The Dodge Report
Japanese beetles can eat what they want but I wish they wld stop w/ the sex parties.
They keep having threesomes on my beans. Why wld I want to eat beans after they have been mattresses for an ongoing japanese beetle orgy? It is around the clock beetle on beetle action & enough is enough. I am not saying this b/c I am jealous or anything, I am...I do not understand womens volleyball.
It is just women romping around in their underwear on the beach. Who wants to watch that? But I am not complaining, I am just saying. It is the same w/ mens diving & how they wear those shorts. What i wld like is I wld like to see those fellows have to catch...That fellow from Monty Python is just what John McCain needs
It is an inspired choice for Mac to pick Michael Palin. I did not know he was American! I also did not know he is a woman from Alaska. It just goes to show you what you can end up not knowing when you are busy doing other things, that is for sure!Anyhow, there is a...The thing is, I think Sarah Palin's uterus will be just as good a vice president as Dick Cheney's uterus.
That is why it is hard for me to decide. I am glad I will have several absentee ballots so if worst comes to worst I can vote for and against myself and cancel out my vote entirely.I have not wrote lately b/c sheep 242 stepped on my typing finger.
What happend was I dropped a cellphone camera i had found at the library which i was trying to use to take pictures of 242 but 242 is a big fellow now & while i wld not say he charged me, he did come right at me. He use to come running right up when I called him...The radio says a fellow named Neil Cashandcarry is in charge of rescuing banks.
You can tell a lot from a fellows name and I do not think I like the sounds of this fellow. I once knew a bank teller named Tryon Steel & you know what? That is right, he is in the pokey for doing just what his name told him to do. In a way you can not blame him...Boston has been playing a baseball team i did not even know existed.
After the 2000 election, I thot Florida had to give back its baseball teams. I remember thinking at the time, "That is fair. If they can not hold an election, they shld not be able to hold any baseball games either." And then Jake told me that they use to be...Been cold so I used the ben gay on the broccoli.
I am surprised i never thot of it before. We had a frost last nite but I coated all the garden plants w/ ben gay & they did just fine. It takes longer then covering them w/ a sheet but a sheet only keeps the frost off them it does not actually warm them up,...Been raining a lot so I used hair dryer on my lima beans.
I planted them kind of late & they are so close to being done I can just taste it. But it is raining & i do not want them to get too wet so I spent the afternoon w/ dody's hairdryer. They are just fine now.I just voted! Six times!
Jake voted 8 times so that is 14 more votes for you know who! Jake got the extra ballots b/c Mrs Mogan the town clerk likes him more than Nut Mogan who is her husband. Nut has spent a lot of time in the pokey & jake says b/c of that "the flames of ardor have...Michelle Obama sure did have a lot of blood on her dress.
I bet it was the blood of republicans. I am surprised she wld wear something w/ all that blood on it to such an important event. I have asked around & everyone i have ast has said they wld not wear so much blood. Even the republicans said that!Last nite I & dody & jake had a G8 Economy Summit. We called it that b/c we started the meeting by playing Battleship.
We do not any of us have investments or regular jobs or pay taxes or anything like that, but we are all getting worried abt how we will all weather the economy crisis just the same & that is why I called a meeting. Before we did tho we had round robin Battleship...Thanksgiving at the Grange was real quiet this year.
It is b/c people are scared is why. What w/ the weather getting cold, folks up here are worried what will come next. I will tell you what. A lot of folks burned there furniture last winter to keep warm when oil prices got real high. Nobody talks much abt that but if...We had a 2nd G8 Economy Summit on the wkend but B4 we started I8 some pumkin pie.
It was good pie & then we played bingo & then we made a list of ideas which I will now "introduce into the public record". That is Nut Mogan's expression. He got it from his wife who works at the town clerks office & also from the many...I & jake have got big plans for the snow making machine we found last nite.
The ski area must of forgot abt it, b/c it was just sitting there on the side of the mountain. It looks just like a cannon & we are going to make a whole mess of snow & start our own ski area & we will charge less money then the regular ski areas &...Making snow is real hard.
First you have to get a real long firehose, which we did not have & had to go get. Fortunately, they have extra ones that they carry around on firetrucks so we did that. Then you have to get the hose to fit w/ the snow gun which is not easy & ours kind of...That is the absolute last time I put Listerine tooth whitening strips on my eyes.
What happend was I & jake have been working round the clock to get the snowmaker working but it is just one thing after another. First the weather is too warm. Then it was real cold & I and Jake did not feel like working when it was so cold out. Then there...We found a chair lift! But then it turned out we did not need it.
Actually, it is not a chair lift it is a rope tow. We found it on this one part of the ski are that I bet hardly anyone goes to. They probably forgot it was there what w/ all the fancy new chair lifts they have. Anyway, we rigged it up just as Travis was coming home...We rang in the new year at the snowboard park we built in Travises field but then that one fellow busted his leg so we had to melt it all.
What happend was we made the park w/ the snowcannon we found & we been working real hard & got lots of people coming by & we were going great guns almost all the way thru xmas and new years, etc but then right at the stroke of midnite this one fellow...Cpt Slow & Oola have opened Drunken Donuts & I think they might really have something.
What it is is a donut shop that is also a bar, or else a bar that is also a donut shop. It is a good idea & I went down for the grand opening last nite & I had a lot of screech & abt a hundred donuts. B/c we are all friends I told them to put it on my...Oola named a donut after me!
Oola makes a wicked good donut, & I ast her if she cld crunch some corn nuts as fine as powdered sugar & mix them w/ cinnamin on a powder donut & she done that & she calls it The Frank Dodge Cornnut Donut, and you know what? That is right, it is...Cpt Slow says Drunken Donuts is a big success.
It took him abt a half hour to say it but last nite Cpt Slow told me he is real glad we had that G8 Economy Summit to figure out how we cld all make some money up here to whether the downturn in the economy b/c Drunken Donuts is going real good & he is glad we...Dody wants to know how I am paying for all the donuts & screech down at Drunken Donuts.
I told her I do not have to pay & she said "who says you do not have to pay, Frank?" & I said "I guess it is me who says I do not have to pay" & she said "why do you say that Frank?" & I said "Because it was me...Since the first act of the Obama administration is to make me pay my tab at Drunken Donuts, I wld like to take back all 6 of my votes.
It is all b/c of that Obama fellow & his cult of responsibility. What happend is I went down to Drunken Donuts b/c dody said I needed to make sure all the donuts what I been eating etc are in fact free, which they ARE, & I even told her that. But do you know...I found a plow but it does not matter b/c Drunken Donuts is no longer in business!
What happend was, there is actually a place called DUNKEN Donuts! And yesterday they showed up w/ briefcases & cease and desist orders & put Oola & Cpt Slow out of business & they also made them turn over all thier profits or else they said they...Oola says I still have to pay my tab.
It is not fair since Drunken Donuts is no longer in business, but I guess it is fair. I did eat a awful lot of donuts.I tell you what. So far we are 0-for-2 w/ the ideas we came up w/ at the G8 Economy Summit. What the problem is, is there are all these govt...Jake says he will tell me what his idea is real soon.
He says he is working hard on his idea which explains why he has been keeping to himself lately. I know it is abt astronauts so I bet he is inventing soething. I wonder if it is one of his inventions that never quite works. Like the time he retrofitted a haybaler so...Jake says his new idea is a doozy & he will need my help w/ it.
But he will not tell me what his idea is so I do not know how I will help. I hope it is not like when I & him buried all those arrowheads in Travises field & then called the museum of natural history down there at harvard & then all those archeologiests...Jake says he is almost ready to tell me his idea for how we will make money
He says his part is almost done & my part starts soon. I wonder what it is.I hope his idea is a better idea then when we strung that big net in the maple sugar bush to catch one of those low flying fighter jets that used to come flying overhead scaring all the...We got Dick Cheney's wheelchair!
We are all afraid to sit in it, but we got it!What happend is, Cpt Slow knows a fellow what knows a fellow what knows a fellow, and I had mentiond to cpt slow a couple days ago how that wheelchair wld be a good addition to our collection since we already got Ted...For Valentines Day I am selling tickets to sit in Dick Cheneys wheelchair.
So far we have not sold any tickets. But this cld be a real moneymaker! It was my idea too, so you can write this on yr sleeve: when we are swimming in cash it will be all b/c of me.What happend is first we got Dick Cheneys wheelchair but none of us wanted to sit in...This is a one in a lifetime chance, folks! Come sit in Dick Cheneys wheelchair for valentines day! Sit on yr sweethearts lap in Dick Cheneys wheelchair!
YOU WILL NEVER GET THIS CHANCE AGAIN!What I mean is, please come sit in his wheelchair. It only costs a dollar. I will be out in travises field at a cardtable all day so just come out & you can sit in the wheelchair for valentines day.I cannot believe nobody wanted to sit in Dick Cheneys wheelchair for Valentines Day.
Even tho I clearly wrote in my ad that it is Dick Cheneys Love Machine, nobody wld sit in it. Not even Georgie Femm's boys & they will sit in just abt anything. I even cut my price from a dollar a minute to 50 cent a minute, or 2 min for 1 dollar. And still...So much for Dick Cheneys Wheelchair
It is gone. I went out this morning to check on it, & it was not there. Ordinarily I wld think someone stoled it but I do not think that is the case. I think it sank into the quicksand.It is just as well I guess. We cld not make any money off it anyway.So it is...Why I have gone missing is b/c I have been picking up trash on the highway.
It is part of Cpt Slows community service for running an illegal saloon called Drunken Donuts. I wld not of helped him but if he had to pick up all that trash all by himself it wld of took him forever. It takes him abt 10 minutes to pick up one paper cup off the side...Jake told me what he is making & how I can help!
For some time jake has been sitting on his porch & then he goes inside for a while & then he comes back out and sits some more. He says he is making something but he has not told me what it is… until today!But it is still a secret so I cannot tell...TODAY I WILL ANNOUNCE JAKE'S PLAN TO WEATHER THIS ECONOMY DOWNTURN!
Actually, I am going to announce it tomorrow b/c Dody says it is my turn to bring in the wood, do the shopping, wash dishes, etc etc. I tell you what: it is ALWAYS my turn. All I do is work, work, work.Anyway, I will announce Jake's plan next time, I promise. I...I am too busy today to announce what I & Jake are doing
I know I said I wld announce it today but I want to make sure I announce it the right way & that takes time, so this is an annoucement that I will make an announcement real soon. Next time I will announce what I actually am announcing instead of announcing that I...OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT OF HOW I AND JAKE WILL WEATHER THIS ECONOMY DOWNTURN: WE ARE WRITING A ROMANCE NOVEL ABT ASTRONAUTS.
They are not sposed to fall in love when they are in space so it is a forbidden love that not only defies the law it defies gravity. Jake is a disgraced astronaut so he knows all abt it.You are probly wondering what my role in this is so I will tell you. jake ast me...This is the 1st chapter of jakes romance novel! Jake does not want me to put notes in it to explain things but I am going to do that anyway.
Jake is writing this romance novel to help weather the economy. I am helping him by typing it.CHAPTER ONE!Cage (that is jake backwards by the way), who was staggeringly handsome, stood on the launchpad looking at the rocket abt to get launched on the first Canadian...I am helping Jake write a romance/suspence novel to weather this economy by selling it for a million dollars. This is chapter two of “Cage & The CLASP”
When Cage (that is Jake spelled backwards by the way) looked at Simone w/ those other Canadian astronauts abt to go to Mars as part of the Canadian League of Aerospace Program, or CLASP, his heart went boom like a big drum. She had eyes & legs & arms &...Chapter 3 of the romance-suspense book jake is writing to weather the rocky waves of the economy: “Cage & CLASP: Cage is a stowaway on Canada's top secret rocket to Mars”
We plan on selling this book for a million dollars tho we will take less if we have to. I am probly more important then jake in this venture b/c I am doing alll the typing.CHAPTER THREE: Cage gets on the rocket shipAfter he karate chopped the security guard Cage dove...Chapter 4 of the book I & jake is writing: “Cage & CLASP: Simone hides Cage & they have the first of many romantic encounters b/c this is a romance-suspense book so here comes the romance!”
We have not got any offers from publishers yet but that is probly b/c they have been busy filing there taxes. We planned it that way of course & that is why I did not type anything up in the last few days & instead cut wood & started to get the garden...Chapter Five of CAGE AND CLASP!!! the romance/suspense novel I & jake is writing to help weather these rocky waves of the economy.
Cage (that is Jake backwards by the way) was getting real nervous where he was hiding under the floorboards of the rocketship. Simone said she wld come get him but it had been a long time… too long! And it was real quiet… too quiet!Then he heard a scraping...E-Edition
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