The V-Spot
The Best Things in Life Give You Orgasms
The giving season is upon us. And we generous sex partners love to give. The thrifty side of me thinks the best sex-related gifts are porns or books about something you want to try with your sweetie (think Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Threesomes or The...Bon(e) Appetit!
Ah, the blow job. Somewhere on the road to sex-god(ess), between reading the Kama Sutra and installing the sex swing, the once terrifying adolescent sexual initiation rite sadly becomes a mere pit stop between a faltering erection and penetrative sex. Big mistake. You...What to Sexpect When You're Expecting
Babies seem determined to destroy the very thing that created them: your sex life. Yes, they’re awfully adorable. But don’t let the googoos and gagas fool you—even the baby talk itself can and will be used against you. Luckily, with a...Va-Va-Vanilla
I used to be one of those serial friend-fuckers. I was that girl—the universal sexual link who didn’t seem to know the meaning of “platonic.” Whether the people in my close circle of friends turned into long-term partners, one-night stands or...Cunnilinguistics 101
After the column covering blow-job basics (“Bon(e) Appetit,” December 30, 2010), readers have been chomping at the cunnilingus bit. This makes me both smile and cringe. Smile because nothing’s better than an eager muff-diver and cringe because...Strap-Happy
The perfect harness to your favorite dildo is like sunshine to your picnic, chocolate chips to your cookie, gel-based lube to your… you get the idea. Time to learn the ropes (well, straps) of harness buying. Do you only knock the vegan boots or would you rather...Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad Vibrator?
Once upon a time, in a big bed far away, there was a princess who wanted to use a sex toy with her partner. But when she broached the subject, all her partners feared that they would be replaced by a sex toy! The first little partner said, “If you want me to...Open for Business
With my sketchy “open relationship” track record, you’d be foolish to take non-monogamous advice from me. In theory, I get it. But in practice… So instead of my advice, I’ll give you a bit of an open relationship book report on Tristan...Climb Your Way to the Top
“Drop those pants.” “Roll over.” “Bottoms up!” You Tops think you’re soooo special with your cocky attitudes, sexual demands and complicated rope knots. Well, let me tell you, dears, Topping is about more than just getting...Hey!
For those sneaking peeks at the Advocate’s back section who maybe shouldn’t be: It may be hard to believe but I, too was born a virgin. Though it’s an amusing thought, I didn’t waddle around as a toddler handcuffing my stuffed animals and...Sex and the Springtime Star-Gazer
Many of you Valley Advocate readers turn to this back section under the pretense that you’re brushing up on your weekly horoscope. Though I enjoy reading Rob Brezsny as much as the next wandering soul, you have to admit, it’s also a good excuse to peek at...Need a Hand?
The hand job is like blow job’s annoying cousin you have to hang out with sometimes. It doesn’t have any real fans. You won’t see many HJs in pornos whispering the phrase, “Hey, baby—how about a nice hand job for your birthday?” Why...Strapping Young Lads!
At the sex toy store I worked at, it wasn’t uncommon for men to walk in, look around at the vibrators, harnesses and dildos and ask, “What’s in this for me and my penis? How do we get off around here?” The obvious answers are masturbation...Straight to Lesbianland
You’re feeling a little curious. You’ve been casually asking questions, maybe doing a little Internet research. You’ve probably come across answers like “Only when I’m drunk” and “Only around my boyfriend” and a little...Distance Makes The Hot Grow Fonder
Three short months after meeting my wife-to-be in San Francisco, I was forced, kicking and screaming, back to the East Coast where I had started, and needed to finish, my undergrad degree. Four months and 3,000 miles apart on a college student’s budget is a...Summer Sextrology
Let’s state the obvious first. Yes, Cancer’s (June 22nd — July 22nd) astrological symbol looks a lot like a popular little sexualized numeral called 69. Though this does make for an unfortunate tattoo, it doesn’t say much about Cancer’s...SWF Feminist Seeks Same
Hi, Yana! Thank you so much for writing this wonderful article (V-Spot, “Feminist Porn,” May 5, 2011). I am an educated heterosexual feminist woman in my mid-20s and am so sick of subjecting myself to the porn I find on the Internet, which constantly...Dildo Does Not Take a Vacation
The many fans of past column “Dildo Takes a Vacation,” April 21, 2011 (which chronicled my short-lived quest to bring my dildo to South America), know that I’m no stranger to packing it in abroad. Earlier this summer, embarking on a shorter quest to...Riding the Crimson Wave
Great sex is peppered with a lot of punctuation—slow, seductive “dot, dot, dots,” hyphens for sexual meldings like “girl-on-girl” or “penis-to-booty” and, hopefully, lots of exclamation points!!! But the punctuation mark many...The Breakup Break Down
I’m the breakupper who likes to disguise the demise of my relationships as something else. I like to call my breakups “breaks” or an “attempted open relationship,” or blame them on an early “mid-mid-life crisis” and then feign...The Lies Porn Tells Us
Nobody likes a liar. This is probably why many people hate porn—though rare, truthful porn does exist. As I’ve said before in a past column (“Feminist Porn,” May 5, 2011), there is good, positive porn to be had. You just have to know how to...How To Trim Your Hedge
Pubic hair is like wrapping paper. Originally, it was designed to keep you warm, prevent dirt from falling into your sensitive bits, and trap and share mate-attracting pheromone scents. Most important, it served as an organic neon sign, letting potential mates know...Putting the Spectacular Back in Speculum
The cold speculum, the stirrups, the swabbing—we can all think of better things to spread our legs for than a pelvic exam. But if you actually love your vagina, you’ll get them regularly to detect and prevent cervical cancer, infections, STDs and other...The Age of Aquarisex
We’ve all taken showers when we intend to get more dirty than clean. Clothing is peeled off and dropped like a kinky Hansel and Gretel trail to what appears to be a steamy, sexy gingerbread house of waterborne sex. You flirtatiously stick a soapy finger out of...The Jelly Green Giant
“Get this blondie off my jacket—we’re leaving.” My friend Alex looks at me quizzically. My eyebrows pop up schoolmarm-style as if to say, “Are you an idiot? Obey me!” If I were a schoolmarm, I’d have a yardstick so I could...Let's Get Physical, Physical
The latest women’s fitness craze doesn’t involve a liquid diet or counting calories and isn’t endorsed by Kim Kardashian. It doesn’t come in a bottle or a portion-controlled box, but it definitely comes. Well, at least you do. The organic...The Immaculate Female Ejaculate
I can tell you a lot about semen. An hour of research and I can tell you how to create a summery cumcoction (“I Bet Lance Armstrong Makes a Great Cocktail,” May 12, 2011) or how to increase the volume of your little soldier’s final gunshot...College Disorientation
As I write this, Hampshire hipsters are making “awesome connections” over a mutual appreciation of analog photography, Smith girls are wavering on their sexual orientations and Amherst preppies, like a slightly grown-up cast of Gossip Girl, are always in...Orgasmic Organics
It was over a year ago that I wrote one of the first V-Spot columns about how much K-Y personal lubricant sucked. This continues to be true, even if they did debut a commercial last month featuring a rather boring lesbian couple talking about how much they heart K-Y...Treats for Tricks
As the great pre-rehab, pre-celesbian Lindsay Lohan once recited in my favorite guilty pleasure movie: “Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” If you happened to be lucky...The Triumphant Return of Westie Wonder
W.W. W. here. Remember me? Well, I have another question for you. It involves the same guy, same hands. Obviously, I enjoy sex, probably more than most women my age. My partner is great in all respects. I do have one question, though. When we are having sex, and...Hitachi Me Baby, One More Time
Screw Sex and The City and their Rabbit Habit vibrator. The Hitachi Magic Wand would kick that little bunny’s ass in the vibrator wrestling ring (hitachi-magic-wand.com). The Hitachi is the secretly world famous heavyweight champ of buzzing sex toys, earning its...Autumn Sextrology
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Libra in the baby carriage. It’s no surprise that this easy-going autumnal sign likes to follow tradition. Libra (Sept. 23rd—Oct. 23rd) is a homebody devoted to creating the perfect domestic atmosphere for...Gettin' Freaky Geeky
Get your gamer off the couch and into the sack with LELO’s new SenseMotion remote-controlled line of technologically titillating toys. Always fancy-shmancy and rechargeable, the ever-popular Swedish designers of LELO have really shaken things up this time by...Orgy Etiquette, Part 1: Attending
I’ve never participated in an orgy—unless you count that time at boarding school, which is a story to be told in a newspaper not religiously read by my parents, who paid big bucks for said education (thanks, Mom and Dad!). Being an orgy virgin, I was keen...Orgy Etiquette Part 2: Hosting
There are two ways to host an orgy. One is to prime the scene for the “oopsie orgy,” an “unplanned,” tipsy night with a handful of curious friends who all happen to trip and fall into your bed after a series of suggestive suggestions…...Figgy Pudding: We Won't Go Until We Get Some
Yes, men are the hardest people to buy holiday presents for. A guy can only get so many shaving kits. This holiday season, get him something smoother than a Mach3 and hotter than a cup of cocoa. Get him hornier than a red-nosed reindeer, make him want you a Latke and...Joy to the World!
Giving a lady a sexy gift is almost as much about what you don’t get her as what you do. We’ve all had those moments when we thought a slinky piece of lingerie would be a good gift for us both, but then it was too big or, maybe even worse, too small. Too...Ain't Too Proud to Peg
My natural-born frenemy Dan Savage popularized the term “pegging” after it was voted the winning entry in a contest he ran in 2001, when he and his loyal readers realized that there was no common word for a woman strapping it on and penetrating her man...Lost in Trans-elation
Until Shiloh Jolie-Pitt grows up to be a hunky transguy (fingers crossed) or Glee welcomes a new trans cast member who represents as well as Naya Rivera’s lesbian hotness (yes, please!), we’ve got few icons bringing transmale-sexy back. Though Chaz...Eat My (Birthday) Cake
Capricorns (December 22–January 19) are hard-working, goal-oriented and natural-born leaders who, with a dash of stubborn arrogance, have perfected the recipe for hard-earned success. This makes Cappy a loyal provider in lifelong partnerships, as cheating simply...Digital, Digital Get Down
As their virginal white megastores suggest, Apple doesn’t condone “overtly sexual content” in its 500,000+ iPhone Apps. However, searching for the term “sex” reveals plenty of tired Cosmo-inspired position guides and boobie pictorials in...The Skinny on Loving Big
Fat people have sex. But if you look around an adult store, even progressive sex-positive ones like Northampton’s Oh My, you’ll be hard pressed to find the evidence on vibrator boxes, porn covers and book jackets. Like trying to have raucous sex in a...Why Your Sex Drive Needs a Jack
Whether your libido is a convenient Mini Cooper, a sexy Lexus or a trusty, reliable Ford pickup, you’re bound to get a flat eventually. But in order to keep yourself out of permanent park, it’s important to understand what deflates our sex drives. Stress....Mad Scientists Hate Your G-Spot
On January 19th, HuffingtonPost.com published an article titled “G-Spot Does Not Exist ‘Without a Doubt,’ Say Researchers” in which Dr. Amichai Kilchevsky told me that my G-Spot isn’t real—clearly, an idiotic thing to say....The Sexential Reading List
Before you blow another $4 on Cosmo’s “best-kept, mind-blowing, sex secrets!” (aka reprinted, boring sex cliches), consider turning some pages that, though not glossy nor graced by Kate Hudson’s smiling blondeness, will actually soak the...Packing, Cleaning and a Sex Party
Today I’m doing two things: packing to move and prepping for my very first sex party. “Packing to move!” you might say. Don’t worry, you loyal little pervs, sex nerds and casual exhibitionists. I’m not leaving you! To the minority of...Enjoy Your Porn!
“You write a sex column. So that means I can ask you anything,” says my friend Cam over coffee. “Yeah—I guess that’s true,” I laugh. “So why do I like watching penis porn?” she spits out. “You mean like...Sweet Spring Fancies
I’m a classic romantic. I’m simply brought to my knees with the promise of a mouthful of… chocolate and a fistful of pussy… willows. I’m just soaking wet… with happy tears, of course… if someone comes at me with a big,...Come Again?
Orgasms. Why have one when you could have many? Am I right? Obviously I am. Though a phrase like “multiple orgasms” may imply a focus on quantity and not quality, don’t race to the first finish line in the orgasmic marathon you hope to compete in....I Got It From My Mama
I don’t pickle things at home. I don’t shower, shave and brush my teeth all with the same bottle of Dr. Brauners that I picked up from Cornucopia. I do love the farmer’s market and admire the Pedal People’s devotion as they carry our...Dear V-Spot: I'm Flirting With Squirting
Dear V-Spot— I’m a big fan of your column and have learned many good things to make sex not only better for my girlfriend but for me also! I have a question about squirting. I’m a very selfless lover. I’d rather please my girlfriend than be...Kristen Stewart is a Trampire
What does a sex writer read about when she’s not jack— I mean, doing research for columns? Gossip rags, natch So, when I first read that crazed KStew/RPatz fans are buying up “Kristen Stewart is a Trampire” T-shirts in response to the cheating...Don't Be OKStupid
I recently responded to a Craigslist ad seeking administrative help in a home office. You can already see where this is headed, I’m sure. I’m considered a bit of a pro at sexual innuendo myself, and I’m rarely duped. Call me old-fashioned, but when I...Bottoms Up!
Being a good bottom is like having someone very important over for dinner. You want to cook them whatever they like. Everything must be perfect, not just to please them, but to please you, too. Being a good bottom isn’t just about lazily “taking it.”...The Hole Enchilada
Whether you’re going through a sexual drought or just appreciate some quality bonding time for you and your penis, you may be shopping for a male masturbation sleeve. Before you get your boxer-briefs in a bunch, let me assure you that we’ve already been...Get Into Your Birthday Suit
Happy 2nd Birthday to the V-Spot! Thanks to a tiny pink laptop, a couple of dildo-slinging jobs, and of course, you wonderful, sexually curious readers, we’ve made it through 104 weekly columns together. Thank you, readers! You came, you conquered, you came...Goodbye, Condoms
A new contraceptive for men? That prevents pregnancy after 15 minutes and lasts for 10 years? That’ll not only kill your baby-making potential but also HIV? Sounds too good to be true! Because—well, it may be. RISUG (Reversible Inhibition of Sperm Under...Help A Ram Reach His Orgasmic Peak
R eader Ram writes the V-Spot: Hi. I don’t write in to anywhere but you seemed to be trying to solicit responses, so here you go. I’ve been picking [the Valley Advocate] up for a while just to do the crossword in it. However, I read your article once and...E-Edition
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