Archive
by Frank Dodge | Dec 6, 2006 | The Dodge Report
Some of you already know that every year dody cooks something for the grange xmas supper. last year she made a turducken, which is a turkey stuffed with a duck that is stuffed with a chicken. it went over pretty good at the grange, although like me, everyone thot at...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 9, 2006 | The Dodge Report
Sez here that we’re gonna go to the moon. Well, how about that.Also sez here we’re gonna spend some dozen billion dollars a year to get there. Sez we’re gonna set up some bases there. Sez it’s a real inhospitable place, that moon, but...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 12, 2006 | The Dodge Report
I got a bunch of cracks in the house where the wind blows thru, and nothing fills up a crack like caulk. I figgered a 14 inch tube of white caulk wld do the job. i asked jake if he had 14 inches of white caulk, and he said he did but only the one tube and he needed it...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 15, 2006 | The Dodge Report
I thot i got rid of them but evidently not. i went to change my underpants and reached in there and heard something scratching and squeaking and sure enough, it was those same bats from the summer. i do not blame them for liking it in my underpants drawer because it...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 16, 2006 | The Dodge Report
You might of seen this in the news:Sez here some teenager in Indiana got arrested for driving 140 mph. Sez he was in a hurry to get home before his curfew. Well, fair enough. So long as he has got a good reason.Now, the obvious bad news for the teenager is that he got...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 21, 2006 | The Dodge Report
It has been awful warm lately, but i dont see the solution being to change when the seasons start, and i just dont support this idea thats been in the news lately to change the date when winter starts to "sometime in Februrary," like the head of the Weather...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 20, 2006 | The Dodge Report
As i have mentioned before, I and jake once had a bb gun fight and he shot my eye out, which is how i got this one brown eye, which had been in the head of a rabbi before it was put into my head. ever since i got this eye, i have felt like i have a little jewish blood...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 28, 2006 | The Dodge Report
Some of you might know that who we all picture as Santa Claus is something conjured up by the Coca Cola company back in the 1930s. a fellow by the name of haddon sundblom drew Santa for coke and did such a bang up job of it that ol’ haddons Santa is pretty much...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 3, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Now that i have recovered from dody’s turducken, i am out of bed and onto my feet again, even tho i am sitting down to right this and am not actualy on my feet. The whole reason is b/c it seems it werent such a good idea after all to stuff a chicken in a duck...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 5, 2007 | The Dodge Report
You have probly been wondering what i did on New Years Eve, so I will tell you. Dody got me a telescope for xmas, and i and jake and dody and even captain slow spent the 31st looking at uranus. some of the things we wondered abt uranus are: does it have a ring around...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 8, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Back 8 months or so ago i found Dodie a orange kitten which is now a cat named Gillette. usually cats dont make it much past the 6 month mark up here b/c of fishercats and coyotes and whatnot, which is why we name our cats after disposable razors. gillette replaces a...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 10, 2007 | The Dodge Report
There has been a lot of hullaballoo abt polar bears lately. I understand they are having a hard time up there in the arctic what with the melting icecaps and such, but do they have it any harder than folks in Detroit or Ohio or even at the Delco hairbrush factory that...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 12, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Found one of those cell phone cameras in the backpack of a fellow come thru. was quite a few pictures on it, including a handful of some fellow going about his goings on in an apartment somewheres. the pictures dont look atall like the fellow whats backpack the...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 16, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Sez here on the radio that condoleeza rice says the presidents plan isnt a surge or escalation. she says it is an "augmentation." Well, now things make sense. I had wondered why the president had mobilized 21,000 plastic surgeons.
by Frank Dodge | Jan 17, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Before this ice storm I had ran into Randy Bump in town last week and he was all this and all that abt his 1982 modified mercedes sedan that runs on french fry grease from those fastfood places out on the strip. says he gets abt 100 miles to the gallon running on...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 19, 2007 | The Dodge Report
That is my resolution b/c I and Dodie have been w/o power since monday and we have spent the last 2 days running on that old french fry grease generator and moving all of Dodys hair dryers from room to room trying to keep the pipes above freezing. usually i can just...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 24, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Sez here the godless democrats are pushing a pot of ethics reforms. Now, i am not the canniest fellow in the cannery, but it is not like something like ethics reforms has to be hard, especially when nobody really needs their ethics reformed except politicans. Anyways,...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 25, 2007 | The Dodge Report
My friend, he knows people always get the wrong idea when a man takes a shine to a sheep but its not like that. not at all. you wld know what my freiend means if you met this sheep. its like 242 isnt a sheep but is a dog or some friend come back to life. 242 is a...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 29, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I wld go to the doctor but there is no point b/c you cant do much for a toe that has been stomped on by a beefalo. i think instead i and jake will make plans to eat that beefalo or trade him for something that can be eaten.Here is a picture of the damage what that...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 30, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I and jake finally got out on the ice at card pond this weekend. as i have earlier mentioned, i have been saving a bucket of dead mice for the occasion when card pond wld lock up w/ ice and what w/ the temps being 40 below zero, that occasion was this weekend. i had...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 31, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I and Dody took the truck to town last nite to get some provisions and i noticed the store was selling "organic" maple syrup. Well, i just never heard of such a thing. or actually, i never heard of the opposite thing. whoever heard of maple syrup that is NOT...
by Frank Dodge | Feb 2, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Honky Tonka Truck is I and Dodys favorite music group and they played last night at Sportsmens Lounge so I and Dody and Jake piled into the truck and went down town for the 2nd day in a row. On the way we stopped by to see if Captain Slow wanted to come w/ but he is...
by Frank Dodge | Feb 4, 2007 | The Dodge Report
What with global warming, i spose that means it will be summer in 6 weeks.not that anyone cares but jake, but he says that big carp he likes to watch down by the river dint see his shadow neither. i dont know how he can tell such a thing as that, but he says what he...
by Frank Dodge | Feb 8, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I and Jake made the following plan to bring cpt slow back to his senses, since he has been being even slower than usual, if you can believe that, and we have been worried abt him, if you can believe that too. He has just been holed up in his iceshack on Card Pond, and...
by Frank Dodge | Feb 14, 2007 | The Dodge Report
It was a good contest and we had eight tongues on the pole, up from six last year. Jake had pole postion and was the heavy favorite but that is only b/c he is fat. Anyways, jake won, setting a new record in the process. We are going to call up the folks at the guinnes...
by Frank Dodge | Feb 19, 2007 | The Dodge Report
It is snowing now but the other night way before it was snowing the weather fellow on the TV set forecasted it to snow abt 6 inches but it did not snow and the evening after it did not snow I and Dody was again watching tv and this weather fellow did not say anything...
by Frank Dodge | Feb 21, 2007 | The Dodge Report
It has been real busy around here what with the ice fishing derby and the polar bear club dip so i have not got to the computer for a few days. that is the bad news, but the good news is that I won the derby and jake stayed in the water at the polar bear dip for abt...
by Frank Dodge | Feb 27, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Drove by St Mastercard catholic church, which you might have read abt b/c it is gone bankrupt on account of there problems w/ boys seducing priests and vice versa and whatnot, back when it was called St. Olaf’s. They have sold the name of the place to Mastercard...
by Frank Dodge | Feb 23, 2007 | The Dodge Report
We run out of ben gay again so i had to go to the hardware today to buy one of those heated things you put on the edge of your roof to melt the ice that has got all built up there. It is like a heated chain you plug in and it melts the ice. i figgered i cld melt the...
by Frank Dodge | Mar 2, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Every once and a while one of those lowflying fighter jets flies overhead just a few yards above the trees and it rattles the windows and scares the birds and makes the fish get all sullen and that beefalo we have yet to kill get all jumpy and Mr Slippy the goat gets...
by Frank Dodge | Mar 20, 2007 | The Dodge Report
It has happened before and i have told her to close that door. she says it blew open b/c i have not fixed the handle like i have said i wld do, and she has a good point there. but nonetheless i think she needs to be either more careful or more watchful b/c it is not...
by Frank Dodge | Mar 21, 2007 | The Dodge Report
You are probly wondering where I have been for the last couple weeks, well I will tell you. I won a trip for 2 to Washington DC on the radio contest when I correctly identified Pago Pago as the capital of Samoa. I won a train ride and a hotel and a tour and dinner and...
by Frank Dodge | Mar 23, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Had quite a surprise yesterday when Bil Keane came knocking on our door. His car got stuck in the mud down the road a spell, and as that fellow at the south pole almost said a hundred years ago, "What the mud gets, the mud keeps." We are in fullblown...
by Frank Dodge | Mar 26, 2007 | The Dodge Report
It was not easy, i tell you that. First we went to the mens clothing store and I said to the lady clerk there "Him and me need a some rubbers. I am bigger than him so I need a bigger size than him." and she got all redfaced and she said i was in the wrong...
by Frank Dodge | Mar 28, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Not that i am like mrs. macbeth or anything but i wash my hands every so often and when jake gets pigeye i do not get pigeye and now he has got Restless Leg Syndrome and I do not have Restless leg syndrome and neither does dody. He thinks he might of caught it from...
by Frank Dodge | Mar 29, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I am sure it was Georgie Femm’s twins what were hereabouts last nite and they did a number on that beefalo we have yet to slaughter. They sprayed gluespray all over my beefalo and covered it in glitter and if only that beefalo had some fight in it i do not think...
by Frank Dodge | Apr 5, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Sez here that these fellows in the justice dept and the white house wld rather not put therre hands on a bible and take an oath and put their words on paper and say whats what and whens when and whos who. fair enough. everyone is entitled to their opinion, even if...
by Frank Dodge | Apr 10, 2007 | The Dodge Report
It is the start of baseball season and i thot dody was looking when i tossed her my carl yaztremski autographed baseball but she was not b/c she was doing the dishes, which i shld have noticed but i did not, and that yaz baseball went clear thru the kitchen window and...
by Frank Dodge | Apr 12, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I am not opposed to gambling and i have played a hand or two of poker and i have shook hands w/ the one armed bandit, and i am not talking abt Seth Lamboux, who had his arm bit off by a dolphin. Interesting story how that happend, by the way. Apparently the dolphin...
by Frank Dodge | Apr 15, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I have had a bad case of the jumps the last few days and i think it is because i ate too much rabbit on sunday. but that is not the point of what i have to say. what i have to say involves Gus Minors assignation w/ the lord and subsequent divorce from him.What happend...
by Frank Dodge | Apr 18, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Captain Slow follows music pretty close and in addition to his and mine and jake and dody’s favorite band Honky Tonka Truck he likes oldies bands like Glenn Miller and Kiss. Whenever a Kiss cover band comes to town Cpt Slow gets excited, altho unless you have...
by Frank Dodge | Apr 19, 2007 | The Dodge Report
If there were CIA agents around and i was in one of those black site prisons we arent sposed to know abt, i sure wld have spilled the beans at lunch today. All those CIA agents wld have to do to get me to talk wld be to start making me a grill cheese sandwhich and...
by Frank Dodge | Apr 20, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Cpt slow showed me how to do links of things and he has told me that what people want out of the internet is "intertextuality." That is a big word for cpt slow and he kind of dozed off in the middle of it. What i think he meant was that a lot of people w/...
by Frank Dodge | Apr 25, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Jake came over to borrow my shovel and said he wants to make bumperstickers that say "Fart twice if you like broccoli" and sell them in garden centers. It is a good idea and he has got to get the bumper stickers into the garden centers while the iron is hot....
by Frank Dodge | Apr 26, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I have saved 6 months of haircuts in a hairbag along w/ my fingernail clippings and toe nail clippings, and since it has been warm enough the last few days that I and Dody got the garden dug and Jake tilled up his plot I put that hair and those clippings all around...
by Frank Dodge | May 1, 2007 | The Dodge Report
It is b/c i smell so bad that I have been ostrichsized from my little community w/ dody and i have been staying at jakes place and we have been keeping mostly to ourselves and sulking quite a lot abt what happened on sunday. he has apologized at me for throwing the...
by Frank Dodge | May 2, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Today I bot 2 gallons of chainsaw gas and since I had a salt tooth, which is different than a sweet tooth, i figgered i wld get some potato chips b/c I will tell you something: I do not like the way these gas stations put dog biscuits in little baskets on the checkout...
by Frank Dodge | May 4, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Cpt Slow has tried all kinds of things to keep Oola from getting homesick and lonesome but there comes a time when you have to bring out all the stops, so I and dody and jake and cpt slow and oola piled into cpt slows Subaru and all went on a fieldtrip to Ikea down in...
by Frank Dodge | May 9, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Sez here on the radio the americans and iranians had a little sit down to talk abt what is what and who is who and when is whatever. now, the only kind of "diplomat" i am is the kind what goes to dairy queen and gets one of those DIPped ice creams w/ fake...
by Frank Dodge | May 18, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I and jake have been volunteers at the brain study some labcoat fellows in town have been doing. they hook us up to a machine and show us pictures of things like chocolate cake and naked girlies and burn victims and they see how our brains light up. it is fun and i...
by Frank Dodge | May 23, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I have a feeling that this is one of those times where the headline kind of tells the whole story. But in case you did not read the headline, here is the story: bil keane, who got his car stuck in the mud some time ago and from who i won quite a pot at poker, but then...
by Frank Dodge | May 24, 2007 | The Dodge Report
But not so far so good w/ the concentrated bobcat urine, which is attracting bobcats. I and jake did not see this one coming, i will tell you that. We have got our spray bottles full of bobcat and coyote urine and have been going whole hog spraying all over the place....
by Frank Dodge | May 30, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Last year i worked it out w/ Bumps Diner that i wld take their coffee grounds and i have got to tell you, that stuff is like gold. Not literally b/c gold is a lot heavier and is a different color, but you know what i mean. anyway, I spose it is the cafeine but...
by Frank Dodge | Jun 2, 2007 | The Dodge Report
It is amazing to think it has been FIFTY years that Deerfield Village has been "historic." I have always had a soft spot for fake theme villages like deerfield b/c of that one week i spent in Leavenworth Washington way up in the cascade mountains where i bot...
by Frank Dodge | Jun 6, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Boy am i steamed at old bil keane. He sent me a check for what he owed me from that shellacking what he had took from when we played poker and he was the big loser. Took him long enough, but he did send it. And now it has bounced! Boy, there is nothing lower than a...
by Frank Dodge | Jun 9, 2007 | The Dodge Report
What happened is the other day we dug up that fence from those summer people up the road w/ that dog what barks all the time. Like they say, summer people and some are not, and these people are the ladder. And then we re-dug that fence in so we cld make a invisible...
by Frank Dodge | Jun 13, 2007 | The Dodge Report
First off, I have got many letters of concern abt me and the invisible fence and i just want everyone to know that i am ok b/c i used ben gay in an expedient fashion. what jake forgot when he dared me to put on the electircal collar and see if i got a shock is that...
by Frank Dodge | Jun 21, 2007 | The Dodge Report
This picture was in a camera I found. I have already called up the Girl Scouts and ordered 500 boxes of thin mints and I suggest you do the same thing.
by Frank Dodge | Jun 22, 2007 | The Dodge Report
It is the one from Dancing on the Stars when she fell down. Cpt Slow knows a fellow who knows a fellow who knows a fellow, and for 500 of those extra tupperware containerrs we had around we worked out a trade and zip zam zoom, we have got Missus Paul McCartney’s...
by Frank Dodge | Jun 29, 2007 | The Dodge Report
The weather was good and the lightning bugs plenty. We had a good turnout for the contest, with 13 jars at the ready for the half hour tilt. I and jake had argued for the full hour, but Big Tiny insisted we use Quebec Rules since we started using them last winter....
