Archive
by Frank Dodge | Jul 5, 2007 | The Dodge Report
We had said Boom was like Barry Bonds, and we sure were right only last week we meant it b/c he was such a better lighnting bug catcher than all of the rest of us and not b/c he was a CHEATER but facts are facts and after an exhausting investigation that has occupied...
by Frank Dodge | Jul 10, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Today it was the annual Running of the Goats downtown, which is a big to do that the Chamber of Commerce puts on to kick off summer even tho the 4th of july is already a good 2 wks into the season. Furthermore, the days are already getting shorter and soon there will...
by Frank Dodge | Jul 19, 2007 | The Dodge Report
This is a complicated story so i will tell it slowly so you can follow it. It also has a part in it abt castrating sheep, so you might want to close yr eyes when you read that part.I will start at the beginning and go in order: The 1st thing what happened was that Bil...
by Frank Dodge | Jul 20, 2007 | The Dodge Report
So then what happened was that after we had cut off the sheep’s whatnots and wherewithals and had begun cutting off them rams horns and cauterizing them w/ travises heat gun, big tiny showed up w/ i and jakes package from canada, which we had been expecting ever...
by Frank Dodge | Jul 31, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Well, it was quite a lively fire w/ flames shooting out the windows and bil keane screaming inside and all them sheep running around and i will tell you what: i thot at that moment that america was going to lose one of her preminent cartoonists and i and jake and...
by Frank Dodge | Aug 22, 2007 | The Dodge Report
What happened was that i and jake had went to the hardware store to get some more mice traps when we seen a big turtle in the road and since i did not want the turtle to get hit by a car i stopped the truck and told jake to move it but he did not want to move it and...
by Frank Dodge | Aug 1, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Cpt Slow has a friend who has a friend who has a friend and so we have got a copy of that Chinese Democracy record by that very nervous and fighty fellow what sings in that band w/ that fellow in the big hat . Now as i have mentioned before, I and jake and dody and...
by Frank Dodge | Aug 24, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I have been collecting dessicant for quite some number of years b/c it comes in handy sometimes when there are things you need to dry up and suck the water out of, like eels. So what happened was that a couple months ago i gave Georgie Femm’s boys some popsicles...
by Frank Dodge | Aug 24, 2007 | The Dodge Report
That is all i have to say abt that.
by Frank Dodge | Aug 28, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Oh i know what you are thinking. You are thinking i am a monster for torturing rotweilers and what have you. Well you wld be right except that you are wrong. It is true i was planning to open a dogfiighting franchise but i had planned to fight chihuahuas which are...
by Frank Dodge | Aug 30, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Sez here on the TV that NH is fed up w/ all those other states trying to jump the line and have their primaries first so NH is going to move to October.That is only 2 months away, folks! Now, I can understand NHs position and i can appreciate that all those other...
by Frank Dodge | Aug 31, 2007 | The Dodge Report
That is 3 more than jake even tho he says he has 4 but i am not counting that time he accidently opened the stall door at that airport in houston b/c that was really just a matter of bad timing. Btw i and jake we do not even have 10 republican senators! Now, the media...
by Frank Dodge | Sep 6, 2007 | The Dodge Report
i and jake have gone toe to toe on this one quite a few times of late w/ him insisting that those END CONSTRUCTION signs are simply signs telling drivers the construction is over. but that explanation has always struck me as just a little to convenient. dodie is...
by Frank Dodge | Sep 7, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Is this not one of the most beautiful cows you have ever seen? There is just something abt this cow that makes it really special and nice to look at.
by Frank Dodge | Sep 11, 2007 | The Dodge Report
We have been inundated of late w/ disgraced polticians coming up here to get away from washington dc and i am awful tired of it. we took karl rove out to catch some turtles yesterday and that butterball isnt worth his weight in wheat. first, he waded out to the muddy...
by Frank Dodge | Sep 14, 2007 | The Dodge Report
What happened was Joe Pye and his wife Trudy came to the bingo tent at sundays town fair and they had their own glass bingo chips like they always do and they sat down like they were the king and queen of Bingoland which they are most definitely not.Neither of the two...
by Frank Dodge | Sep 15, 2007 | The Dodge Report
What happened is he invented the opposite of a heat gun, which is a thing that looks a little like a gun and you use it when you want a lot of hot air, like a hair dryer only hotter. His invention is a cold gun which looks just like a heat gun but it blows really cold...
by Frank Dodge | Sep 18, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I started w/ a regular piece of bread and put some ketchup on it and a piece of cheddar cheese. Then i put some pickerel on it and some relish and mustard. That is pretty much the way i always make my pickerel sandwiches and i am pretty sure a lot of people have had...
by Frank Dodge | Sep 21, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Even w/ her marital problems and duties as both a mom and a drunk you cannot say brittainy spears does not keep her eye on the moneyball. It sez here in the business section of the paper that she has signed a lucrative deal w/ MTV to sponsor her upcoming suicide...
by Frank Dodge | Sep 22, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I have been a compulsive gamboler for most of my life and altho i am not as spry as i once was i still enjoy chasing butterflys in the morning and jumping in a big pile of leaves in the afternoon and sometimes at nite when i go outside to pee i will look at all the...
by Frank Dodge | Sep 25, 2007 | The Dodge Report
It is not an easy thing to find, i will tell you that. I had a good one for several years but it broke not too long ago and no amount of gorilla glue seems to be able to bring it back. The top piece of the thing does not sit right on the flange anymore and the hinge...
by Frank Dodge | Sep 27, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I and dody have grown some splendid purple cabbages this year and last nite I cut one in half and there was the Virgin Mary as clear as day. I know that might seem hard to believe but dody saw it too. I will tell you what: it occured to me to start a church, which is...
by Frank Dodge | Oct 2, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Honestly, i do not even know why anyone wanted to have this contest b/c it is well known that i can eat more dirt than anyone and the same was true this year as it was last year and the year before that.We followed the Quebec Rules again, w/ all us each staking out a...
by Frank Dodge | Oct 3, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Back in 2000 when bush got elected Big Tiny bet me $500 that the canadian dollar wld pass the american dollar once bush got his mitts on the economy. Now, that was back when the loony was worth abt 35 cents to the dollar or somesuch business and i took that bet since...
by Frank Dodge | Oct 5, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I know how i will pay Big Tiny. It took some thinking b/c i knew i had to invent something that wld make me some money and so last nite i invented kitty glitter which is kitty litter for the fancy cat. it is just regular sand and all but it has got spangles and...
by Frank Dodge | Oct 10, 2007 | The Dodge Report
What happened was the sewer kind of exploded in front of the hardware store and all that sewery stuff was coming out and the hardware store was right in the line of fire and it was not a pretty smelling picture. And so those fellows what work at the hardware store...
by Frank Dodge | Oct 12, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I have not mentioned this b/c it is embarrassing but dody have been sniffing around trying to figure out where this awful smell has been coming from. we had been thinking it had come from a bat that had died in my underpants drawer and i just had overlooked it for...
by Frank Dodge | Oct 13, 2007 | The Dodge Report
It was Georgie Femm’s boys what did it!What happened was that i was helping Travis fix his fence after jake drove my truck which he had borrowed w/o asking thru it, and i was telling him abt how dody was mad at me for putting the worms in my secret compartment...
by Frank Dodge | Oct 17, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Now, I am not the crackerjackingest crackerjack in the crackerjack box and i am not going to pretend to be, but I am 100% sure bill clinton is plenty miffed b/c al gore got a peace prize and he did not. That is a real thumb in the eye for him especially since jimmy...
by Frank Dodge | Oct 20, 2007 | The Dodge Report
This is complicated so I have to use numbers to explain. What happened is that Travis:swore he wld not tell dody abt me mixing up my dessicant collection w/ the sugar jar andswore he wld not tell dody abt me being wrong in blaming georgie femms boys for poisoning me...
by Frank Dodge | Oct 23, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I have been awful busy getting the wood in for the winter and putting up the storm windows and closing up the garden. I have also been doing some last minute turtling before the turtles are all dug in for the winter and i and jake have been building something i will...
by Frank Dodge | Oct 26, 2007 | The Dodge Report
The Colorado Iraqis have been on quite a winning streak and that is not only good for baseball it is good for the country and it shows that even tho things are not going so great over there in iraq they cannot be going all that bad if a plucky group of Iraqis can win...
by Frank Dodge | Oct 30, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Sez here on the radio that the nfl is going to be playing a game in london. That is fine w/ me and I do not really buy into this line of thinking that bringing football to london means that on the next boat we are going to be shipping them hand guns, but i do think...
by Frank Dodge | Oct 31, 2007 | The Dodge Report
So much for my halloween costume of that guy who put all those balloons on his chair and went a mile in the air. I was not planning on going that high and i was only really shooting for abt 5 feet in the air but even that is a tall order. I guess i had not of thot it...
by Frank Dodge | Nov 1, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Now i really do not know what to do. My original plan of going as that fellow what used helium baloons to go into space did not pan out b/c it really takes an awful lot more balloons that i thot it wld take. And then when i decided to go as sheep 242 and went to go...
by Frank Dodge | Nov 2, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Yesterday I went to the store where i bot some candy in case we get any tricker treaters. I also got went to the hardware store where i bot some rock salt. It is important to cover your bases is what I always say. Anyway, what is this business w/ tiny tiny candy bars?...
by Frank Dodge | Nov 5, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Here are the results. I will put them in descending order like they do on TV:10. The Petes Turkowski, jr and sr, who came as Siamese Frankensteins. It was a clever costume but i saw them in the bathroom trying to share a urinal and it was not pretty.9. Oola, who is...
by Frank Dodge | Nov 7, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I will tell you what: that Donald Hall is one tough cookie. What happened was this morning i was putting in the garlic for next spring when i heard a big ruckus in the woods. I figured it was a bear or some turkeys but i was wrong b/c it was donald hall, last years...
by Frank Dodge | Nov 8, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I and jake have borrowed that big TV what those summer people up the road have so we cld watch the world series btw the boston red sox and the colorado iraqis, along w/ their microwave and toaster what does 6 slices at a time and their waffle iron and also some of...
by Frank Dodge | Nov 12, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I can not say what it is b/c it is a secret but i will tell you this: it is really something. I will tell you one thing tho: it has wood and is shaped like a turtle and we are going to set it on fire at our Burning Turtle festival on Saturday. i have got to stop...
by Frank Dodge | Nov 14, 2007 | The Dodge Report
On saturday just before dawn i and jake set up what we been building which is a gigantic turtle out in Travises sheep field and then we told some people we were having a festival and pretty soon the crowds just started showing up.We had not of told Travis what we had...
by Frank Dodge | Nov 17, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I bet that michael vick fellow wishes he had a really big toilet b/c nobody is making a fuss abt paris hilton flushing that tiny dog of hers down a niteclub toilet. i realize that her dog is only barely a dog and she was probly sick of carrying it everywhere and how...
by Frank Dodge | Nov 19, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Sez here on the radio that this bonds fellow is in a heap of trouble, which made me go up to the attic to look back thru some baseball cards i happened to come into one day at a flea market whilst jake did that thing he used to do where he pretended to have a seizure....
by Frank Dodge | Nov 23, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I never thot it wld happen. It was a can of barbasol and i have had it for 4 years and 3 mths and 2 days. it cost me $1.29 and the price sticker was still on it b/c i kept that can nice and dry and wrapped in a red shammy cloth. 4 yrs is a long time for a shaving...
by Frank Dodge | Nov 26, 2007 | The Dodge Report
What happened was that Harv Dingham who use to fly planes for United and his wife Margo who was a flight attendant got put in charge of food and that was a big mistake. I have no big qualm w/ Harv himself even tho he still dresses up like a pilot and instead of saying...
by Frank Dodge | Nov 29, 2007 | The Dodge Report
It sez here on the radio that a massive steroid from outerspace killed the dinosaurs! I guess they must have gotten cancer after their gigantic knees got arthritis. Frankly, i always thot it was a meteor or a meteorite what killed off the dinosaurs. I am not sure...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 3, 2007 | The Dodge Report
It was obviously a stinker and a loud one at that. Everyone says how presidential mitt romney looks but he did not look too presidential when he wrinkled up his nose and fanned his face w/ his hand. I will agree that it was over dramatic but he seemed to get the worst...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 4, 2007 | The Dodge Report
Sometimes at nite i will hear water running and squeaky toys and splashing but when i go to see what it is there is nothing there. I did not have this problem w/ my old tub but this is a new tub. Not a new, new tub but new to me. What happened is I kind of broke the...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 7, 2007 | The Dodge Report
“Good times, great oldies, continuous soft tits.” How on earth do they get to say that on the radio? I am not shocked and i am not appalled and i am not going to write a congressman but i am puzzled beyond belief. I have been listening to this station all...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 10, 2007 | The Dodge Report
What happened was that Cpt Slow finished that sauna he started abt six years ago. If you have ever seen cpt slow hammer a nail, you will understand why it took him so long. He is so slow it is like he defiles gravity. It is like he is using a hammer filled w/ helium....
by Frank Dodge | Dec 14, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I do not know how they managed to get candy cane flavor on a corn chip but that is not a flavor that belongs on a corn chip.Who ever is running the Dorito factory is out of control and really needs to be stopped. It is like the dorito factory has got taken over by...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 18, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I have watched a little TV and looked up some words in the dictionary that i was not sure how to spell. i have went over to jakes and borrowed some birdseed for the feeders and i have borrowed back my boots b/c it is going to snow. I have made and ate a pickerel...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 19, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I have got to hand it to us. It is an impressive feet of engineering to have dug this tunnel. We have been working on it for a while now and i think it is going to make things a lot more convenient. It cld be more convenient but Dody did not want the one end of the...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 20, 2007 | The Dodge Report
He does not know that i know he has got more than enough so i do not understand why he has got to be so greedy abt them. He knows i like them. It is not fair. If i found three boxes of corn nuts on a truck outside a convenience store i wld share them w/ him. I thot...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 21, 2007 | The Dodge Report
I think i have figured out why he is not sharing them. he has been saving them to give me for a gift at xmas. He is a true friend that jake. Now I and him have a plan we need to execute. It is secret so i will have to tell you abt it later.
by Frank Dodge | Dec 24, 2007 | The Dodge Report
But I think the first thing you need to know is abt Eddie Champagne who runs a used car place and xmas tree farm on the out skirts of town. And the next thing you need to know is that you can not trust eddie as far as you can throw him and considering that eddie is a...
by Frank Dodge | Dec 27, 2007 | The Dodge Report
What happened was that Jake parked that load of xmas trees we had borrowed from eddie champagne and had took down to NY to sell but cld not b/c of the threats we had received by the canadian xmas tree racket and he parked the truck and everything right smack on top of...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 1, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I used to work at the zoo so I know a thing or two abt a thing or two. And what i know is that a lot of the meat what gets fed to tigers and alligators comes from cows and chickens. But not all of it. This is a secret that zoos do not want the public to know so if you...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 4, 2008 | The Dodge Report
I probly shld not have got my heart all set on them. I bet he has eaten all of them by now. But that is fine. I did not really want his damn corn nuts anyway. He can keep them. They were probly cool ranch flavor and i do not even like cool ranch flavor. But it is a...
by Frank Dodge | Jan 10, 2008 | The Dodge Report
It is fair that she is mad abt losing but it is not right the way she keeps calling them caucussuckers. I do not buy this explanation that what she meant was people were suckered in to voting for that obama fellow and that edwards fellow and what she means is people...
