and a tour and dinner and...It is mud season and Bil Keane that fellow what draws Family Circus came by last night b/c his car got stuck in the mud
Had quite a surprise yesterday when Bil Keane came knocking on our door. His car got stuck in the mud down the road a spell, and as that fellow at the south pole almost said a hundred years ago, "What the mud gets, the mud keeps." We are in fullblown...Today I and Jake went downtown to get some rubbers
It was not easy, i tell you that. First we went to the mens clothing store and I said to the lady clerk there "Him and me need a some rubbers. I am bigger than him so I need a bigger size than him." and she got all redfaced and she said i was in the wrong...Jake has got Restless Leg Syndrome
Not that i am like mrs. macbeth or anything but i wash my hands every so often and when jake gets pigeye i do not get pigeye and now he has got Restless Leg Syndrome and I do not have Restless leg syndrome and neither does dody. He thinks he might of caught it from...Pimp my Beefalo
I am sure it was Georgie Femm’s twins what were hereabouts last nite and they did a number on that beefalo we have yet to slaughter. They sprayed gluespray all over my beefalo and covered it in glitter and if only that beefalo had some fight in it i do not think...A proposal that is modest
Sez here that these fellows in the justice dept and the white house wld rather not put therre hands on a bible and take an oath and put their words on paper and say whats what and whens when and whos who. fair enough. everyone is entitled to their opinion, even if...I glued my fingers together again but it was worth it.
It is the start of baseball season and i thot dody was looking when i tossed her my carl yaztremski autographed baseball but she was not b/c she was doing the dishes, which i shld have noticed but i did not, and that yaz baseball went clear thru the kitchen window and...I do not think it is a good idea to have riverboat gambling in the Connecticut River
I am not opposed to gambling and i have played a hand or two of poker and i have shook hands w/ the one armed bandit, and i am not talking abt Seth Lamboux, who had his arm bit off by a dolphin. Interesting story how that happend, by the way. Apparently the dolphin...E-Edition
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