Monte Belmonte Wines
Can You Convince Monte Belmonte that Pinot Grigio is Good?
When I started down the road to wine snobbery, I was one of those people that said “I’m a red wine drinker. I don’t like white wine.” What a young, foolish, naive, wine drinker I was. I have since realized that there are great and interesting manifestations of...
Monte Belmonte Wines: So What Is Kosher Wine, Anyway?
“There’s nothing in the Torah about the Passover Seder. We first hear of it about 2000 years ago in a book of Rabbinic custom and law called the Mishnah. And the first thing they talk about is that everyone has to have four cups of wine.” Well G-d, if you insist! I...
Monte Belmonte Wines: The Gewürzfather Part II
“Weird. What the heck does it smell like? Roses? It tastes like Oil of Olay.” “It smells like…you know how, in spring, the buds are coming out on the trees? Like those trees that smell like sex?” “Like a ‘period’ tree.” “It smells like sex is about to happen. It...
The magical ménage à trois: Wine, chocolate, and Valentine’s Day
Roses are red. Wine is red. Violets are violet. Let’s try some chocolate. Valentine’s Day, wine, and chocolate are like a magical ménage à trois. And like that other ménage à trois I was part of, you don’t want to realize in the middle of it all that you have made a...
Monte Belmonte Wines: An AFC Championship 5-Bottle Wine Snob Quiz with Mesa Amy
I go to Mesa Verde, a burrito bar in Greenfield, pretty much every week and order take-out for the Belmonte family: blackened-chicken burrito with chipotle sour cream, Mesa salad, cheese quesadilla, large chips and guac and an unsalted margarita while I wait. A...
Monte Belmonte Wines: You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Wine
All natural. The kind of buzz words that make my extremely savvy, health-conscious wife cringe. When you see “natural flavors” on raspberry flavored items, it might as well read “flavors expressed from a beaver anus.” It’s true. Or at least it used to be. Google it....
Monte Belmonte Wines: This January, Give Dry a Try
It is possible that you have spent the last month and a half punishing your liver. Look, I get it. You only drink socially and you are a very social person who went to three holiday office parties and 17 family get-togethers between Thanksgiving and New Years. But the...
Monte Belmonte Wines: Champagne to Toast the End of the World
The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists’ Doomsday Clock is set at two and a half minutes until midnight. This is the closest to nuclear annihilation we have been since the clock was created in 1947. Time to prepare for the countdown to end all countdowns. And when our...
Monte Belmonte Wines: Navigating the Holiday Winefield
Holiday get-togethers are like a minefield of bad wines. A winefield, if you will. You are casually exchanging theories about The Last Jedi with your nephew when a well-intentioned relative hands you a glass of “red” because they know you like “red wine.” What on...
Monte Belmonte Wines: Drink Up, Pilgrim
Thanksgiving: when (non-Native) Americans celebrate their favorite (made up) moments from (revisionist) history. A time when you will sit down to enjoy a feast (with historically incorrect menu), lovingly seated around the table next to your (mouth-breathing)...
How to Navigate Holiday Wine Tastings With Style
As we tiptoe toward the holiday season, you may find yourself with the opportunity to attend a wine tasting. A chance to try endless, free, tiny pours of wines and other alcoholic beverages in anticipation of having to endure the darkest and saddest time of the year —...
Moldovan wine a welcome invasion from former Soviet Union
You already know that Russia hacked our election. What you might not have heard is how Russia has also inadvertently hacked our American wine market. And the two main culprits currently under investigation are from Agawam, the husband and wife team of Andrei Birsan...
Monte Belmonte Wines – Cooler Than You: Portuguese Wines
What’s a hipster’s favorite wine grape varietal? I mean, it’s wicked obscure, you’ve probably never heard of it. I’ve adapted one of my favorite hipster jokes to highlight one of the still obscure, I-knew-these-wines-before-they-sold-out regions: Portugal. Portugal as...
Monte Belmonte Wines: Don’t Blame the Cat
Bordeaux: It’s the wine capital of the world. Even Thomas Jefferson, while keeping busy hypocritically impeding people’s lives and liberties, pursued wine happiness there. When most people think of Bordeaux, they think, “Dude, how the hell am I supposed to pronounce...
New Column: Monte Belmonte Wines
You are reading a wine column that was written by a non-expert: a rank novice who has never worked in the wine industry, or the restaurant industry; who has never been to France (outside of Charles de Gaulle) or to California (outside of L.A.); and who, frankly, has...E-Edition
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