Archive
by Frank Dodge | Jan 11, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I do not understand why the ad calls him Borat Hussein Obama instead of his real name which as i understand it is just plain Barak Obama. But more than that I do not understand the picture that goes w/ the ad. I think this might be the "race card" I have...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 15, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I was returning that Idiots guide to medal detecting that i borrowed some time ago and i and that librarian w/ the wood leg were abt to step out side to settle whether i wld pay my fine or not b/c i do not think i shld have to pay it and he obviously does. I do not...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 16, 2008 | The Dodge Report
If you spray WD40 in a pan absolutely nothing sticks to it. Wd40 makes one hell of a silver dollar pancake that is for sure, and you can take that to the bank. But it must have lubed up my insides b/c those silver dollar pancakes just keep sliding right out of me like...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 19, 2008 | The Dodge Report
It tasted good but it gave everyone the jumps b/c i substituted wd40 for butter. The reason I had did that and which i did not explain before is b/c the other night i was down town and i found abt 10 whole boxes of wd40, and they were the big cans too. And then we ran...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 23, 2008 | The Dodge Report
Once an astronaut always an astronaut, that is the thing w/ jake. This is the 2nd time he has climbed up that oak tree to get at a weather ballon what is not actually a weather balloon but just a regular balloon balloon w/ a ribbon at the end and every thing. It is a...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 25, 2008 | The Dodge Report
What happened is that I and jake was cutting wood and i felt this twinge in my back and jake laughed at this face i made b/c of it. So then we went over to the truck and I made the face again in the side mirror and i have got to admit that it was a doozy of a face....
by Frank Dodge | Jan 29, 2008 | The Dodge Report
It is JANUARY now and Coca Cola still has those santa cans on the shelfs and they shld of come up w/ a better idea for a soda can by now. like a martin luther king can or a groundhog day can or some other can to celebrate some other holiday instead of xmas all the...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 31, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I understand he wants the economy to grow but I am not sure i understand what he means when he says he wants to make the economy "throb". Anyway maybe it is me but i just do not think you can stimulate an economy by rubbing on it. It is not like an economy...
by Frank Dodge | Feb 4, 2008 | The Dodge Report
It is okay tho b/c I and jake and dody are going to hear Big Tiny sing tonite at the Open Mike down at sportmens lounge. What happened was I did what the qtip box says you are not sposed to do which is to go digging around in there and get the wax all jammed up and...
by Frank Dodge | Feb 5, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I remembered when jake had restless leg syndrome so i called the Restless Leg Syndrom Support Group down town and asked the fellow on the telephone if either I cld bring my beefalo to one of the meetings or if may be they cld hold one of the meetings up here but he...
by Frank Dodge | Feb 7, 2008 | The Dodge Report
If 242 did not have an earmark it wld be harder to identify him. His ear mark is a yellow tag that goes right in his ear and says "242" in case he ever goes missing. I can stop by Travises field and call "242! Here boy!" and i can tell when his...
by Frank Dodge | Feb 9, 2008 | The Dodge Report
Steeroids are a terrible thing. It is sad how it keeps resting its behind in the snow and bellowing. It is also very loud. You have never seen a beefalo in such agony, I will tell you what. The poor thing. There is not much we can do for it neither. We have tried...
by Frank Dodge | Feb 11, 2008 | The Dodge Report
It is the only thing that makes sense. It smells like cheese burgers all over the place. Every one always thinks that spontaneous combustion happens all at once like an explosion but i do not think it always does happen that way. I think it is like a long slow burn...
by Frank Dodge | Feb 13, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I wld just like to say thank you to who ever left the box of ribbon candy and the Queen and Elton john cassette tapes on the front seat of my truck. As soon as i put those cassette tapes on my beefalo seemed to perk right up. I think he was just lonely is what the...
by Frank Dodge | Feb 18, 2008 | The Dodge Report
What happened was I had a coupon for that new doctor so I went in for a routine check up, and he said I have dachshunds in my liver and dachshunds in my intestines and dachshunds in my blood and dachshunds in my lungs. Basically he said I am full of poisonous...
by Frank Dodge | Feb 21, 2008 | The Dodge Report
Big Tiny was the official rubber b/c he has the biggest hands. We used the Quebec Rules and since Cpt Slow did not want to compete this year b/c of what happened the last time when his arm hair caught fire so he was the timekeeper. Here are the results:1. Travis 14...
by Frank Dodge | Feb 27, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I sure have been looking forward to it and i was beginning to think it wld never get here! February wld not be feb if there was no the swimsuit issue of Warts Illustrated to look foward to.I have been a subscriber to warts illustrated ever since Dody got me a...
by Frank Dodge | Feb 29, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I have seen better ones but it was okay. It was not a bad eclipse. It just was not a great eclipse. It was okay. I wld give it a 5.
by Frank Dodge | Mar 4, 2008 | The Dodge Report
Mystery cans are those cans at the Bargain Barn what do not have labels on them any more. They cost 10 cents and you do not know what is inside of them b/c there is no label only a can. For 25 cent you get a big can and we got some of them too. Then we went to the...
by Frank Dodge | Mar 7, 2008 | The Dodge Report
Using teasers is a waste of money! Why dont the police do the teasing themselves? Why do they have to bring in teasers to do it for them? The problem is it raises more questions then it answers. How much do these teasers cost? How affective are the teasers? Do the...
by Frank Dodge | Mar 12, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I feel bad for Travis b/c he has never invented anything like i and jake have but that does not mean you just go and tack some flypaper to the bottom of a birdfeeder and then go bragging how you are going to catch a lot of mice. It is not going to work, and I and jake...
by Frank Dodge | Mar 17, 2008 | The Dodge Report
What happened was that Travis tacked a whole bunch of fly paper to a bird feeder to catch what he said were marauding mice but were probly squirrels, and just like I and jake told him wld happen he ended up getting a whole bunch of chickadees caught on the paper and...
by Frank Dodge | Mar 27, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I am worried that it thinks i am its mother since i saved its life. This has happend before and what you have to do is lay down the law, except i am not the best lay down the law layer. What it does is it kind of looks at me as i go abt my chores and cocks its head...
by Frank Dodge | Mar 31, 2008 | The Dodge Report
Salmo Fario was a good fisherman who passed away a couple weeks ago. It was him what told me that a real fisherman does not know his home by roads but by water, and that is a fact. Him and me did not actually fish together much b/c I prefer using worms and mice and...
by Frank Dodge | Apr 4, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I have got me a lot of house flies what buzz up against the windows so what i did was I got a hair from dody’s brush and i made a little lasso and caught me a fly and kind of roped it around the neck so it was on a leash. Well anyway at first i thot it was on a...
by Frank Dodge | Apr 8, 2008 | The Dodge Report
Sez her on the radio that Hillary Clinton made over a hundred million smackers in the last few years & the only other person i know of who has made that much is that fellow what plays for the Yankees, so i guess they must be the same person b/c how can there be 2...
by Frank Dodge | Apr 13, 2008 | The Dodge Report
It really just was not a good idea. Jake found out abt it, and it was just exactly like what i thot it wld be like. that is all i have to say abt that except that we can not go back for a month.
by Frank Dodge | Apr 18, 2008 | The Dodge Report
It has been real warm & the snow is melting & pretty soon the daffodils & tulips what i dug up from in front of the library last fall will come up. I can not wait. Plus, I seen a bunch of robins today. But the main thing is the sap is started flowing...
by Frank Dodge | Apr 21, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I do not know what they are doing flying around like they are but they come thru at abt 500 mph & they just skim the tops of the trees & they scare the trees so much we can not get any sap out of them. I know for a fact this year is a real good sap run in...
by Frank Dodge | Apr 24, 2008 | The Dodge Report
We finally put to good use that deep sea fishing net we found a couple years ago on that japanese tuna boat. For the record, it was all jakes idea.What we did was we built a big frame sort of like a gigantic football goal post & we hoisted it up to the very top...
by Frank Dodge | May 2, 2008 | The Dodge Report
He came up asking questions abt the net we put up to catch one of those fighter jets & she told him she did not know what he was talking abt but if he was her wld he be happy abt having the windows shake & her soufles collapse & he said he was sorry abt...
by Frank Dodge | May 28, 2008 | The Dodge Report
What happend was i and dody came up the hill in the truck & i spied over in this swampy stretch 6 turtles on a log. That is a lot of turtles. And then later on i & jake went to card pond & we seen 5 more! Well, you bet i went back later & put some...
by Frank Dodge | May 30, 2008 | The Dodge Report
What happend is I and Jake had a burn to get rid of some brush & suchlike, and so we had a lot of coals left over. Well, every one knows when you have a burn you invite people over & put some potatoes & beets etc. in the coals & cook them up. So...
by Frank Dodge | Jun 3, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I think it has something to do w/ molecules. What happend is i and jake had a contest to see how many balloons we cld fill up in one minute only jake cheated and did not blow his all the way up. Me, i was blowing mine up all the way to where they were abt to explode....
by Frank Dodge | Jun 4, 2008 | The Dodge Report
It was a real nice shirt too w/ big red roses on it. I found it in the dressing room of a clothing store a long time ago. It was a perfect shirt to wear in the garden b/c it had flowers & vines all over it & it was like wearing camelflage. I do not think...
by Frank Dodge | Jun 16, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I bet Hillary wishes she had of thot of this, that is for sure. I will tell you what: it is a good day for America when a fellow can walk into Taco Bell and get a free taco for voting! I and jake are going to go to as many taco bells as we can, b/c we voted abt 15...
by Frank Dodge | Jun 24, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I do not like to make a big deal out of this but i used to play minor league baseball & was good friends w/ ted williams of the red sox. So what happend was he died a while back & his step son had him cryongetically frozen so some time down the road teds DNA...
by Frank Dodge | Jul 16, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I do not like how as soon as summer starts you get less of it, but when winter starts you get more of it. That does not seem fair. Today was shorter then yesterday. Tomorrow is shorter then today. It is like summer is over before it even started.I tell you what: I...
by Frank Dodge | Aug 5, 2008 | The Dodge Report
We used the Quebec Rules exactly as they are written except instead of saying Zed we said Zero. That caused some confusion ofcourse but we all got used to it after awhile. Besides it is rare that you ever have a zero b/c people pretty much always put down at least one...
by Frank Dodge | Aug 12, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I wish I had of kept the rec’t b/c this never shld of happend. What happend is, I have got abt a million slugs feasting on my cabbage. So I ran the extinction cord down w/ the vacuum & started sucking them up but they just jammed up the filter & the...
by Frank Dodge | Aug 14, 2008 | The Dodge Report
They keep having threesomes on my beans. Why wld I want to eat beans after they have been mattresses for an ongoing japanese beetle orgy? It is around the clock beetle on beetle action & enough is enough. I am not saying this b/c I am jealous or anything, I am...
by Frank Dodge | Aug 29, 2008 | The Dodge Report
It is just women romping around in their underwear on the beach. Who wants to watch that? But I am not complaining, I am just saying. It is the same w/ mens diving & how they wear those shorts. What i wld like is I wld like to see those fellows have to catch...
by Frank Dodge | Sep 11, 2008 | The Dodge Report
It is an inspired choice for Mac to pick Michael Palin. I did not know he was American! I also did not know he is a woman from Alaska. It just goes to show you what you can end up not knowing when you are busy doing other things, that is for sure!Anyhow, there is a...
by Frank Dodge | Oct 13, 2008 | The Dodge Report
That is why it is hard for me to decide. I am glad I will have several absentee ballots so if worst comes to worst I can vote for and against myself and cancel out my vote entirely.
by Frank Dodge | Oct 15, 2008 | The Dodge Report
What happend was I dropped a cellphone camera i had found at the library which i was trying to use to take pictures of 242 but 242 is a big fellow now & while i wld not say he charged me, he did come right at me. He use to come running right up when I called him...
by Frank Dodge | Oct 17, 2008 | The Dodge Report
You can tell a lot from a fellows name and I do not think I like the sounds of this fellow. I once knew a bank teller named Tryon Steel & you know what? That is right, he is in the pokey for doing just what his name told him to do. In a way you can not blame him...
by Frank Dodge | Oct 21, 2008 | The Dodge Report
After the 2000 election, I thot Florida had to give back its baseball teams. I remember thinking at the time, "That is fair. If they can not hold an election, they shld not be able to hold any baseball games either." And then Jake told me that they use to be...
by Frank Dodge | Oct 31, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I am surprised i never thot of it before. We had a frost last nite but I coated all the garden plants w/ ben gay & they did just fine. It takes longer then covering them w/ a sheet but a sheet only keeps the frost off them it does not actually warm them up,...
by Frank Dodge | Nov 4, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I planted them kind of late & they are so close to being done I can just taste it. But it is raining & i do not want them to get too wet so I spent the afternoon w/ dody's hairdryer. They are just fine now.
by Frank Dodge | Nov 7, 2008 | The Dodge Report
Jake voted 8 times so that is 14 more votes for you know who! Jake got the extra ballots b/c Mrs Mogan the town clerk likes him more than Nut Mogan who is her husband. Nut has spent a lot of time in the pokey & jake says b/c of that "the flames of ardor have...
by Frank Dodge | Nov 26, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I bet it was the blood of republicans. I am surprised she wld wear something w/ all that blood on it to such an important event. I have asked around & everyone i have ast has said they wld not wear so much blood. Even the republicans said that!
by Frank Dodge | Nov 28, 2008 | The Dodge Report
We do not any of us have investments or regular jobs or pay taxes or anything like that, but we are all getting worried abt how we will all weather the economy crisis just the same & that is why I called a meeting. Before we did tho we had round robin Battleship...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 3, 2008 | The Dodge Report
It is b/c people are scared is why. What w/ the weather getting cold, folks up here are worried what will come next. I will tell you what. A lot of folks burned there furniture last winter to keep warm when oil prices got real high. Nobody talks much abt that but if...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 5, 2008 | The Dodge Report
It was good pie & then we played bingo & then we made a list of ideas which I will now "introduce into the public record". That is Nut Mogan's expression. He got it from his wife who works at the town clerks office & also from the many...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 11, 2008 | The Dodge Report
The ski area must of forgot abt it, b/c it was just sitting there on the side of the mountain. It looks just like a cannon & we are going to make a whole mess of snow & start our own ski area & we will charge less money then the regular ski areas &...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 16, 2008 | The Dodge Report
First you have to get a real long firehose, which we did not have & had to go get. Fortunately, they have extra ones that they carry around on firetrucks so we did that. Then you have to get the hose to fit w/ the snow gun which is not easy & ours kind of...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 19, 2008 | The Dodge Report
What happend was I & jake have been working round the clock to get the snowmaker working but it is just one thing after another. First the weather is too warm. Then it was real cold & I and Jake did not feel like working when it was so cold out. Then there...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 2, 2009 | The Dodge Report
Actually, it is not a chair lift it is a rope tow. We found it on this one part of the ski are that I bet hardly anyone goes to. They probably forgot it was there what w/ all the fancy new chair lifts they have. Anyway, we rigged it up just as Travis was coming home...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 6, 2009 | The Dodge Report
What happend was we made the park w/ the snowcannon we found & we been working real hard & got lots of people coming by & we were going great guns almost all the way thru xmas and new years, etc but then right at the stroke of midnite this one fellow...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 8, 2009 | The Dodge Report
What it is is a donut shop that is also a bar, or else a bar that is also a donut shop. It is a good idea & I went down for the grand opening last nite & I had a lot of screech & abt a hundred donuts. B/c we are all friends I told them to put it on my...
