The V-Spot
From the V-Spot Vault: The Love is There, But the Sex Isn’t
Editor’s note: this article originally ran June 10, 2019. Hi Yana, Over the course of the last couple months my partner’s sex drive has slowly fallen off, and is now creating tension in our relationship. We’ve been together for nine months, and...
The V-Spot with Yana Tallon-Hicks: What actually makes for good sex
After over a decade of doing this work, I firmly believe that everybody who is interested in having sex wants to be good at it. Or, at the very least, they want to have sex that is good rather than sex that is not. Meaning, we are motivated to experience good...The V-Spot with Yana Tallon-Hicks: I’m Threatened By My Girlfriend’s Masturbation Habits
Hey Yana, I’ve been in a serious relationship for almost two years now and am only now feeling strong flare-ups of intense insecurity around sex. My partner and I have been having sex every day at least once a day, if not two or three, consistently for the...
The V-Spot with Yana Tallon-Hicks: Am I Polysaturated or Polyinfatuated?
Dear Yana, As a polyamorous person who’s having much more success building new connections these days, I worry sometimes that I am dating from a feeling of not enoughness-ness, in a way that keeps me too focused on the new and the possible, and not enough with the...
The V-Spot: Help a New Top Hit Their Kinky Stride
Dear Yana, I’m a former power bottom now freshly-turned Dom in a new dynamic. I’ve been finding that when my sub and I are apart, I’ve got a lot of great ideas of new things to do with her. Though I always vow to myself to try out those things when I’m with her next,...The V-Spot with Yana Tallon-Hicks: How do I prepare for first-time sex?
By Yana Tallon-Hicks I recently began a new relationship and am something of a late bloomer (I’m in my mid-20s), so I have very little actual experience when it comes to physical intimacy with a partner. My boyfriend and I have discussed it a bit, and he’s very...The V-Spot with Yana Tallon-Hicks: How do I tell my girlfriend that I’m bisexual?
Hello Yana! I’m curious about my sexuality. I have, for the majority of my life, thought I was a heterosexual male. But at times I have thought maybe I am bisexual. I’m aware that sexuality is a spectrum. I just don’t know where I land on that spectrum. I have a...
The V-Spot: What do I do with this dick pic?
Dear Yana, I’ve been texting with this guy during quarantine and it’s been very fun and hot. I boss him around and give him writing assignments in exchange for photos of myself which he is suitably grateful for. However, recently he sent me an unsolicited dick pic....
The V-Spot: How Do I Successfully Quarantine with My S.O.?
Hi Yana! It’s been a month of quarantine, and my boyfriend’s and my different feelings about it are really starting to show. He’s taking more of a wait-this-out approach by sleeping a lot, playing video games, not keeping much of a schedule, etc. I’m working really...
The V-Spot: Can I Ask for More Sex Without Being a Creep?
Hi Yana, I have a high sex drive and my partner has a low sex drive. How do I navigate this? My sex life has been leaving me disappointed for a while now but I’m afraid of putting pressure on my partner. If I ask for sex I feel like I’m coercing them into it and it...
The V-Spot: Five Months of Sexual Unfulfillment
Dear Yana, I’ve been in a relationship for the last five months. Our relationship is hard for me to describe — it isn’t full of issues nor passion. I’m used to being in relationships that are explosive and demanding, volatile. This relationship I would...
The V-Spot: Polyamorous During a Pandemic
Hi Yana, I’m writing to see if you have any advice for the polyamorous community during the COVID-19 outbreak. While there aren’t many cases in Hampshire County [as of writing this question on March 20], my partner and I have decided to work from home and...
V-Spot: Kinky and Platonic?
Hi Yana, Middle-aged straight guy here. I’m in a committed, monogamous relationship with a partner who I love very much. We have a great and satisfying physical sex life though naturally there are dry spells, particularly during the winter-time. I love my partner very...
V-Spot: The non-monogamous rumor mill and me
Hi Yana, After 16 years of monogamy, my wife and I decided to try polyamory a few years ago. It’s going well and we’ve grown a lot. Our marriage is truly stronger than ever. We’ve learned a lot about ourselves, about relationships and, major bonus, the sex within our...
V-Spot: Has My Date Been Canceled?
Writer’s note: I’ve added completely random and fake names into this column for reading clarity! Hi Yana, I ran into Sam who is a friend of mine that I have been distancing myself from because I think they’re mean and selfish. Sam invited me out and I said “Oh, I have...
The V-Spot: Can My Clit Learn to Trust Again?
Dear Yana, I recently got out of a seven-year relationship and a five-year heterosexual marriage. Initially, we had a very regular and healthy sexual relationship but over time it disintegrated to an essentially sexless relationship. He had an affair and we divorced....
The V-Spot: How to break the habit of not having sex
Hi Yana, My partner and I get into the habit of not having sex. We have a bunch of kids, full-time jobs, and all of that. It causes emotional tension to build and then we use that as an excuse to not sexually connect. We fall into a very platonic state. However, I’m...
The V-Spot: We’re BOTH Healing From Trauma
Writer’s note: In this week’s column, we talk about childhood sexual abuse. Hi Yana, I’m a childhood sexual abuse survivor and I worked really hard to put my mental and emotional well-being back in order. I met my husband during the initial stages of my healing and he...
The V-Spot: Can I open up my relationship to date my ex?
Hi Yana, I’m currently one year and six months deep into a heterosexual relationship with my boyfriend. I’ve long regretted not asking for an open relationship from the beginning. I’m bisexual and I’ve always been in monogamous relationships. For the past two to three...
V-Spot: My long-distance partner doesn’t want video chat sex
Hi Yana, My partner and I are temporarily in a long-distance relationship and he’s expressed discomfort with video chat sex. It sounds like it’s mostly based in discomfort with being naked and vulnerable in front of a camera, feeling unsure about how to make...
V-Spot: Not The Sex Life I Want
Hi Yana, I didn’t think this was a real problem or, that it was just me. I didn’t think about it until I got into an argument with my husband, when he said “Why don’t you have sex the way when you’re drunk, when you’re sober?!” I really never thought about it till...
The V-Spot: How do I have a good threesome?
Hey Yana, It’s looking like a threesome is on the (close) horizon for me and my partner. I feel extremely secure in the relationship. I absolutely trust him and he’s been nothing but supportive of me and my feelings when the subject of threesomes has come up in the...
V Spot: How Long Do I Stay in My Marriage?
Yana, I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that I don’t want to be in my marriage anymore. One reason is that I’m going through a period of intense awakening — I’m connecting more deeply to my emotions and my body while also healing from childhood trauma. Part of...
V-Spot: Is He Cheating By Watching Porn?
Note: In this column, we talk about gender-exotifying porn. Hi There, I have a major problem and don’t know how to proceed here. I’ve been married for 15 years and the last 10 have been sexless. To be clear, I’m the woman and he’s the man who chooses not to have sex....
V-Spot: How do I stop avoiding my partners’ partners?
Hi Yana! I’ve been practicing polyamory for three years. Right now I have two serious partners. Both of them have sex with other people occasionally, but not with any regularity. My jealousy isn’t nonexistent, but it’s manageable. My big problem is that once my...
The V-Spot: How To Kiss With Consent
Hi Yana, Often when speaking of sexual comfort and consent, people focus on the stages of intimacy that involve contact with the areas of our bodies we normally keep clothed. Kissing and intimate touch are viewed more often as foreplay and I seldom encounter guides to...
V-Spot: I’m Tiptoeing Around His Erectile Dysfunction
Dear Yana, I’ve been dating my current partner for almost two years now and our relationship has been great with the exception of our dwindling to now nonexistent sex life. It was amazing for the first six months until he starting having some health problems. His sex...
V-Spot: I Can’t Stop Masturbating to My Toxic Ex
Hello, I’m nervous to write in and feel like I’m the only person who has this problem: I’ve been on-and-off dating someone for about three years. We fight nonstop and basically it’s just not a good relationship for either of us. Recently, I’ve been trying to move on...
V-Spot: I Can Only Climax from Masturbation!
Hi Yana, I’m a cis-woman in college and I’m in a new relationship with a girl I really like! We have sex a lot and it’s wonderful but there’s one big problem: she can’t make me come. We have tried everything we could think of, but it always ends up as me taking over...
V-Spot: Is Thickness Good?
Writer’s note: This is a two-part question that I got via my Instagram DMs! Editor’s note: As reported by our friends at urbandictionary.com, mtc often translates to “massive throbbing cock.” Part #1 — 1:46 p.m.: So, my case is strange. I’m wondering if sex therapy is...
The V-Spot: Am I Only Bisexual When I’m Drunk?
Good Morning, I’m a straight 30-year-old man with six kids. My wife and I only drink when my mother-in-law is watching the kids for the night. However there’s something we noticed when we’re drunk. I absolutely love everything about sex — it’s almost a passion of...
The V-Spot: How To Have an Erectionless Sex Life
Hi Yana, I’m a 32-year-old straight cis man and I was recently involved in a nasty bike accident resulting in injury and permanent erectile dysfunction. I can no longer get or maintain an erection even with the aid of injections, Viagra, pumps, etc. I enjoy giving...
The V-Spot: Keeping The Oven Hot When There’s a Bun In it
Hi Yana, Do you have any advice for still having awesome sex while pregnant? I’m currently in my sixth month of my pregnancy so I’m not carrying super huge yet but I know that could change so I’d like to be prepared. —Sexy at Six Months Dear Sexy at Six Months, Around...
V-Spot: Working on your strap-on skills
Hi Yana! Long time listener, first time caller! I’ve been following your advice column and Instagram (@the_vspot) for a looooong time and I super appreciate everything you write about regarding communication, mindfulness, exploration, and everything in-between —...
V-Spot: He’s Having an Affair With Me
Dear Yana, I had an affair and I feel like the worst person ever and I don’t know what to do. The guy is married with kids and says he’s basically living as roommates with his wife. I think she’s catching on and I want to end it because I feel like the worst person in...
V-Spot: I’ve Got Prozac Problems
Hi Yana, I’ve been on Prozac since I was 15 (I’m 22 now), and never really realized how much it fucks with your sex drive until recently. My boyfriend and I had a lot of sex during the honeymoon phase of our relationship (who doesn’t?), but now it’s been 18 months and...
V-Spot: Are Condoms Even Good?
Hi Yana! So, my partner and I have started dabbling in threesomes and it looks like it may become sort of a trend. Specifically, we’re looking at having threesomes with cis dudes, and I just need a little assurance that condoms are a good form of contraception. I...
V Spot: How Do I Talk To My Partner Directly?
Dear Yana, I’ve noticed that quite often in your column you point people in the direction of clear, direct communication in relationships; establishing boundaries, asking for what you need, and so on, which is great advice that always feels so simple and elegant when...
V-Spot: Actually, I will answer this fake question
Dear Yana, My attachment style is avoidant Scorpio but my partner is a totally secure Gemini. He says anal sex will fix all of my avoidance problems, but I think we should just bring in a third and be polyamorous instead. What do you think we should do? Sincerely,...
V-Spot: How Do I Raise a Sex-Positive Kid?
Hi Yana! My partner and I are people who were raised in households where sex was not discussed; indeed, in my house all questions and curiosity about sex were avoided and suppressed. As such, as adults and now parents of a young child, I feel we need support and tools...
The V-Spot: Yana’s short-and-sweet anal education
Hi Yana, My husband just started letting me put a finger up his anus for stimulation and he’s loving it. Now, how do I make sure I’m pleasuring him in the best way possible? —Derriere Digiter Dear Digiter, My two main pieces of advice for making sure your partner is...
The V-Spot: Get Off the Metaphorical Tit
Hi Yana, My fiancé is sick and was just like “I’m gonna call my mom for soup” and he (LOL) has done shit like this since we moved out on our own. Like, I’m here – ready, willing, and able to take care of you. Get off the tit. I feel like I’m crazy, but at the same...
Best of V-Spot: Too Many Orgasms, Too Many Leg Cramps
Editor’s note: Sex and relationship advice columnist Yana Tallon-Hicks is currently on maternity leave. While she’s gone, we’re reprinting some of her best columns of the past several years, and are looking forward to her return in September. This article was...
Best of V-Spot: Should I Date Someone I’m Not Attracted To?
Editor’s note: Sex and relationship advice columnist Yana Tallon-Hicks is currently on maternity leave. While she’s gone, we’re reprinting some of her best columns of the past several years, and are looking forward to her return in September. This column was...
Best of V-Spot: Prostate Power — The Not So Dirty Truth
Editor’s note: Sex and relationship advice columnist Yana Tallon-Hicks is currently on maternity leave. While she’s gone, we’re reprinting some of her best columns of the past several years, and are looking forward to her return in September. This column was...
Best of V-Spot: Pee or ‘squirt’? Understanding vaginal ejaculation
Editor’s note: Sex and relationship advice columnist Yana Tallon-Hicks is currently on maternity leave. While she’s gone, we’re reprinting some of her best columns of the past several years, and are looking forward to her return in September. Hi Yana, I started...
Best of the V-Spot: My Boyfriend Might Be Gay. Should I Care?
Originally published February 20, 2017 Hi Yana, I recently began “dating” my best guy friend over this winter break. He’s told me that he was raised by a super religious mom and that when he was younger he “rebelled,” and experimented with other men, which he blamed...
Best of V-Spot: Help! My boyfriend hates my vagina
Editor’s note: Sex and relationship advice columnist Yana Tallon-Hicks is currently on maternity leave. While she’s gone, we’re reprinting some of her best columns of the past several years, and are looking forward to her return in September. This column was...
Best of the V-Spot: Dry humping better than sex
Editor’s note: Sex and relationship advice columnist Yana Tallon-Hicks is currently on maternity leave. While she’s gone, we’re reprinting some of her best columns of the past several years, and are looking forward to her return in September. This column was...
Best of V-Spot: Why Can’t I Have Sex Without Drinking?
Originally published June 14, 2016 Note: Sexual trauma is addressed in this week’s column. Editor’s note: Sex and relationship advice columnist Yana Tallon-Hicks is currently on maternity leave. While she’s gone, we’re reprinting some of her best columns of the past...
Best of the V-Spot: 15 Reasons to Masturbate Right Now
Editor’s note: Sex and relationship advice columnist Yana Tallon-Hicks is currently on maternity leave. While she’s gone, we’re reprinting some of her best columns of the past several years, and are looking forward to her return in September. In the mean time,...
V-Spot: How Do I Get Over My Unhealthy Ex?
Content note: This column talks about nonconsensual relationship dynamics. Hi Yana! I’m a pansexual woman currently in college. I had a really bad relationship for about three months, and I ended it about nine months ago. I struggle with depression, anxiety, and PTSD,...
The V-Spot: We’ve Got Different Love Languages
Hi Yana! My partner and I have been together for three years. In general we have a really great relationship with solid long-term goals in common and enjoy each other in many ways. However, it seems like occasionally we go through long stretches of poor communication,...
V-Spot: The Love is There But the Sex Isn’t
Hi Yana, Over the course of the last couple months my partner’s sex drive has slowly fallen off, and is now creating tension in our relationship. We’ve been together for nine months, and true to form, the beginning was full of passion, romance, and sexual exploration....
V-Spot: How Do I Have Group Sex, Properly?
Hello! You’ve probably heard this question before, but how do you approach the topic of group sex with people who you think might be down? I have had a few scenarios happen organically, and been approached myself, but I’m scared of seeming like a creep (for example, a...
V-Spot: Am I Failing At Polyamory?
Dear Yana, My past two relationships have both been non-monogamous. In both, I felt open (even excited) to communicate about my other hookups and sweeties with my more settled partners. I always made clear with my settled partners my need for transparency in regards...
V-Spot: How Can I Let My Partner Touch Me?
Yana, I’m a trans male and my partner is non-binary. While I identify as asexual, I love pleasuring my partner so much! But I don’t let them touch me. I want to but I’m so self conscious about not having “male anatomy” (gender/sex am I right?) that them touching me...
V-Spot: We’re Stuck at a P-in-V Impasse
Yana, My partner of a year and I live together and emotionally I’m so content! However, our intimacy has hit a wall. For a while, we enjoyed our pleasure-based fun and our communication was on point! I didn’t think much about the fact that he didn’t seem interested in...
V-Spot: Has Sobriety Killed My Sex Drive?
Content note: This column talks about substance use, sobriety, and sexual abuse. Hi there! I’m in a pickle about my sexual experience and identity. I’m curious what you know about the ways sex drive and desire may change for people in recovery and/or for people who...E-Edition
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